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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 119. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alesta on April 30, 2005, at 21:56:25
i always thought the idea of cybersex sounded so stupid. but i recently thought about it and thought it would be fun. i must be losing my damn mind...:) has anybody here ever had cybersex and was it fun????
i am like one raging hormone right now. and i don't even need to have sex..just someone to feel that electricity with you know..necking and stuff..someone to put their hands on me and vice versa..
i have got to find a sense of calm and peace soon because i am so wound up i can't stand it..
heeeeelp..any advice? what should i do?
and don't say get a vibrator..it's not the same as a guy at all...i'm not craving sex, per se, i guess..
amy
Posted by alexandra_k on April 30, 2005, at 22:08:17
In reply to cybersex, posted by alesta on April 30, 2005, at 21:56:25
Heh heh.
That has been occurring to me as well...
The cybersex thing I mean.
I never would have thought it before, but if you can make friends in the virtual world, well... The idea doesn't seem so very silly to me anymore.I hope other peoples answer...
Posted by alesta on April 30, 2005, at 22:22:36
In reply to Re: cybersex » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on April 30, 2005, at 22:08:17
> Heh heh.
> That has been occurring to me as well...
> The cybersex thing I mean.
> I never would have thought it before, but if you can make friends in the virtual world, well... The idea doesn't seem so very silly to me anymore.
>
> I hope other peoples answer...well hi alex:), really..so i'm not the only person to think of this! i tell ya, it never even occurred to me before, but now that i'm single, it sounds so fun, and it's safe, too. wonder if any guys will answer this thread..<mischievous grin>...just kidding.
> I hope other peoples answer...
me, too..i wanna hear what 'the peoples' have to say...hehehehe..
thanks for weighing in,:)
amy
Posted by chili on May 1, 2005, at 0:49:19
In reply to cybersex, posted by alesta on April 30, 2005, at 21:56:25
> i always thought the idea of cybersex sounded so stupid. but i recently thought about it and thought it would be fun. i must be losing my damn mind...:) has anybody here ever had cybersex and was it fun????
>
> i am like one raging hormone right now. and i don't even need to have sex..just someone to feel that electricity with you know..necking and stuff..someone to put their hands on me and vice versa..
>
> i have got to find a sense of calm and peace soon because i am so wound up i can't stand it..
>
> heeeeelp..any advice? what should i do?
>
> and don't say get a vibrator..it's not the same as a guy at all...i'm not craving sex, per se, i guess..
>
>
> amy
>
i got addicted to it for a year and a half, to the point where i was actually meeting in dangerous places, be very careful, do not let it replace old fashioned human contact, the good kind, also the secrecy, of feeling like your doing something bad, is exciting, but at some point as i found out its purely physical, and how many times, and ways do we put ourselves thru to find out how to be physicallly gratified, are we loosing ourselves withe each and every contact we have, becoming whoares of our own flesh, geez what a let down.
Posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 1:14:49
In reply to Re: cybersex, posted by chili on May 1, 2005, at 0:49:19
thanks, chili. i didn't look at it like that..a whore to my own flesh..that sounds horrible...
but i wasn't planning on making this a lifestyle..i actually kind of have a particular person in mind..i didn't plan on just doing it with a whole bunch of strangers. thanks for caring enough to warn me, though. i'm just so used to being so serious about relationships (i am the total opposite of the whore type - i usually need all kinds of things from men before i'll have sex with them - a lot of it is very mental for me), and dealing with tons of issues..i thought maybe i could just enjoy myself for a change..
i appreciate your concern, and will remember what you said..:)
amy :)
Posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 1:29:11
In reply to Re: cybersex, posted by chili on May 1, 2005, at 0:49:19
Yeah. That freaked me out a bit too.
I guess there is a difference between that and actually meeting people...
And how much time you spend doing it
And so on.Hmm.
Thanks for sharing that though :-)
Anyone else have an opinion?
Posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 1:29:59
In reply to Re: cybersex » chili, posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 1:14:49
> i actually kind of have a particular person in mind..
Really?
Do tell :-)
You can Babblemail me if you like :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 1:30:26
In reply to Re: cybersex, posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 1:29:59
Otherwise we shall have to guess ;-)
Posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 1:43:47
In reply to Re: cybersex, posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 1:30:26
i ain't saying nothin on this one alexandra lol.
i might have a few ppl in mind actually! just kidding.:) god i'm bad.amy
Posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 2:31:27
In reply to Re: cybersex » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 1:43:47
hey alex:0)
you still there? no one else is up!
you can babblemail *me* if you like.:) but i'm still not gonna tell you who it is.....:-)
man, what time is it in new zealand? (can't remember if you're from new zealand or australia.) it is 3:30 am here..
amy:)
Posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 4:07:31
In reply to Re: cybersex » alesta, posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 2:31:27
> you still there? no one else is up!
