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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on November 9, 2004, at 23:21:20
At what point does it ever seem to get better?
When do I feel like a person again?
When do I feel attractive, smart, worthy of love?
When do I stop feeling like nothing, empty, nobody?
When do the lies stop twirling in my head?
Why does it hurt so much and make me want to die?
I cannot see two feet in front of me, and all that I do see makes me want to scream........
It's not me!!!!!! This is not me!!!!!!!!
I once was happy, or at least I thought I was.
How could I let someone make me feel this torn appart?
How did I let myself open up only to get stomped on again?
You see, there is a reason I wouldn't let you in at first. The heart that you stole was broken already.
There is no such thing as true love is there?
No such thing as soul mates........
No such thing as happyness......Only the ones deserving get that.......
And I am not deserving.I am in such a $*%*&^(&&*$(^(*&_)&**()(+_)(+
funk. I cannot seem to make myself feel better.No sex.
No tenderness.
No love.Don't touch me, I neither want it, nor do I ask for it, and I certainly don't deserve it.
But that is because I won't allow it.
I don't think I will ever allow it again.Being such a horrible person really takes a toll on someone..........
It's hard on the mind, body and soul when you realize you have ruined your life, because you though you wanted what you couldn't have. You ruined your life because now, noone can ever get to you, noone can ever get inside and know the real you, you keep that hidden with booze, false laughter and so many many lies.
Are you okay? is something wrong?
No nothing, absolutely nothing.
Posted by partlycloudy on November 10, 2004, at 6:06:06
In reply to When does it end?, posted by AdaGrace on November 9, 2004, at 23:21:20
Ada, this is you going through grief. Your experiences have left you completely uncertain of your own abilities and capacity for love. Don't despair, but there isn't a fast-dorward button for this. You have to learn to trust yourself again. Give yourself enough time to heal and get to know yourself well enough to realize why this happened in the first place. By gaining this self knowledge you become stronger, and in a healthier place from which to feel and give love. It feels like it took me forever.
pc
Posted by AdaGrace on November 10, 2004, at 6:43:34
In reply to Re: When does it end?, posted by partlycloudy on November 10, 2004, at 6:06:06
It already feels like forever.
The past 18 years seem like forever.
They seem like forever.Forever.
Forever.I hate me. I so hate me very much.
Posted by partlycloudy on November 10, 2004, at 7:40:29
In reply to Re: When does it end?, posted by AdaGrace on November 10, 2004, at 6:43:34
I did go through the same thing, AdaGrace. It gets better, the first step is not being so hard on yourself. Being human is what it's all about.
Posted by Susan47 on November 11, 2004, at 0:29:13
In reply to When does it end?, posted by AdaGrace on November 9, 2004, at 23:21:20
Okay, philosophical smart-ass that I am here goes, there's no such thing as a ruined life unless you see it that way and if you do there's always a different opinion yours isn't the only one. You're doing better than you think hon. (((AdaGrace)))
Posted by just plain jane on November 11, 2004, at 12:31:56
In reply to Re: When does it end?, posted by Susan47 on November 11, 2004, at 0:29:13
indeed!!
Guilty also.
What is ruined is past, AdaGrace.
Just as you let yourself do a bunch of shyt that you now see as a bunch of shyt, you can also let yourself do GOOD shyt, because you have a whole new life ahead of you to do it in.
And don't go complainin' about the shytty situation you are in now (not your feelings, those are what they are, but the actual situation) because, laaawdamercychile, just imagine if this was the first day of the rest of your life (as it is) and you were only one day old. I'm thinking you're better equipped to do positive things with your situation being the age you are.
You are, from all I've read here, one pretty tough person. Just been aiming all that tough in the wrong direction.
"I'm so tough I can drink you all under the table."
Followed by, "I'm so tough I can live with this hangover."
Followed by, "I'm so tough I can beat the shyt out of myself some more, just for sport."
raised eyebrow
hug
just plain
Posted by AdaGrace on November 12, 2004, at 21:28:18
In reply to Re: When does it end?, posted by partlycloudy on November 10, 2004, at 7:40:29
I'll do better shyte.......I promise to shyte less often, and with better substance. I shyte......I shyte......I shyte my way back home.....
Posted by just plain jane on November 14, 2004, at 0:38:48
In reply to Re: Alright Already, posted by AdaGrace on November 12, 2004, at 21:28:18
Posted by AdaGrace on November 14, 2004, at 20:22:57
In reply to laughed so hard I shytted meself (nm) » AdaGrace, posted by just plain jane on November 14, 2004, at 0:38:48
I aparently have shyt myself so much I am having a serious case of gaulding.
Jane, where are you, I really need a friend right nwo.
Posted by sunny10 on November 15, 2004, at 13:23:59
In reply to Re: but this weekend » just plain jane, posted by AdaGrace on November 14, 2004, at 20:22:57
can you explain to a stupid american what "gaulding" is? I was having a great time with the one liners, but slammed into a wall with that one...
Posted by AdaGrace on November 15, 2004, at 18:38:27
In reply to Re: but this weekend, posted by sunny10 on November 15, 2004, at 13:23:59
like how you might feel if you went horseback riding without a saddle and were wearing shorts and it was like really hot outside.
Posted by sunny10 on November 16, 2004, at 8:37:21
In reply to Re: Gaulding » sunny10, posted by AdaGrace on November 15, 2004, at 18:38:27
This is the end of the thread.
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