![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Toph on March 5, 2005, at 8:28:36
My wife sent me this at work:
EVE TALKS WITH GOD:
"Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals,as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"And why is that Eve?"
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"Man? What is that Lord?"
"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and like to hunt and kill things.. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but is there a catch my Lord?"
"Well...you can have him on one condition."
"What is that my Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self admiring...so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret... you know, woman to woman."
That night, as my wife was making me dinner, I asked her to explain the humor in this joke. I asked her, "what kind of man would write such a joke?"
And she replied, "exactly."
Posted by sallyb on March 5, 2005, at 13:18:45
In reply to Revisionist History, posted by Toph on March 5, 2005, at 8:28:36
Thanks so much for the chuckle!
Most of Us Gals knew that truism all along.
:)
sallyb
Posted by Toph on March 5, 2005, at 15:04:34
In reply to Re: Revisionist History » Toph, posted by sallyb on March 5, 2005, at 13:18:45
I guess that explains why we have periodic storms, huh sally? ; )
Toph
Posted by AdaGrace on March 7, 2005, at 8:27:43
In reply to Revisionist History, posted by Toph on March 5, 2005, at 8:28:36
Would you write my Eulogy?
Seriously, I want it to be entertaining, funny, and well written. You'd be perfect for it. Of course my sisters and I have all descided that our ceremonies for our individual demises will be invitation only, and no crying and no churchy music allowed. We each have contemplated what song we would like played at out funeral.
Of course these are always good choices...
"Remember Me" by "Sarah MacLaughlin"
"You Can't Always Get What You Want" by "The Rolling Stones"Those are my two choices, but the first has been played at every high school graduation I've attended for the past 4 years, and the second, although a wonderful choice for a wonderful movie "The Big Chill" seems a tad like being a coppy cat.
Any suggestions?
By the way, please remember to open with "AdaGrace, what can we say about her that won't get us sensored by congress?"
Posted by Toph on March 7, 2005, at 16:01:06
In reply to Re: Revisionist History » Toph, posted by AdaGrace on March 7, 2005, at 8:27:43
Gracie, when it comes to you not being here anymore, nothing funny comes to mind.
I do think, however, "Amazing Grace" would be appropriate music.
Posted by AdaGrace on March 8, 2005, at 7:47:05
In reply to Re: Revisionist History, posted by Toph on March 7, 2005, at 16:01:06
But a celebration of my life would be in order, don't you think?
I'm not talking about tomorrow. Please. I am going to be that old woman in the neighborhood that everyone talks about. You know, the one who lives in a tiny little house with an overgrown flower garden in front. The kind that takes over the yard so there is no grass to mow. And there will be stacks of newspapers all around my house because I will be the conservative old bitty who can't throw anything away. And the smell, yes, there will be a smell about me and my abode. Something of an old woman incontinence problem smell, something of a too many dogs in the house smell, something of an open cans of dogfood smell, musty, mothball smell. Dirty body and dirty clothes. My hair will be long, gray and unkept. I will never venture outside, I'll have my SS check deposited automatically, my gorceries delivered & my account paid via the bank. Lovely.........I'm loving this story. Anyway, the neighbor kids will all talk about the old lady who lives down the lane, and how noone see her, and my, we all think she's a witch. And they will try to see me on Halloween, and I will scare the shyte out of them and laugh my *ss off while they run home
and talk about me for the next year...... He he he.
And every once in a while someone will say, you know old lady so and so, didn't she used to be the mayor or something? Wasn't she beautiful at one time? I hear she went crazy after she fell in love with some man and he dumped her, and she lost her husband and her kids and all her family and friends over it. They say she has never spoken to anyone since then. What a shame that was. So sad, she wasted her life. I hear she was once the life of the party. I was her once before she went insane. She was a pretty funny lady......Oh well, then the story sorta dies because I had to go and get sappy............
Poot!!!!!!!!!
Posted by AdaGrace on March 8, 2005, at 7:55:29
In reply to Re: Revisionist History, posted by Toph on March 7, 2005, at 16:01:06
> Gracie, when it comes to you not being here anymore, nothing funny comes to mind.
> I do think, however, "Amazing Grace" would be appropriate music.Now see, THAT is a churchy song. But okay, only if you want to have it played in the background as people are walking in.
Now, how about, "Redheaded Woman" by "Bruce Springsteen" Oh wait, that is a racy song that talks about going "down under" Hmmm. Nevermind on that one.
Ummm let's see......"She's A Lady" by "Tom Jones" ???? Naw........not true.
"Nobody Knows" by "Billy Squire" Ohhh, Ohh wait, "Everybody Wants You" by Billy Squire, YESSSSSSSSSSS, now we're talking!!!!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Posted by Toph on March 8, 2005, at 10:21:15
In reply to Re: Revisionist History » Toph, posted by AdaGrace on March 8, 2005, at 7:47:05
They already wrote a book about old lady Grace, "When I am Old I shall wear Purple," which goes like this,
Warning
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandles, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.Jenny Joseph
Posted by AdaGrace on March 10, 2005, at 17:07:45
In reply to Re: Revisionist History » AdaGrace, posted by Toph on March 8, 2005, at 10:21:15
Okay, but she sounds sorta boring. I want to be rude, crude, spit and swear, and be talked about and feared...........HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Posted by Toph on March 10, 2005, at 18:49:18
In reply to Re: Revisionist History, posted by AdaGrace on March 10, 2005, at 17:07:45
Oh, I'm sure you won't be boring. : )
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.