I'm here now - but you have probably gone. I won't know what time it is till I post this...
> you can babblemail *me* if you like.:) but i'm still not gonna tell you who it is.....:-)Aw, no fair!
(It is okay, I'm teasing really)
> man, what time is it in new zealand? (can't remember if you're from new zealand or australia.) it is 3:30 am here..Hmm. It is 9pm here right now.
Posted by Susan47 on May 1, 2005, at 8:28:16
In reply to cybersex, posted by alesta on April 30, 2005, at 21:56:25
Yesterday I was out and about, and there were so many MEN, and many of them were gorgeous, you know? And twice it ws on the tip of my tongue, because I was feeling very very sexual yesterday, it was on the tipe of my tongue to make an advance, you know, straight out to ask ... but my better sense said, no, you might regret it if he goes for it... and the scary thing is I wouldn't have been embarrassed by a "no", you know, because I would've felt good about taking my choices into my own hands for a change, about being the first one to make a move ... I can't believe how randy I felt yesterday. It was nice, because I thought I'd lost that forever. Every time it goes I think I've lost it forever, it's so sad, it's terrible to be alone when you're feeling sexual but just as bad to be alone and not feeling sexual, being alone just sucks.
Posted by Susan47 on May 1, 2005, at 8:35:50
In reply to Re: cybersex » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 4:07:31
I think it would be a bit dangerous if you know the person, because the big temptation would be to make it real. Cybersex has never made any sense to me, because why wouldn't you just pick up an x-rated book or movie and use your imagination with someone you know IRL, in cybersex the person could be someone that if you ever met them you'd be sadly disillusioned. That would always be at the back of my mind, who is this person, really?
Posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 9:06:32
In reply to Re: cybersex, Alesta, posted by Susan47 on May 1, 2005, at 8:35:50
good morning, susan,
> Cybersex has never made any sense to me, because why wouldn't you just pick up an x-rated book or movie and use your imagination
well, i guess if i'm being honest it's not really about the sex. i didn't just wake up and say, hmm, cybersex, that's *it*! that's what i want! (kidding here.):-) i think it is sort of a specialized desire for a particular person. i don't want to have sex, i mean cybersex, with anyone but this individual. it's a long story, sue..i don't think this person is into that anyway. they're actually more emotionally mature than i am!! there's a switch..so this whole entire thread is invalid, null, and void. but it was a nice thought at the time.
amy :)
p.s.about to get coffee then i'll reply to your first post..found some instant and just had to try it..so much for my coffee sobriety.
Posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 10:06:24
In reply to ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine) » alesta, posted by Susan47 on May 1, 2005, at 8:28:16
> Yesterday I was out and about, and there were so many MEN, and many of them were gorgeous, you know? And twice it ws on the tip of my tongue, because I was feeling very very sexual yesterday, it was on the tipe of my tongue to make an advance, you know, straight out to ask ... but my better sense said, no, you might regret it if he goes for it... and the scary thing is I wouldn't have been embarrassed by a "no", you know, because I would've felt good about taking my choices into my own hands for a change, about being the first one to make a move ... I can't believe how randy I felt yesterday. It was nice, because I thought I'd lost that forever. Every time it goes I think I've lost it forever, it's so sad, it's terrible to be alone when you're feeling sexual but just as bad to be alone and not feeling sexual, being alone just sucks.
i hear you. if i'm not in love with someone, it seems like there are hot guys everywhere. on tv, at the supermarket, the mall, etc. i was at the supermarket the other day and this guy hit on me..i had *no* makeup on, so i couldn't believe he was..(in the past i would've rather died than gone out without any makeup, so that is major for me that i can do that.)anyway, i know what you mean about being alone sucking. but actually i'm cool with it today. for the first time in a while. hmm..wonder why.:)
amy:)
Posted by Susan47 on May 1, 2005, at 13:01:38
In reply to Re: cybersex, Alesta » Susan47, posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 9:06:32
I can understand. I just made myself a cup a spoon stands up in.
