![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 8 to 32 of 36. Go back in thread:
Posted by sunny10 on November 10, 2004, at 8:46:12
In reply to Re: SEX, posted by Susan47 on November 9, 2004, at 13:45:04
Geez- I guess the sight of my naked body in the steamy tub, hair up, tendrils curling is no longer enough visual stimulation??!!
Darn, now I have to actually get creative or something!?!
-sunny10
Posted by AdaGrace on November 10, 2004, at 8:49:48
In reply to Re: SEX » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on November 10, 2004, at 8:46:12
Is when I put cocoa butter on my burns on my arms and legs and my dog tries to lick it off.
Sad thing is, I'd rather that, than a real person. I just don't feel anything and don't want to feel anything.
numb is good. numb is very good.
Posted by sunny10 on November 10, 2004, at 11:22:04
In reply to Re: The closest I have come to sex lately, posted by AdaGrace on November 10, 2004, at 8:49:48
Posted by Susan47 on November 11, 2004, at 0:12:40
In reply to Re: SEX » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on November 10, 2004, at 8:46:12
Well, you could do what Hyacinth's sister Daisy did. According to Onslow, she wore a see-through nightie with a "vest" underneath. Mind you, he has a very low sex drive so that's not even funny. Um, try a bra with no nipples in it? My God, I get racy. But we *were* talking about visual stimulation, right? Ew, ew, but don't wear it in the tub. Sheesh, maybe his eyes got fogged up and he couldn't see properly.
Posted by sunny10 on November 11, 2004, at 13:16:29
In reply to Re: SEX, posted by Susan47 on November 11, 2004, at 0:12:40
well, he does work on his feet all day long, and with no heat... He IS tired at night.
Next time I'll try to jump him BEFORE dinner!
Timing is everything...
Posted by Susan47 on November 11, 2004, at 22:29:37
In reply to Re: SEX » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on November 11, 2004, at 13:16:29
Before dinner is okay as long as he's clean... these things can be the difference between a good experience and a bad one ... to some of us, anyway ...
Posted by sunny10 on November 12, 2004, at 8:41:11
In reply to Re: SEX, posted by Susan47 on November 11, 2004, at 22:29:37
so funny- the way you put that....
true on TWO levels... hygenically and drug-free "clean".
The drug part that I simply CANNOT deal with is the fact that he becomes an entirely different person. That makes me a two-timer ! I literally felt like I was cheating on him when he wanted to "do it" when he was on coke!
Hygenically, yummm, nothing like a clean, hot bod straight from the shower.....
-sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on November 12, 2004, at 14:19:59
In reply to Re: SEX, posted by sunny10 on November 12, 2004, at 8:41:11
Oh yes, yes, YES!!! Where do I go line up?
Posted by just plain jane on November 13, 2004, at 21:49:22
In reply to Re: SEX » Susan47, posted by AdaGrace on November 9, 2004, at 7:34:57
Ever try massaging his feet? Just knead with your fingers, not really rub. It does amazing things to (ahem) wake up a tired man.
Posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 11:40:49
In reply to Re: SEX, sunny10, posted by just plain jane on November 13, 2004, at 21:49:22
I'd like someone to massage my feet. I took reflexology and that was fun. If Jai reads this, how about training for reflexology or there's that therapy that you use your hands for, it's healing, I can't think of the handle for it but you can do that at any age and set yourself up and do well I think ....
Posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:42:27
In reply to Re: SEX » Susan47, posted by AdaGrace on November 9, 2004, at 7:34:57
Token male here. What about the myth that women want love more than sex and men want sex more than love? And the classic, men think of sex every 8 seconds?
http://www.snopes.com/science/stats/thinksex.htm
If I saw an attractive woman every 8 seconds, maybe that would be true. I do have an active fantasy life, but reality can be such a disappointment, you know. I don't know who does the top ten around here, but sex, I hate to say, is not number one in my book. I may regret this later, but at this moment, the list to top experiences would have to be:
1) Witnessing the birth of my child
2) Swimming my fastest time and qualifying for the state meet
3) Marrying someone I love
4) Marrying someone I loved
5) Saving someone's life as a lifeguard
6) The first time I had sex with someone I loved
7) Finally graduating from college
8) Watching my son hit a game winning home run
9) Catching more trout than my father on a dry fly for the first time in Montana
10) Having sex with myself for the first time.
