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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jenn007 on February 28, 2005, at 23:33:06
I dont know what to write or how to describe it, but i cant take anymore. Right now, i would give anything for a hug and a chance to be "weak". So much has been expected of me since I was a child. I have no emotional support, no one to talk to. my mom would just tell me to get over it, that i dont know what stress is. or something like that. my dad, well i cant tell you the last time he called me. except to borrow money or something to support his drinking. my stepdad is great, but i dont want to worry him. my best friend just moved away. my b/f says hes moving out.
i am 27 and i feel like i am having a meltdown. is that possible??? i made a doctor appointment for thurs b/c i feel empty and sad. moody. my b/f says i am lazy, selfish and mean. i am an ER nurse, i work hard. always have. i would do anything for anyone and i take good care of him too. i am a new mom also.
i know i am rambling, but my head is foggy. any suggestions, please. im desperate. thanks, jenn
Posted by Damos on March 1, 2005, at 0:05:21
In reply to please help,i cant handle anymore, posted by jenn007 on February 28, 2005, at 23:33:06
Huge hug coming at you Jenn007
((((((((Jenn007))))))))
Feel free to scream and shout and curse and cry, whatever you need to do. I think you'll be surprised how many truly wonderful people here will embrace you. Is there a support line you can call just to talk to someone (I know we have them here in Oz).
It's probably a good idea to see the doctor even just for the chance to talk about how you're feeling. Please don't let your b/f make you wrong here. His leaving doesn't make you a bad person okay? And it sure as h*ll doesn't make what he says true either.
You're not rambling, I think you've done remarkably well truth be known. And yeah 'meltdown' is probably a pretty good description of what you're going through I'd say.
I wish there was more I could do, but just hang in there okay.
I'll be thinking of you.
Posted by 10derHeart on March 1, 2005, at 1:12:54
In reply to please help,i cant handle anymore, posted by jenn007 on February 28, 2005, at 23:33:06
Jenn007,
I'm glad you posted here. You were not rambling at all. You just sound like someone pushed close to the brink of her resources by all that life throws at us at once sometimes. I think your dr's appt. is an important step. I am not a professional, but have a lot of personal experience, and the words you use sound like you may well be depressed. And depending on how new of a mom you are (congrats, by the way!!) is post-partum (sp? I'm tired) a possibility? Being a nurse, you've likely thought of these things already. But sometimes we don't think to apply stuff to ourselves that we could see in others more quickly. Anothere thing Babble is good for - some perspective when we can't find ours :-)
And I have noticed some of the most devoted, wonderful, hard-working folks in the helping professions - especially docs and nurses - wait the longest before taking good care of themselves. Could that be you? Please do pursue help with your doctor. If it is depression, beleive me, you CAN feel better and it will not always be this hard. And maybe think more on asking your stepdad for any kind of help he can give (child care? a listening ear?..) - you said he was great, but you don't want to worry him. It sounds like he cares about you then, because you're sure he would worry, so maybe you could let him? I'll bet he could handle a bit of worry about you, because you're hurting and need him.
Thanks for all you do as an ER nurse. Emergency room people are some of my biggest heros. I imagine the stress can be enormous, though. I don't know your boyfriend, but pardon me if I say that kind of talk is just going to make things worse. I know that anxiety and depression can sometimes make us tell ourselves we're lazy or mean or whatever - doesn't mean it's real or true AT ALL, whether he says it or whatever. Okay, now I'm rambling.... Point is, with all you have to deal with, you're not feeling well or like yourself, you recognize it and are reaching out for help. That is good. Hope you post some more. As Damos said, there are so many caring people here with awesome ideas and endless patience and support. It might help a lot just to talk.
How old's the little one? Boy or girl?
Take care - 10derHeart
Posted by jenn007 on March 1, 2005, at 7:13:42
In reply to Re: please help,i cant handle anymore » jenn007, posted by 10derHeart on March 1, 2005, at 1:12:54
it does feel better to vent-thank u both. i kinda mentioned things werent too great to my stepdad last week while he called last week. we both commute an hour and half to work, so he calls randomly to check in during the drive. but he has uncontrolled diabetes and smokes, so he really doesnt need the added stress of my problems. plus, he lives w/ my mom (controlling type A) so I figure he really needs a break too :) She means well though.
I am going to the OB on Thurs. I cant wait- never been so excited to go to the doctor before! He did treat me for PPD w/ effexor, which I had to stop when my brain shut down and I slept all day (sedative effect). it was horrible. I havent seen him since until now. Maybe he can try something else. I'll do anything not to feel like this.
I am an otherwise happy person, at least outside of home. I really have had it w/ my boyfriend, but he is the baby's daddy (10mo) so I am trying to work it out first - no need to have baby in broken home if u can fix it. But a sad home is no better I realize. We agreed to try a couple counselor. Do you think they work??? Thanks, Jenn
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 10:57:43
In reply to thank u, posted by jenn007 on March 1, 2005, at 7:13:42
My ex- and I saw a therapist for counselling, yes it worked, it speeded up the process of decision-making. We'd been together long enough to know what we didn't want.
