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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on November 7, 2004, at 22:10:34
I always attract men who are sharks. They see the vulnerability in me and just go for it. I'm glad I have friends who watch out for me. I need to learn shark recognition.
Posted by starrc68 on November 8, 2004, at 11:33:57
In reply to Sharks, posted by Susan47 on November 7, 2004, at 22:10:34
i know what you mean i do the same thing, so i do know how you feel, this will maybe make you feel a little better, an old boyfriend looked me up now the history on that one he started using drugs and i would not put up with that so i left, but any way he calls me up and we talk for about 2 weeks and then i get a call from a prison well i guess he beat his girlfiend up which he told me there was no girlfriend but any way i really cared for this man and i sent him money while he was in there and he got out and went to his parents house so we keept talking and reaLLy thinking we were gonna get back togther he had convinced me he changed and he didnt hurt her, love makes you blind but anyway, he went back to her after a few thousand $$ and now out of the blue i hear from his mom well we kinda keept in touch they are victims here to he took advange of them to but he is now back in for stealing her car and beating her again and a few other things and wants me to write him!! NOWAY!!! i am not taking any calls or anything because for some resond i really do or did love him, but the feeling are very diffrent now just no way. sorry its so long, i really do know what u are going through!
Posted by sunny10 on November 8, 2004, at 12:08:11
In reply to Sharks, posted by Susan47 on November 7, 2004, at 22:10:34
Your friends sound like a lifesaver- literally.
I wish I HAD friends left... My past sharks have chased them all away. There are only two left- one who is always too busy and the other lives three states away.
Neither of them is ready wth harpoons, unfortunately.
Yes, those men are out there with abundance. You can't learn shark-radar. You can only make yourself less vulnerable to them. It has the added advantage of making YOU less desirable, too. If they don't think they can manipulate you, they don't want you- they'll choose someone with thinner skin.
That said, I, too am trying to be "thicker-skinned". I am convinced that the key lies in my subconscious. We all,consciously, know our pasts, or our diagnoses, et cetera. The big question is how to eradicate the vulnerability. To eradicate whatever it is in our subconscious "personalities formed in our childhoods" that lead us to become sharkbait.
If I learn anything new, I'll get back to you.
-sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on November 8, 2004, at 16:46:18
In reply to Re: Sharks sorry its so long, posted by starrc68 on November 8, 2004, at 11:33:57
Don't break down and don't take his calls, you know what's good for you, right? He isn't good for anyone no matter how he makes you feel. I should take some of my own advice.
Posted by Susan47 on November 8, 2004, at 16:51:16
In reply to Re: Sharks » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on November 8, 2004, at 12:08:11
Yeah, if I learn how to recognize these dweebs for myself I'll let you know the secret too. One thing I do know, is that these people make me feel uncomfortable from the get-go but I always push the feeling of discomfort away, because I want to give people a chance to be good. I gave my father many chances to be good, he never was, but somehow I never learned to stop giving chances. I'm just trying to analyze myself. I'm grateful to be making real girlfriends all the time, women who don't have my problems and have a clearer perspective on relationships than I do. My girlfriends are, thankfully, older and wiser than me.
Posted by starrc68 on November 8, 2004, at 20:11:28
In reply to Starr, posted by Susan47 on November 8, 2004, at 16:46:18
thank you and i wont give in i am stroger than that now it took me long enough but i am!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you again
Posted by sunny10 on November 9, 2004, at 11:54:18
In reply to Re: Sharks, Sunny, posted by Susan47 on November 8, 2004, at 16:51:16
We can all SEE them- afterwards...I have a way of getting off topic sometimes...
The point I was attempting to make was that if you focus your therapy on what makes you vulnerable, your "work" will be finished sooner- and you'll feel better about YOU.
I found that it was a wasted effort to "be on the lookout" for them. That kind of "work" is forever!
I chose to go to therapy to become undesirable to them! If you're no longer vulnerable, they won't want you- you'll be too much work for THEM!
Just my opinion- although my T agrees wholeheartedly.
-sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on November 9, 2004, at 13:41:15
In reply to Re: Sharks, » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on November 9, 2004, at 11:54:18
Yes, I have been working on making myself unattractive to the sharks, actually there's only been one so that feels really good. Being bluntly honest, and I'm finally at an age where I'm allowed to do that and get away with it and still be loved ... well,t hat's helped. But I'm finally at a point where I don't care to be loved by certain people. Wahoo!!! But my friends still help me identify myself before I ever get to doormat-dom, and to them I'll be eternally thankful. And for them, thankful that they do love me and I love them too. I have some terrific friends, I'm very very lucky.
Posted by sunny10 on November 9, 2004, at 13:52:50
In reply to Thanks, Sunny, posted by Susan47 on November 9, 2004, at 13:41:15
Jeez- you sound so healthy, what the H**L do you need US for??!!
Seriously, it's good to hearing you sounding up today !
I know what you mean about the age thing- it DOES help, somehow... It's hard to put together with the whole weight gain, facial lines, et cetera which you would THINK would make it Harder to deal with the relationship stuff. But somehow it helps ! I'm not even going to TRY to make sense of it- as long as it's TRUE, I'm not going to overanalyze it.
-sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on November 9, 2004, at 14:05:44
In reply to Re: Thanks, Sunny » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on November 9, 2004, at 13:52:50
Yeah, the lines really help. I don't get it either but people seem to respect a few signs of aging. Just not too many, please, but it's impossible to stop the engine when it's on the tracks.
Well in response to me needing you I'll probably be having a hangover around about an hour from now, my pot will be wearing off and I'll feel miserable. But then I'll have a toke and be fine again for a while. This is the stuff I do on days when I'm "feeling good". Well, not always so I'm going to turn on the music bake some bread and pay some bills and then I won't need the other toke. See how it works? God, I'm annoying.
Posted by sunny10 on November 9, 2004, at 14:09:18
In reply to Sunny I know what you mean, posted by Susan47 on November 9, 2004, at 14:05:44
Hmmm... if only you could feel like baking when you're not baked.....
Sorry, makes me nervous when people self-medicate... just the little Puritan in me who is usually involved in daily hand-to-hand combat with the sex kitten in me....
Confusing little B***H, ain't I??
-sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on November 9, 2004, at 15:40:07
In reply to Re: Sunny I know what you mean » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on November 9, 2004, at 14:09:18
No no no, not confusing just not really happy ...
Well, in response to the self-medication it works as well as Prozac, if not better. My psychiatrist actually told me he was more worried about alcohol than marijuana use. So there. And I know that alcohol depresses me but the other doesn't. And I worked for the law for over twenty years and stayed clean that entire time (hmhm) and it wasn't something I planned to do now either, but it's what keeps me alive and feeling like I want to be alive, so I am not allowed nor do I feel any guilt whatsoever over smoking marijuana. As far as I am concerned, the reason I smoke is as medically valid as the reason anyone else takes over the counter antidepressants with their various side effects OR smokes marijuana for medical reasons such as overwhelming nausea.
So there, :]
Posted by sunny10 on November 10, 2004, at 8:43:46
In reply to Re: Sunny I know what you mean, posted by Susan47 on November 9, 2004, at 15:40:07
Yes, you are right, it IS less scary than alcohol.
I was really speaking generally about EVERYONE.
I just wish we weren't all desperate for a "fix" of SOMETHING to live this life. I wish we didn't NEED various chemicals. I freely admit to drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, both stimulants, which is just as bad.
Did I tell you that I am a Utopian deep down inside? I often feel that I must have been left here on earth in error by my alien family- this world we live seems so harsh and strange...
Sorry if I offended. I re-read my post and I apologize for coming off as judgmental.
Can you forgive this alien?
-sunny10
Posted by Susan47 on November 11, 2004, at 0:08:32
In reply to Re: Thanks, Sunny » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on November 9, 2004, at 13:52:50
Omigosh I didn't know I sounded so brutal, I didn't mean to honestly. I don't know what gets into me sometimes, I was actually trying to be brazenly funny about the whole drug use thing. You didn't sound judgmental about anything, only maybe I sounded too healthy and happy to be here (Come on, SUnny, get a grip!!! Just kidding :]) Okay I just wanted you to know that I have real problems and marijuana is the "fix" (I'm using your term I would probably use one more like "medicine") that makes me feel interested in living. It just makes everything seem to speed up, or slow down and my mind speeds up, I'm not sure which. But it brings my mind to a level of working that I need it to be at. I hope someone out there understands and can validate what I'm saying, but if not, I still know what's true for me.
Posted by sunny10 on November 11, 2004, at 8:02:53
In reply to Sunny, I apologize lovey!, posted by Susan47 on November 11, 2004, at 0:08:32
I know that I am guilty of a bit of transference on this one... My SO has snuck behind my back, used cocaine in our home, and lied to me about it. Marijuana really doesn't scare me like coke does- dope is, after all, just a cigarette that makes you mellow instead of stimulated. I'm not even sure WHY it's illegal. It doesn't kill you like cocaine can. One bad mix of cocaine from a dealer/supplier can cause a fatal heartache- dope doesn't do that- I KNOW that.
I am just very nervous about any type of "drug" right now because of the lying, et cetera, NONE of which is your fault.
Mea culpa, dear, don't waste another minute of your energy on my transference issue...
Posted by Susan47 on November 11, 2004, at 22:24:15
In reply to Re: No, it is I who apologize, lovey! » Susan47, posted by sunny10 on November 11, 2004, at 8:02:53
Seriously, I do still apologize BUT I completely agree with you on the issue of lying. If I had to lie about my marijuana use to my children, my friends, or my co-workers, it would tip me off in a big way that I was having a problem with the drug otherwise why would I need to lie about it? There's no lying needed if you're straight-up and doing everything right. I'm not a person who's ever believed that the Law has final say in what's morally acceptable.
Having said that, I don't go around hurting people either, not purposely in any case. I believe that we all hurt somebody all the time, though, because we exist and because the world's an immensely complicated place with a lot of complicated brains walking around in it.
Oh shut up Susan.
Posted by sunny10 on November 12, 2004, at 8:37:20
In reply to Re: No, it is I who apologize, lovey! » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on November 11, 2004, at 22:24:15
don't shut up...
That was a very eloquently stated truth.
I was just telling Toph that I was trying to grow a thicker skin... my armor doesn't appear to be thick enough but I'm working on it.
-sunny10
This is the end of the thread.
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