[The order of these experiences is accurate plus or minus 2 places]
-Toph
Posted by AdaGrace on November 14, 2004, at 18:13:53
In reply to Re: SEX, posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:42:27
I think that the myth is simply that, a myth.
Women (some anyway) think of sex instead of love sometimes.My first and formost feelings about love and sex is that they are one and the same, but only if the feeling is mutual.
Sex is sex, and love is love.......
sex is not love
but love can be sexsharing ones soul during sex is love
sharing ones body during sex can be love, but often times is only sex
And sometimes the two become one and that is what is special.The sad thing is that when you are aproaching 40 and you just realize you have been having sex for 20 years without love........and then you find someone who you love and have sex with, it makes it hard to go back to just the sex with the one you married.
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH
Ada feeling lonely Grace
Posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 21:25:49
In reply to Re: SEX, posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:42:27
Went to your link and as I was reading I heard the narrator's voice ... who does Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous? Him.
Posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 21:26:51
In reply to Re: SEX, posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:42:27
you know where you say that the reality can be disappointing? Different from the fantasy? Ouch. You slew me. Aaaggghhh ... how awful for us women.
Posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 21:36:42
In reply to Re: SEX, posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:42:27
I've always wondered what it's like to watch the birth of your child rather than being the one to give birth. I would love to have that experience. I envy men and female partners that, the experience of watching your child being born. Because I don't know what it's like. I only know what it's like to be doing the work and trying to observe at the same time. It's just not the same, at all at all. My ex- is still able to recall stuff that happened, that I don't remember at all. I wish. For me, as the mother, giving birth was like being on a different plane of reality than what's normal. I think being stoned on pot is akin to being on that plane. I'm sure there's a physical reason for that. Shut up, Susan.
Posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 22:41:33
In reply to BTW, Toph,, posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 21:36:42
Ours were both born by c-section (breech) so it was really wierd and cool at the same time. When I didn't pass out during the initial incision it was down hill from there. What was most surpising to me was the OB didn't open her up and dive in with both hands as I imagined, he made a small opening and really had to yank my son out. Have to say, I have such a respect for my ex-wife for the pregnancy and birth part. I won't go into the rest. Funny thing is, I got a little creeped out out you mentioning childbirth because my ex's name is Susan. Go figure. Shut up Toph.
Posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 23:33:55
In reply to Re: BTW » Susan47, posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 22:41:33
Well, Susan isn't my real name it's just my posting name. But thanks for caring. Caesarian section births are a lot different, I understand, than vaginal deliveries. Mine were the latter. They're hard in a different way than caesarian births, which are hard in their own right because it's surgery, invasive to the body; there's a different level of recovery required. But they're all miracles.
Posted by sunny10 on November 15, 2004, at 13:06:26
In reply to Re: SEX, posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:42:27
Sorry to burst your bubble, dahlin', but the truth of the matter is that once we women hit 36, we think about it more than you do at 36.... You guys got to go through your "sexually active" stage, hormonally, when you were still young and attractive... We have to just deal with our engines just getting rumbling when you guys decide that fantasies are better than reality.
Yes, it is VERY degrading to us- which is the real reason that by the time we're middle aged, women need therapists more!! It's not the "empty-nest syndrome", which is why men think we wind up in therapy (or need it and don't go); it just coincides with the empty nest 'cause we are more free to jump you whenever the feelings come over us without the kids seeing, but you guys don't WANT us anymore. After a while of being constantly rejected, we need SOMEONE to tell us we're still vibrant, intelligent, sexy beings!
It's a shame THAT isn't on your list...
1. make my wife feel beautiful and loved every day.
2. make love to her at LEAST twice a week.....How 'bout that? That would help....
That's why we are talking about footrubs, et cetera. We are just trying to advocate for ourselves- not men bashing.