My heart goes out to you. I remember when my son was an infant and my ex- and I weren't getting along. It was horrible when he moved away but I got over it and my relationship with my son was the most important thing in my life then. Which I think was good, because it made me focus on him. But I know I suffered twenty years of depression afterwards. I should've found a good therapist right away, Right Away... do that for yourself, if you can. As an ER nurse, are you employed full-time or are you casual? Do you have extended medical?
Posted by jenn007 on March 1, 2005, at 11:26:01
In reply to Re: thank u » jenn007, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 10:57:43
i work per diem at the hospital and i also work 2 days a week for a plastic surgeon. both are an hour commute from home, so i dont committ to too many hours since I had the baby. Besides, he is sick all the time w/ chronic asthma and now he needs hernia surgery. So time off is no problem. I can pick up shifts anytime.
Well, I am looking forward to therapy, but I want to go alone too. I dont want to discuss everything w/ my b/f in the room, ya know. :)i hope it helps. otherwise, i am independent and will be ok. just tired of being so sad and worn out.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 12:21:27
In reply to ..., posted by jenn007 on March 1, 2005, at 11:26:01
So what you're saying about your employment then, is that you don't have extended medical, you don't have a plan that will allow you to see a therapist of your choosing? Because I can't back down from that, even in the worst of times I think therapy can teach us something if we're ready. Maybe you're not ready, I know I wasn't at your age. It's only in hindsight that I see how beneficial it would've been, with the right person. If you do go for therapy, Check Him/Her OUT Thoroughly. Do research. Because you definitely don't want someone who will put you more at risk.
No more preaching, okay, I promise Jenn. You have such a full plate. Your life is sad-feeling right now because it's so incredibly hard. Your son's medical issues right now must seem overwhelming at times, maybe even all the time. It's those worries that can threaten to drown us even when we think we're not thinking about them. Their weight is always there.
Do you hear me? I've been there, so much, so very very much.
Maybe your space isn't exactly the same as mine is or was, but the sadness is the same.
Please come here for a hug whenever you need it. Babble me and I'll answer. If I don't and something's happened to me, find someone else who'll give you the same thing. Find someone now, to do that for you, even if it's only here on-line.
There.
Now ssshh, be quiet, Susan. You're too much sometimes, too much.
I have my issues, too, don't I, Jenn.
Posted by jenn007 on March 1, 2005, at 14:49:26
In reply to Re: ..., posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 12:21:27
well i do have coverage through my boyfriend's insurance, as a domestic partner. I found a nice therapist online in my area. Trust me, I am ready and willing to do anything that will work. He has a lot of experience, and is currently out of town for a convention, but he emailed me his cell # in case I cant reach his office for any reason. So that was super nice of him already.
Thank you though for your nice words, and it is very comforting to know you that you understand how i feel. :) i work tomorrow so at least that will keep me busy until my doctor appt! thanks again!
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:22:23
In reply to Re: ..., posted by jenn007 on March 1, 2005, at 14:49:26
I'm really impressed by your new therapist-to-be already. That's a good sign, that he gave you his cell #.
Posted by 10derHeart on March 1, 2005, at 23:14:06
In reply to thank u, posted by jenn007 on March 1, 2005, at 7:13:42
hi again,
I do think couples counseling can work. Definitely, if both partners are serious and open-minded about it. Not to be so stereotypical, but that seems more of a challenge for many men. Not entirely their fault, the way most are still socialized and/or raised not to talk about or even acknowledge feelings. But your mention of trying to stay together as a family is wonderful. Dads are so very important,IMO. Of course, it depends on each situation, and what's safe and healthy for you and your child.
I like your idea to see a therapist (or at least online) alone, too. Seems wise to take care of *you* as much as possible, for strength to face whatever happens down the road. And like Susan said, it's a great sign with offering the cell #, truly. If you get to needing input on the topics of therapy or therapists, wander over to the Psychology Board and post away - it's usually very active. (My home away from home)
Best to you at the OB. There are so many ADs other than Effexor, I'll bet there is one out there for you. I am so very fortunate to have great results with good old reliable Prozac, which I've taken several times in the past ten years, along with therapy, and it's always *supported* me just enough. Blunts the worst emotional pain, and kind of levels out mood swings and the worst of the apathy, so I can function enough to benefit from therapy and lifestyle changes. I hope the same or better for you.
I'm curious, knowing very little about PPD (that's one time I wasn't depressed - go figure) if you feel like saying, did the PPD lift by itself? Just over the passing of time? Since the Effexor was awful for you, did you quit taking it and go without? I'll bet that was a rough spot, too.