Posted by Susan47 on May 1, 2005, at 13:08:54
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine) » Susan47, posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 10:06:24
The man who hit on you was probably fairly comfortable with women and used to seeing us without the goop. I love the goop. Sometimes when I'm feeling really good I put lots on, because it matches my mood. Sometimes less, I like that about being a woman, I can experiment a bit with different looks. A bit, because I'm still always me, no plastic surgery... yet. Aaah. Life has many wonderful options. Anyway did you respond to the hit? Because I'm finding the less afraid I am of men, the more open they are too. It's nice. I used to be so afraid of men. Intimidated by them.
I'm glad you're feeling okay about being alone. Mostly I'm okay with it, but when I'm sexual and/or emotional it's horrible. Those are the days I need a male T. I mean, really. I'm going to search out another male therapist. Because I need one. Badly. As soon as I've done my EMDR with this female, I'm going to make an appointment this week. Get these rapes taken off me. They've been part of me for too long. And some of the stuff that goes with being a woman, and the reproductive aspect of our bodies which can be so devastating. Wonderful too, but still. Everything I've been through has added shadows to my soul. I need to be rid of them. Thanks, Alesta, for being here for me too. I notice you were drinking the other night. How'd you feel the next day BTW? I used to get the hangover you-know-what's. I never drink excessively anymore, it's too depressing. :-)
Posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 14:16:31
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine) » alesta, posted by Susan47 on May 1, 2005, at 13:08:54
> The man who hit on you was probably fairly comfortable with women and used to seeing us without the goop. I love the goop. Sometimes when I'm feeling really good I put lots on, because it matches my mood. Sometimes less, I like that about being a woman, I can experiment a bit with different looks. A bit, because I'm still always me, no plastic surgery... yet. Aaah. Life has many wonderful options. Anyway did you respond to the hit?
LOL.."the hit"..:) no, i didn't respond..it's funny. i always attract the 'casinova' type..you know, the smooth talker, really extraverted suave type..and i do not want that type anymore, lol. we ain't bloody compatible..but that's not the reason i didn't respond..i didn't respond b/c i felt unattractive without the makeup..even though he was hitting on me. i just was not expecting it ya know..
<Because I'm finding the less afraid I am of men, the more open they are too. It's nice. I used to be so afraid of men. Intimidated by them.
yeah..i'm just not open to men right now. i'm attracted to em, but i don't want one just yet..i just broke up with one..
> I'm glad you're feeling okay about being alone. Mostly I'm okay with it, but when I'm sexual and/or emotional it's horrible. Those are the days I need a male T. I mean, really. I'm going to search out another male therapist. Because I need one. Badly. As soon as I've done my EMDR with this female, I'm going to make an appointment this week. Get these rapes taken off me. They've been part of me for too long. And some of the stuff that goes with being a woman, and the reproductive aspect of our bodies which can be so devastating. Wonderful too, but still. Everything I've been through has added shadows to my soul. I need to be rid of them.
i don't know if this will help you or not, but focusing on meeting your needs, making yourself happy, without a man is key to dealing with those 'gotta have a man' feelings..i'm not sure if that's what you were saying, but if it is, you might be a love addict. and focusing on YOU and your needs instead of HIM and his needs and him bringing you your needs will help. there's a site somewhere on the internet i can look up if you want me to..if what i'm saying resonates with you..
<Thanks, Alesta, for being here for me too. I notice you were drinking the other night. How'd you feel the next day BTW? I used to get the hangover you-know-what's. I never drink excessively anymore, it's too depressing. :-)
oh, no problemo! thank YOU!:-) yeah. that was a once-in-a-blue-moon thing. i didn't even drink on new year's last year.