I LOVE your list. It is filled with beauty of all kinds. But, please, take a moment to think about why all this talk- and go give your child-bearing, lovelife kindling, soulmate a huge kiss!
Thank you for being brave and joining our thread!!
It IS nice to know that you guys are thinking about what we DO share... even when sex isn't one of those things...-sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on November 15, 2004, at 19:48:32
In reply to Re: SEX » Toph, posted by sunny10 on November 15, 2004, at 13:06:26
Have you lost your urge to want us?
Posted by Toph on November 16, 2004, at 7:05:31
In reply to Toph, is it true?, posted by Susan47 on November 15, 2004, at 19:48:32
I've been lying in this honey for 2 days now and all I get is a bunch of ants all over the place. This sh!t is really sticky.
Posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 12:58:38
In reply to Re: Is it true? » Susan47, posted by Toph on November 16, 2004, at 7:05:31
This doesn't sound good Toph. I'm sorry.
Posted by Toph on November 16, 2004, at 15:28:12
In reply to Re: Is it true?, posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 12:58:38
Yikes, I just realized that there are at least two Sunnys. I hope I haven't been confusing the two of you. I'm really bad with names.
Posted by sunny10 on November 17, 2004, at 8:17:02
In reply to Re: Is it true?, posted by Toph on November 16, 2004, at 15:28:12
Please, don't THINK about apologizing.... sometimes it feels like there are at least a half dozen Sunny's in my OWN head....
And, no, I'm not Schizophrenic- just confused...
Toph, I must say, other than the whole "sex is just messy" thing, I think you're a prize. Your wife is one lucky lady ! And, plus, she's probably past menopause now and could care less about the sex thing, too, right?!
I'm so glad to know that you have such a pillar of support- your relationship.
I have hope that my SO and I will get there. We are both working really hard at it. Lots of exasperation going on, but lots of love, too.
Your talk of your marriage gives me hope. For that I thank you.
-sunny10 (oooh, maybe there are 10 of me???)
Posted by Toph on November 26, 2004, at 1:22:27
In reply to Re: Is it true? » Toph, posted by sunny10 on November 17, 2004, at 8:17:02
I got blocked so I never got around to responding to you Sunny. It's nice what you said, I can't tell you how fortunate I am to hve a wonderful partner. My first wife fell out of love with me after she went through a third hospitalization of mine. We had 2 kids together and I discovered that she was sleeping with a guy from work. I was crushed. My daughter was only a year old and I thought we wanted that baby. To this day I cannot forgive myself for failing to spare my kids the anguish of having their father move out. My wife, whose first husband abandoned his daughter, my step-daughter, reassures me that I was as good a father to my children as if I had never left. I saw them every Wednesday for dinner and every weekend from Friday through Sunday night. But still, even though they both eventually chose to live with me when they turned 12, I can not get out of my mind that face of my son when I moved out when he was 5. That perfectly happy little boy has a scar that affects him today.
How'd I get off on this. I want to say that after such pain, you think that your one shot at a healthy marriage is ruined. But miracles can happen. And I met this cute, capable social worker with curly hair. She is the most honest person I know and the most trustworthy. I wish I didn't disappoint her so much, she deserves better. Marriage is a lot of work. Intimacy, in all its forms, is hard to maintain with all the pressures of work and having mood swings and everything. Sorry to ramble so.
Posted by sunny10 on November 29, 2004, at 13:30:50
In reply to Re: Is it true? » sunny10, posted by Toph on November 26, 2004, at 1:22:27
Yes, mine has a scar from 3 yrs old. I left the house by attempting suicide. I was so scared and emotionally abused that I thought there was no other way to stop my son from being hurt. (My ex would take out his anger with me by throwing our son into bed; hitting wall first, et cetera).
They saved me in hospital (or did they?!) and I never went back. I couldn't- therapy and drugs got me to the point that I realized that I had to jump at this chance to escape an abuser....
Years later (and more horrid love affairs later) my poor SO is stuck working through this stuff with me. But the "stuff" we are working on is not all my baggage. He brought his fair share, too.
That's what I meant when I said you give me hope... Hope that the work my SO and I are doing will metamorphosize into a great life together, we're planning it already as we go!
-sunny10
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.