You've been through a lot. What's nice is I detect optimism and a drive to help yourself in your writing. So no matter how often/long you've been feeling so low, that spark is present. It's a mark of hope, I'd say, and it's something to cherish. Babble can be a place to recharge it, if it gets depleted :) Let us know how things go.
Posted by jenn007 on March 3, 2005, at 7:24:21
In reply to Re: thank u » jenn007, posted by 10derHeart on March 1, 2005, at 23:14:06
well i am off to see the OB! woot! i will let you know what he says. i am going to ask for a new medicine, i had to wean myself off the effexor by breaking the capsule and splitting the little balls in half, then half of half, then none. the side effects of withdrawl are horrible.. im glad its all gone now! as far as the PPD, my doc told me sometimes the therapy is short term and sometimes it is forever. just depends. so, i dont care, as long as i feel better. thanks for both of your support.
see u later! jenn
Posted by jenn007 on March 3, 2005, at 16:04:14
In reply to Re: ..., posted by jenn007 on March 3, 2005, at 7:24:21
well the doc put me on Lexapro, so we'll see how that goes. Then, that counselor called me and set up an appt for mon. i am so happy that maybe he can help me sort things out and get back on track. starting an AD can be hard though w/ the side effects and all, so i am a little nervous about that.
i have never been to a counselor before though. i am nervous about the visit, as to what to expect and what will talk about. i guess that is normal.
well have a great night, and thanks again. jenn
Posted by Chris O on March 3, 2005, at 18:07:07
In reply to went to the doc!!, posted by jenn007 on March 3, 2005, at 16:04:14
Jenn:
I replied to your other posts about Celexa/Lexapro
on the Psycho Babble board. I was just reading through your posts here. Gosh, it sounds like you've had it really hard. I mean, your family situation sounds very unsupportive and with the alcoholism and your job as an ER nurse, I can surmise that you've taken on a caretaker role and feel guilty about doing anything for yourself. All I can say is, I totally identify (my family situation is not exactly the same, but I definitely took on an "emotional caretaker role" with my mom), and you should not feel guilty about taking care of yourself. I'm a guy, but your boyfriend's comments, I mean, I don't know much about your relationship or how they were made, but they at the least show that your boyfriend is not very empathetic to your needs. I can't imagine you're "selfish" at all from your description; in fact, my guess is that you're too "selfless," as our many of us on these boards. So, I would just say, hang in there. Experiment with the meds, get support from a good counselor, and don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself. You have to take care of yourself to take care of your child, right? It only makes sense. Anyway, Jenn, I wish you all the best. I'll check back to see how you're doing.Chris
> well the doc put me on Lexapro, so we'll see how that goes. Then, that counselor called me and set up an appt for mon. i am so happy that maybe he can help me sort things out and get back on track. starting an AD can be hard though w/ the side effects and all, so i am a little nervous about that.
>
> i have never been to a counselor before though. i am nervous about the visit, as to what to expect and what will talk about. i guess that is normal.
> well have a great night, and thanks again. jenn
Posted by jenn007 on March 3, 2005, at 18:17:17
In reply to Hang in there, Jenn » jenn007, posted by Chris O on March 3, 2005, at 18:07:07
I'm hanging in there! Thanks Chris...you are right. i do take care of everyone. I love to though. But the minute I stop for a break, everyone wonders where all theTLC is. I think my stepdad and brother must have said something to my mom about things not being too peachy at home, because she just called to "see how things are going" for me. And that rarely happens. My family is just not very emotional and close. But they are loving in other ways and would help me out if I needed anything (around the house,financial- gosh, they helped me built my new house)...but we just dont talk mushy. if you know what i mean.
so it was nice that she called. i didnt mention the new med or going to the counselor, but at least she checked in. that makes me feel a little better. :)
so, is going to the counselor going to be uncomfortable the first time?? does anyone want to share? thanks
Posted by jenn007 on March 3, 2005, at 18:22:10
In reply to Re: Hang in there, Jenn, posted by jenn007 on March 3, 2005, at 18:17:17
you know it's funny, like i said in prior post, my family is just not one to talk and hold hands and hug. we never were brought up like that. but they will come paint and pull weeds and help you with anything in the world that you need. or bail you out.
my boyfriend's family is over the top emotional...mom freaks out if she cant get ahold of you or if you are late coming over, she assumes you didnt want to and cries. lol.
is there a happy medium??? thats where i want to be :)
Posted by antigua on March 4, 2005, at 11:00:05
In reply to hanging in..., posted by jenn007 on March 3, 2005, at 18:22:10
yes, there's a happy medium and you can develop that with your own child! See, there's an added benefit of children...
You sound strong and I wish you the best of luck. I went through the baby asthma stuff with my kids too, so I know the pressure. Maybe yours will outgrow it like two of mine did!
Take care,
antigua
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