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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by PhoenixGirl on February 20, 2005, at 20:15:25
I've worried about this for some time. I've had a history of serious depression and anxiety since I was a kid. I'm 27 years old, and I've only had one boyfriend. Very few dates. Very few friends. I'm afraid that it will be very hard to find a man who will want to be with me if I'm mentally ill. I sure won't find a man if I continue to isolate myself. But even if I get out and start relationships, what if men won't want to be with me and I still end up alone.
Posted by alexandra_k on February 21, 2005, at 1:05:57
In reply to My mental illness means a man won't love me?, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 20, 2005, at 20:15:25
> I've worried about this for some time. I've had a history of serious depression and anxiety since I was a kid.
And lots of guys probably have a similar history and worry that no woman will ever love them.
Even people who have no experience of mental illness sometimes fall in love with those who have, you know.
>I'm 27 years old, and I've only had one boyfriend. Very few dates. Very few friends.
Ditto. Except I am 26.
>I'm afraid that it will be very hard to find a man who will want to be with me if I'm mentally ill. I sure won't find a man if I continue to isolate myself. But even if I get out and start relationships, what if men won't want to be with me and I still end up alone.
Oh hon. I do have a lot of sympathy. I often feel that way myself. Starting to come right a bit though. I realise I am loveable, but I also have pretty high standards ;-)
Friends can be good.
Friends can be great.
To have fun with.
And sometimes something develops
And sometimes nothing does
But thats okay.You probably would be much happier if you had at least a couple of people who you could talk to and consider friends IRL. Hell, I probably would be too ;-)
Do you have any hobbies or anything that you could join up to some sort of IRL group?
Do you work at all?
Study?
Posted by PhoenixGirl on February 21, 2005, at 7:03:27
In reply to Re: My mental illness means a man won't love me? » PhoenixGirl, posted by alexandra_k on February 21, 2005, at 1:05:57
I worked full-time until the beginning of January, when I quit my job to go back to school. That job was hell, but I stayed there for almost 4 years. I've come back to school for journalism, though I'm not 100% sure I want to do it.
To go to school, I moved to a town where I didn't know anyone at all. Even in Atlanta, I didn't have friends that I hung out with after work, but at least I had "buddies" at work. Here in my college town, I go to class, but the people are a few years younger than me, since I chose an undergraduate program. I mostly just lay around at home, and sometimes I can't get up until well in the afternoon.
I'm about to start volunteering at the student newspaper, and the editor told me that they have a lot of fun there. They go out on the town too. I hope there are some people there closer to my age. Depression made me grow up really fast, so I get relate better to those at least my age or older.
I do plan to get a part-time job to help support myself and maybe even to meet some people. Right now I'm living on my parent's help and my savings, which are dwindling. The depression has been a big obstacle to me getting out there and getting a job. I thought I would have a job by now.
Posted by ron1953 on February 21, 2005, at 16:33:56
In reply to My mental illness means a man won't love me?, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 20, 2005, at 20:15:25
PG:
Not to worry. It's not only possible, it's wonderful. jlynne and I have the dubious honor of being the first PB marriage. We each have struggled with depression all our lives. If you're interested in our story, you can search PB and find the threads that apply. Good luck, and feel free to ask me anything.
Ron
Posted by octopusprime on February 22, 2005, at 11:05:14
In reply to Re: My mental illness means a man won't love me? » PhoenixGirl, posted by ron1953 on February 21, 2005, at 16:33:56
another "it's possible". I just got engaged to be married. i'm 26 too. when my fiance first learned about my problems he wanted to know when I was getting off the meds. said things about putting unnecessary chemicals into bodies and other such ignorant (and I mean that nicely) opinions.
it took a while for him to understand that I am stable now and behave the way I do because of the meds. that the meds are for life with my case in all likelihood. that mental illness is something that I cope with as adaptavely as I can.
I would never have met him, would never have the relationship I have now, if I didn't do the hard work of healing by myself first. i'm ready to love him now. I don't think I could before.
Posted by TamaraJ on February 22, 2005, at 11:28:39
In reply to My mental illness means a man won't love me?, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 20, 2005, at 20:15:25
> I've worried about this for some time. I've had a history of serious depression and anxiety since I was a kid. I'm 27 years old, and I've only had one boyfriend. Very few dates. Very few friends. I'm afraid that it will be very hard to find a man who will want to be with me if I'm mentally ill. I sure won't find a man if I continue to isolate myself.
-- Isolating yourself isn't the answer, althought it does feel safe at times and ensures we avoid being hurt. In the long run, I think we hurt ourselves more by isolating too much. And, it isn't just about finding a man. It is about getting out, meeting people, and developing meaningful relationships with members of both sexes. Just taking small steps can be helpful. Striking up conversations with your neighbors, people at the bus stop, etc. Opening yourself a little bit. Just starting to feel comfortable interacting with others can be a good and rewarding thing. And, when you do meet the right guy, he will love you for you. Your mental illness is just part of the whole beautiful package.
My older brother's first wife (sadly she passed away) was bipolar. He knew going into the relationship long before they were married that she had a mental illness. But, he loved her, and that was all that mattered.
I think life has an uncanny way of unfolding as it should. And, when the time is right, love will find you.
Take care of yourself.
Tamara
Posted by PrivateGuy on March 5, 2005, at 8:46:27
In reply to Re: My mental illness means a man won't love me? » PhoenixGirl, posted by TamaraJ on February 22, 2005, at 11:28:39
Hi. I know exactly what you're going through.
I'm a 26 year old guy with panic disorder/ocd and depression. I've had it for most of my life.
Until a while ago I never thought I'd find someone. I found a wonderful free internet dating site for people with mental health issues: www.nolongerlonely.com
Guess what? I found a wonderful, wonderful woman.
My advice? If you join, don't put a photo up on your profile, even though it's recommended. Instead, create an extensive profile outlining your hobbies, interests, what makes you laugh, what makes you cry, your favourite animals etc. Try and put a positive spin on it as well.
If you make your profile really heartfelt and genuine, you will strike a chord with someone. I have no doubt. This is because it happened to me...and if it happened to me, it can happen for anyone.
I have some other advice. If you don't want someone with drug or alcohol issues, emphasise that.
I know it's hard right now...but it doesn't have to stay this way forever.
There are lots of desperately lonely guys (like I used to be) waiting for a nice woman to come along...and let's face it, a guy with who suffers from the same illness as you, will not judge you when you go through your bad patches. You can provide mutual support for one another.
Good luck.
Posted by PrivateGuy on March 5, 2005, at 9:06:44
In reply to My mental illness means a man won't love me?, posted by PhoenixGirl on February 20, 2005, at 20:15:25
Oh...and by the way, I don't believe that your mental illness would make you any less lovable to the person you will eventually meet.
It's you who he will fall in love with, not the illness.
Having said that, the stigma against mental illness remains.
That's why it might be an option to date someone else with a mental health issue.
Posted by PrivateGuy on March 8, 2005, at 20:08:40
Just in case anyone's missed the above entries, there's a dating/friendship site for people with mental health issues. It's great.
It's www.nolongerlonely.com
Spread the word guys. The more people on there, the better the chances of improving the quality of life for people with past or current mental health issues.
It worked for me. I've met someone really nice - now all we have to do is move her to my country permanently! :P
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