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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bamboomz on December 29, 2004, at 20:54:36
I always find it incredible how everyone is so supportive on this website. It is amazing how you can pretty much post anything about how you feel and where your coming from and you will most definately get a response, some advice and a ton of support from so many different people everywhere.
Lately, I have complained too much abut how I feel and no-one around me wants to hear it anymore. I guess thats what therapy is for right? Unfortunately, finding affordable therapy is a long drawn out process so I just have the drugs to make me feel better and I guess this website - but I think the drugs are making me feel worse.
I want to tell my story, how I ended up where I am now, here typing, feeling anti-social, sorry for myself, weird and sad.
2 years ago, (almost to the day) I discovered that I was pregnant. The father of the child and I had been seeing each other for approximately 2 months. I was 24 years old, was attending night school in the hopes of starting University in September, had just broken up and moved out of my ex-boyfriends house, and wham! Pregnant. So that began 9 months of hell. I threw up almost everyday. My job was very uncaring of my situation (I worked in a camera store) And my boyfriend flipped back and forth between being there and not really being there.
I moved in with my boyfriend 2 months before the due date. Those 2 months were quiet and nice. We spent all our time together, discovered more about each other and prepared for the baby's arrival.
August 7, 2003 - my son Nolan was born. It was the happiest day of my life. He was this perfect little person. I instantly fell in love and all the barfing, the sacrifices, the pain, it was all so worth it.
The first few weeks at home were really hard. My boyfriend had extreme pain with his sciatic nerve and was on the floor unable to walk, doped up on strong painkillers. I had the baby blues and was recovering from chilbirth and then the damn power went out (I'm from Toronto) for 4 days. It was a tough time.
Nolan grew older, my boyfriend started to go out again (hockey and beer at the neighborhood bars) I started to get used to being a mother and caring for our son 24/7. When Nolan was 6 months old, I started to have problems with anxiety. I coulden't sleep at night, I was terrified with the idea that I would eventually die and I would lie awake at night fearing the thought of death and my existence. I was also convinced that my boyfriend was cheating on me. (he wasent't) I would hack into his e-mail, read his journals, smell his shirts when he came home from the bar. Craig and I fought a lot during this period and there was one night when he didn't even come home at all. The anxiety eventually passed and life continued as usual.
This past summer was a mess. Craig and I fought constantly. He was drinking and going out often. He becoming sarcastic and surly with me. I became angry and depressed. I started to drink as well (not nearly as much) There were a few nights where I got really wasted and paid for it the next morning. Everything built up to a explosive fight on August 28th when we almost broke up. Since then, we have been trying to make it work, treating each other better, being supportive and loving at times.
My real depression began in September, my life became more stressful. I am working in a daycare part time where I bring my son with me. I go to school 2 nights a week (I want to be a teacher) and I take care of Nolan full time. I started to become extremely tired, irritable, foggy headed, sad. I'm sure you all know the symptoms.... they last all month but are usually the worst a few days before my period. So now, (I've got to sum this up it's getting way to long) I've been on Celexa for the past 2 1/2 weeks. It makes me feel numb and more sad.
Right now I feel scared and alone. I am afraid of these drugs but at the same time, I am so fed up with feeling bad. I just keep hoping that soon, they will work. I am also tired of constanly obssessing over how bad I feel and how these drugs are interacting with my brain. My depression makes me think in such negative, melodramatic ways. I feel like I am 15 again.
So here I am, typing your thoughts out seems to help. I feel a bit lighter now. I guess I really need therapy. Drugs alone are definately not enough....
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 30, 2004, at 0:40:14
In reply to a long post- read if you dare, posted by bamboomz on December 29, 2004, at 20:54:36
Hi I suffer anxiety and find for me talk therapy and benzos work best...I am thinking you may want to see a PDOC on the med issue some people do not do well on those types of meds, I cannot say for you but it may be hormones also...Also issues within your relationship thats hard I know been there.....am there no fights ..or not many but the thrill for us or me at least is gone. You are young and have a lot on you and do a lot with your son, school and a job. I kind of think maybe seeking a therapist even at school may be of more help then the meds but that is JUST MY opinion ..Keep posting we are here and huge hugs I know youre in a lot of pain.
Posted by partlycloudy on December 30, 2004, at 7:31:01
In reply to a long post- read if you dare, posted by bamboomz on December 29, 2004, at 20:54:36
I'd say if the Celexa isn't helping with the depression after a couple of months, then perhaps it's not the right medication or maybe the dose is wrong - go back to your doctor. Getting a referral to see a psychiatrist to figure out the medication would be ideal, as I found in the US health care (not) system, I didn't get to see my general practioner often if at all, and the nurse practioners didn't have the time to sit down with me and figure out what would be suitable.