aim ;)
Posted by Susan47 on May 1, 2005, at 17:01:42
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine) » Susan47, posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 14:16:31
No I know and I'm living that, alesta, I'm learning to be happy with me. I definitely am not a love addict, I would've had to have been in love to be that, by definition. I haven't ever been truly in love with anyone before, can you believe, not even my children? Not until after this last male therapist of mine, my god. Somehow, and I know this sounds sappy and has a fairytale quality, okay, but somehow the only way I can express it now is he wove a spell. Maybe not realizing it, maybe that's his magic, or maybe he does practice his art, on people like me. That must be his success. Anyway, enough of that. About being open to men right now, you say you aren't, and in many ways I'm not either, in fact, I haven't met a man I'm interested in saying more than two words to, in ages. And flirting is fun, even when I know I look like an easy time and the guy is just trying out his luck. Then it's easiest to walk away. 'Cause they're not the serious type. I really need the serious type, fun but serious, smart, no pretense. 99% of the men in this world base their entire existence on the pretense. My ex- calls it his "persona". Pppfffffft. In fact, you know the kind of guy who walks around thinking he's really hot? You can see them a hundred yards away, and it doesn't matter how nice he turns out to be, his attitude is a total turn-off. And there isn't anything but Life that will take that out of a man. Once that's out of him, but he still cares about who he is, he's hot. I knew a man like that, once. He was in my mind I think. I made him up, but wow, was he ever Wonderful. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 19:10:46
In reply to Re: ReFeeling sexual, Me too (whine), posted by Susan47 on May 1, 2005, at 17:01:42
> I haven't ever been truly in love with anyone before, can you believe, not even my children? Not until after this last male therapist of mine, my god. Somehow, and I know this sounds sappy and has a fairytale quality, okay, but somehow the only way I can express it now is he wove a spell. Maybe not realizing it, maybe that's his magic, or maybe he does practice his art, on people like me. That must be his success.
But that isn't genuine love Susan. He 'wove a spell'. I reckon that most of the 'spell' and the 'magic' is that you really didn't know him as a person. He was removed from you in a way - because he was your therapist. You only saw him in therapist mode. A mode where he was supposed to be focused and attentive to you. He probably isn't like that so very much IRL. If you met him in a different context IRL (and never had him as a t) then while you may still be attracted to him I reckon that most of the magic would be gone. It just wouldn't be there.
But when you just get that little bit of their being attentive and focused to you - well... That is where the transference and the idealisation kicks in and then the fantasy can take off...
Thats what I reckon anyway.
Maybe that is part of the magic?I am fond of fantasy myself.
But RL, the fantasy can never be sustained IRL.
Disappointment, let down, - when the reality doesn't live up to the fantasy.
Enjoy the fantasy.
Posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 19:13:18
In reply to Re: cybersex, Alesta » Susan47, posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 9:06:32
> > Cybersex has never made any sense to me, because why wouldn't you just pick up an x-rated book or movie and use your imagination
Yeah. But then you can read a novel or have imaginary friends but that doesn't compare to babble friends. Maybe cybersex is like that too ;-)
> i think it is sort of a specialized desire for a particular person. i don't want to have sex, i mean cybersex, with anyone but this individual.I knew it!
Are you sure you don't want to tell me who???
;-)
Posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 20:32:48
In reply to Re: cybersex, Alesta » alesta, posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 19:13:18
> > > Cybersex has never made any sense to me, because why wouldn't you just pick up an x-rated book or movie and use your imagination
uh, the above paragraph is something sue said, not me. that's her quote. just wanted to clarify that little detail..:-)
> I knew it!
> Are you sure you don't want to tell me who???
> ;-)
LOL sh$%, they don't even know, alex, so i'm definitely NOT spilling the beans! no way hosay! FORGET IT! :-) AND IT COULD BE ANY ONE OF YOU! Wahahahahhahahaha! :-)amy <smiling sweetly> :)
Posted by alexandra_k on May 1, 2005, at 20:47:53
In reply to Re: cybersex, Alesta » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 20:32:48
> > > > Cybersex has never made any sense to me, because why wouldn't you just pick up an x-rated book or movie and use your imagination
> uh, the above paragraph is something sue said, not me. that's her quote. just wanted to clarify that little detail..:-)Sorry, yeah, I realised Susan said it. I guess I was talking to both of you...
> > I knew it!
> > Are you sure you don't want to tell me who???
> > ;-)
> LOL sh$%, they don't even know, alex, so i'm definitely NOT spilling the beans! no way hosay! FORGET IT! :-)He he he!!! You don't want me to play matchmaker????!
(It is quite all right - I would hate to embarrass you over this - I absolutely detest it when people do that to me). Still... It is human nature to be nosey, I suppose ;-)
>AND IT COULD BE ANY ONE OF YOU! Wahahahahhahahaha! :-)
:-)
> amy <smiling sweetly> :)ROFL!!!
Posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 20:51:53
In reply to Re: cybersex, Alesta » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 20:32:48
i just read it and all those capital letters kinda glared at me.and i didn't mean to get ppl all curious when i wrote that. it just kinda...came out. oops.
amy:)
Posted by rainbowbrite on May 1, 2005, at 21:00:00
In reply to Re: cybersex, Alesta » alexandra_k, posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 20:32:48
Not at all! I LOL :D thanks for the laugh
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