![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by QuietHeart on January 17, 2005, at 12:20:12
please help me with any advice, and if anyone feels similarly, I would love to know. I am a 26 year old professional female, and have never had a boyfriend. I have dated men (all for VERY brief periods of time) and been physically intimate with them (though I am a virgin, I would describe myself as a "technical virgin"). I don't seem to share the desire of a lot of my women peers of needing a man by my side. I guess I am satisfied with the emotional support of the friends and family in my life, and from the casual sexual experiences with no strings attached (these don't happen very often, mind you). I don't even know what it MEANS to be in a relationship. Can someone explain to me what it means, what it feels like, what it is, and whether I am a complete weirdo for not desiring it at this point in my life?
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 17, 2005, at 12:48:06
In reply to sadness and conflict, posted by QuietHeart on January 17, 2005, at 12:20:12
I can totally relate, I don't really want to post my thoughts here though (im kind of uncomfortable) and I have never babblemailed before so my attempt to send one to you failed. If you want you can babble mail me and Ill explain what I wanted to write to you.
i hope this made some sense.
Posted by QuietHeart on January 17, 2005, at 12:56:29
In reply to Re: sadness and conflict, posted by rainbowbrite on January 17, 2005, at 12:48:06
Hi Rainbow,
Thanks for your reply, and I really want to communicate with you. I have never used Babblemail, though. Is there another way we could communicate? Is there an email address you could give me? I'll try babblemail myself, and if it doesn't work, maybe I could give you my email address?
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 17, 2005, at 13:00:27
In reply to Re: sadness and conflict, posted by QuietHeart on January 17, 2005, at 12:56:29
we are a good match LOL
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 18, 2005, at 0:18:55
In reply to Re: sadness and conflict, posted by rainbowbrite on January 17, 2005, at 13:00:27
LOL YOU TWO ARE CUTE...I just wanted to add my 2 cents..I do not think one is a weirdo for having different priorities...I am married and will be ending that,..I have been married before....so waiting even if youre 60 at the time you find mr or mrs right is smart IMO youre waiting till its of greater importance to you....why rush to have it end?
> we are a good match LOL
Posted by Susan47 on January 18, 2005, at 0:30:22
In reply to Re: sadness and conflict, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 18, 2005, at 0:18:55
You're not missing a thing, QuietHeart.
If you have fantasies, keep them, they're better than the real thing anyday.
If I could live my life over, I wouldn't have sex until I were desperate, DESPERATE to have children, if that ever were to happen. And then I would HOPE to be head-over-heels in love with the man and in luscious desire, I mean really wanting him Hot desire.
So unless you have those feelings about someone, don't bother. You're SO much better off focussing on other things right now.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 19, 2005, at 2:17:09
In reply to sadness and conflict, posted by QuietHeart on January 17, 2005, at 12:20:12
Heh heh. I am 26. I have never had a proper boyfriend. Have been out with nobody really (as in a date). Have 'arrangement' for casual sex with no strings when I am in the mood (not all that often really) and I suppose I am fairly happy with that.
Sometimes I think I would like to meet someone. Other times I am happy by myself.
> I don't even know what it MEANS to be in a relationship. Can someone explain to me what it means, what it feels like, what it is, and whether I am a complete weirdo for not desiring it at this point in my life?
I don't think you are a complete weirdo. We are still young, we may change our mind. Or maybe not. That is ok too.
I don't know what it feels like.
I don't know.
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 19, 2005, at 16:19:56
In reply to Re: sadness and conflict » QuietHeart, posted by alexandra_k on January 19, 2005, at 2:17:09
>Have 'arrangement' for casual sex with no strings when I am in the mood (not all that often really) and I suppose I am fairly happy with that.
Thats convenient.Do you ever dream of getting married and having a family? OMG I am growing up EEEEEK!LOL I wish i was 18 :(
Seriously It is somkething i think i want but i don't know if thats becasue of social pressure or not.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 19, 2005, at 20:14:37
In reply to Re: sadness and conflict » alexandra_k, posted by rainbowbrite on January 19, 2005, at 16:19:56
> Thats convenient.
Heh heh, thats a nice civil word for it ;-)
Yeah, it is convenient.> Do you ever dream of getting married and having a family?
Welll. I do think I would like to meet someone I really cared about and wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who felt the same way about me. The actual getting married bit isn't really important to me. With respect to the family some times I think I would like to have kids but other times I don't think that would be a good idea for me or them.
I suppose I would like to meet someone one day who really really really wanted to have kids. Enough to want to be the primary caregiver or at least be prepared to look after them half of the time. Fact is there will always be times in my life where I would damage them. I don't want that to happen. I would need someone else to be able to be secure and stable for them. To meet their emotional needs when I cannot. In that case - yes, I would like to have kids. But it isn't really all that important to me. Maybe it will become more important as I get older...
> Seriously It is somkething i think i want but i don't know if thats becasue of social pressure or not.
Hmm. Tis hard to know :-)
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 19, 2005, at 21:03:45
In reply to Re: sadness and conflict » rainbowbrite, posted by alexandra_k on January 19, 2005, at 20:14:37
>I suppose I would like to meet someone one day who really really really wanted to have kids. Enough to want to be the primary caregiver or at least be prepared to look after them half of the time. Fact is there will always be times in my life where I would damage them. I don't want that to happen. I would need someone else to be able to be secure and stable for them. To meet their emotional needs when I cannot.
It is scary i never really thought about this part. It is very true for me too.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 19, 2005, at 22:34:44
In reply to Re: sadness and conflict » alexandra_k, posted by rainbowbrite on January 19, 2005, at 21:03:45
Yeah.
Of course that is what my 'rational mind' says.
I imagine that one day my 'biological mind' would probably say something quite different!
I do hope not though. For my sake. And for theirs.
Posted by tulip04 on January 23, 2005, at 10:08:46
In reply to sadness and conflict, posted by QuietHeart on January 17, 2005, at 12:20:12
I can completely relate to your feelings. I'm 27 and have been single for over a year now. Before that I was in a relationship with the man I thought was "the one".. HA! He ended up cheating on me and that was the end of it. Anyway, took a long time to get over the hurt but now I feel good. I don't want to date, I just don't want to deal with it. I too feel very comfortable being alone, my friends are great and the drama of a boyfriend is just uninteresting to me. I also feel like I'm abnormal in this sense. When I was in a relationship and all my friends were single, they also always seemed to want to be with someone and out there looking... I mean I go out, meet guys, they call and I just don't even want to call back... I guess I just feel that when that person I'm suppose to be with does call, I'll be excited to talk to them.. My friends tell me I need to just try to get to know these guys... I'm just not interested. Oh well, for now, I'm just living in the moment and enjoying my new found freedom. There is something to be said for not having anyone to answer to but yourself. And finding happiness in yourself is the best feeling in the world.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.