Therapy, for me, has been what helps a medication work. I think that the right meds have helped me to get through the day to day stuff, and therapy has helped me work on the root causes of some of my problems. You might find others here on Babble who are familiar with the area where you live and can help with a recommendation. For people with financial difficulties many therapists are willing to work with a sliding scale (you pay what you are reasonably able to for your treatment).
I think it's great that you're able to open up to us here; and I have found that helpful in itself. You'll find many kindred spirits here. I'm glad to meet you!
Posted by antigua on December 30, 2004, at 11:09:27
In reply to a long post- read if you dare, posted by bamboomz on December 29, 2004, at 20:54:36
You are not alone!!! Don't underestimate the effect of having a child on your physical and mental psyche. Children are very hard work, especially the first one because you're not always sure you are doing what's right, or even what's going on. The fatigue alone is so draining, so please don't underestimate it. I remember it took me years to come out of the fog (and then bam, I had another one so it started again times two!).
I agree w/everyone else about meds and therapy. Sometimes having a child can tap into feelings from our past that we may not understand. I would also like to add--take it easy on yourself when you can. Let things slide sometimes when you need to rest. You are doing a lot of things that are each stressful in their own right so try to take care of yourself (you'll be a better mother too!)
All that said, enjoy the time with your son. It goes by quicker than you can ever realize.
best,
antigua
Posted by bamboomz on December 30, 2004, at 11:18:16
In reply to I dared :-) » bamboomz, posted by Fallen4MyT on December 30, 2004, at 0:40:14
Thanks for the response, I was prescribed the meds from a PDOC. I am not seeing her for therapy though, just to evaluate how I am doing on the drugs and to write me another prescription. They are in the process of referring me to a family doctor, who will then refer me to a psychiatrist. This, I am sure will take time. I am also seeing a naturopath who has me taking Rhodiola, B-vitamins, and Omega essentials. The celexa is whats screwing with me though. This weird lightheaded sad feeling. I hope it goes away soon. Thank you again for the advice and the support, it is good to know that there are people who understand and care.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on December 30, 2004, at 21:30:54
In reply to Re: I dared :-) » Fallen4MyT, posted by bamboomz on December 30, 2004, at 11:18:16
Hi again I think maybe this may not be the right med for you. I personally think that the SSRI's are an over written med and so many people have more issues on them. I am still praying you for for talk therapy that can be free to very low cost on campus even....Your very sweet and have so much on you please feel free to post a lot and also you may want to check out the babble board it has all the meds and how people felt on them. A psychologist or Social worker is more for talk therapy and if/when you get your meds changed it would be good to have someone to talk to and not just on meds. I have seem a PDOC and a Psychologist and will take a psychologist any day...its like a good friend to yak with ya know?
hugs
Posted by bamboomz on December 31, 2004, at 15:56:41
In reply to I dared to read too. » bamboomz, posted by partlycloudy on December 30, 2004, at 7:31:01
I'm glad to have met you too. Thank you for your support and response. Therapy is important and I definately need someone to talk to about everything. I know I am driving everyone else nuts by constantly giving them updates on how bad I feel or what my meds are doing to me. Hopefully I will get over this hump soon.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 1, 2005, at 6:25:03
In reply to Re: I dared to read too. » partlycloudy, posted by bamboomz on December 31, 2004, at 15:56:41
> I'm glad to have met you too. Thank you for your support and response. Therapy is important and I definately need someone to talk to about everything. I know I am driving everyone else nuts by constantly giving them updates on how bad I feel or what my meds are doing to me. Hopefully I will get over this hump soon.
Keep the updates coming, bamboomz. There's lots of support here for you.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 1, 2005, at 16:32:15
In reply to Re: I dared to read too. » partlycloudy, posted by bamboomz on December 31, 2004, at 15:56:41
We do not get tired of hearing anything on here so keep us posted on how you feel and on meds ok?
hugs
Posted by anastasia56 on January 2, 2005, at 23:42:42
In reply to PSSSST BAM, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 1, 2005, at 16:32:15
whew! that is one busy life you lead. The previous posts regarding dosage and proper meds are so true. Sometimes a tweak in dose or an actual shift to another med is the key to success. Making those changes doesn't have to be a momumental thing...it's easy to postpone change...but once you do, you will think 'why did I wait?'
good luck to you and be well
anastasia
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