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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on November 24, 2004, at 6:22:54
I do so well, I try so hard to move on. All it takes is a song, a movie, a public display of affection seen, and I'm right back where I've always been.
Went to a concert last night. Shinedown....still have no idea who they are, but had a good time, didn't drink too much, but just enough to make the music reach into my heart and soul and remind me of things locked away.
So what do I do? I dial that number. I let the music play, and I feel tears in my eyes and I see the line go dead. Now this morning I realize that everytime I do that I back up to right where I was. One step forward and two steps back. This dance hurts way more than just my feet. And I can't stop hearing the music. I can't stop the dreams that haunt my nights, and I can't stop the tears when I sit alone in the dark in the middle of the night and hear that honeyed voice saying those words I loved so much.
"You are so beautiful", which should be followed by, "But not beautiful enough to keep my eyes from roaming"
"I'll never stop loving you" which should be followed by, "I'm just sleeping with her until we can be together"
"I'll wait for you forever, you'll never lose me", which should be followed by, "But I only meant that when I didn't have someone to come home to everynight who is cooking and cleaning for me and now working outside this little love nest and supporting me"
"Being with you was the most special time in my life", which should be followed by, "And I think of you everytime I am inside her"
God I hate him. I never thought I would, I though I loved him too much to ever hate, but now, I hate him. I hate him for what he has done to me. I hate him for what he made me feel. I hate him for invading my mind in my sleep. I hate him for telling me how he feels and apparently not meaning it. I hate him for saying he would call and never did. I hate him for making promises to me that he never kept and apparently didn't intend to. I hate. I hate so much.
Posted by saw on November 24, 2004, at 9:03:12
In reply to Sometimes my Stupidity Astounds Me, posted by AdaGrace on November 24, 2004, at 6:22:54
Ada, I don't think you are hating. I think you are hurting. You hurt. You hurt so much. Think about that sweetie, ok?
S
Posted by sunny10 on November 24, 2004, at 12:29:33
In reply to Re: Sometimes my Stupidity Astounds Me » AdaGrace, posted by saw on November 24, 2004, at 9:03:12
you're not stupid, AdaGrace.
Anger is just part of the "fight or flight" aspect of the human personality. When hurt sets in, the mind chooses fight or flight. You are fighting, that's all. You are still a little scared about flight; just not quite ready to let go of the memories entirely.
It's okay and normal. You're following the seven stages of grief pretty well so far. I have faith that you will come through it to acceptance.
I admire your ability to share with us to help yourself through this.
Stick with it; we'll help however we can.
-sunny10
Posted by AdaGrace on November 24, 2004, at 17:15:07
In reply to Sometimes my Stupidity Astounds Me, posted by AdaGrace on November 24, 2004, at 6:22:54
Posted by AdaGrace on November 25, 2004, at 6:28:51
In reply to Re: Sometimes my Stupidity Astounds Me » AdaGrace, posted by saw on November 24, 2004, at 9:03:12
There isn't a day that goes by that there isn't some hurt. Most days it's dull, and then there are days, days in a row where I cannot stop the hurting from overwhelming me and the anger from taking over. It is very difficult to deal with how things have happened without thinking about how I would treat someone. That angers me more than anything. I would NOT do this to someone else. I would NOT ever let someone feel the way I feel right now. There is such a thing as kindness and I would like to believe that Iam a kind person. Letting someone down can be done kindly or it can be done hurtfully by lying.
AdaGrace
Posted by AdaGrace on November 25, 2004, at 6:30:09
In reply to Re: Sometimes my Stupidity Astounds Me, posted by sunny10 on November 24, 2004, at 12:29:33
What are they?
I used to think that I knew, but now I don't
Is it possible to go on to the next stage for a while and then revert back to a previous stage?
Posted by sunny10 on November 25, 2004, at 11:07:06
In reply to Re: Stages of Grief » sunny10, posted by AdaGrace on November 25, 2004, at 6:30:09
yes, there are lots of "one step forward, two steps back" kind of thing while going through the stages...
I'll try to find a link to them for you somewhere....
Posted by 10derheart on November 25, 2004, at 23:18:10
In reply to Re: Stages of Grief, posted by sunny10 on November 25, 2004, at 11:07:06
If I may jump in, I think I can help. This is a special interest of mine, from time to time, and I was reading about it just earlier today. I am working through termination with my former T., so am going through another kind of painful grieving. I also have some really old grief issues we discovered together. Maybe it would be helpful to read these; it is for me. It reassures me these powerful emotions that pop up are very, very normal and healthy.
The originator, I believe, is Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying", I think from the late 60's or very early 70's. It's a great book. The stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And yes, you definitely can and do, jump back and forth between them. A straight line right through all 5 just isn't the way our ever-so-complex minds/hearts/souls are made up, IMHO. And you can get stuck in one for long periods. And you can experience more than one simultaneously.
Hang in there, AdaGrace. I lurk here a lot and I so feel for the hurt, anger and depression of what's happened to you. My experience was long ago (15+ years), but when I read your words, I do remember thinking almost identical thoughts about the man who treated me that way. I absolutely promise you - it WILL get better. You WILL get to a peaceful place, eventually. Take care. - ((AdaGrace)) -- 10derHeart
Posted by AdaGrace on November 26, 2004, at 7:23:45
In reply to Re: Stages of Grief for AdaGrace » sunny10, posted by 10derheart on November 25, 2004, at 23:18:10
I just don't feel it's fair that I am the only one hurting in this situation......
They go on with their "happy lives" and I suffer.
Posted by AdaGrace on November 26, 2004, at 7:27:00
In reply to Re: Stages of Grief, posted by sunny10 on November 25, 2004, at 11:07:06
Got your link, but don't like the "big girls don't cry" one.
Makes me feel more of a fool because I can't get over it.
But, thanks for keeping me in your thoughts, you are a ray of sunshine on a very stormy cloudy life, and I do appreciate your trying to help. I will get better, I know.....this week has just really been a downer. First Thanksgiving w/out something to look forward to in the relationship. Not even a "Happy Thanksgiving, thinking of you as always" And I didn't send one either. One freaking kudo for me.
Posted by AdaGrace on November 26, 2004, at 9:29:04
In reply to Re: Stages of Grief » sunny10, posted by AdaGrace on November 26, 2004, at 7:27:00
Reverted back to the ANGRY stage
Posted by sunny10 on November 29, 2004, at 13:39:36
In reply to Re: Stages of Grief » AdaGrace, posted by AdaGrace on November 26, 2004, at 9:29:04
Take your time, dear... We'll be with you while you work it out...
Just remember that was just one VERSION of the stages... there are more out there which don't use a "big girls don't cry" approach....
In my opinion, the bigger the girl, the wetter the tears...that's all. Crying is a healthy thing to do to releive this type of stress.
hugs and kisses,
sunny10
This is the end of the thread.
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