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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2004, at 0:09:21
I have never had a proper boyfriend. Nobody has really showed much interest in me. Except church leaders, teachers and the like, but then that was when I was a teenager. Now I just have 'arrangements', sometimes. But I have never been out on a date. Never had a proper boyfriend.
Sometimes I think there is something seriously wrong with me. Can I only care for people I am not allowed? And I know that is not healthy caring anyway.
I feel like my body is all wired up wrong now.
I try to keep remembering why I like to be single.
I don't think I'll ever be anything but.
Posted by boomarang on October 31, 2004, at 1:07:32
In reply to My tragic life..., posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2004, at 0:09:21
not trying to minimize what you are going thru, but i can think of a few reasons why you like the single life...
1.)sleeping as long or as short as you want on weekends
2.)staying up as late or early
3.)if there is a fart in the room it is most likely your own
4.)eating what you want when you want it (this means never having to hear "what's for dinner?")
5.)cleaning up after yourself only...cleaning up after someone else can lead to resentment...especially if you're like me and once i clean a room i feel like magically it should stay that way for weeks.
6.)never have to say "i'm not really in the mood" and if perchance you are, you always have "Bob", your "Battery Operated Boyfriend".Now the good news is, should you decide you must have a mate, if you can find one that can cook, you can pretty much do away with the others.
In all seriousness, if you want to change the way you relate to people you can learn how to do that. Or you can choose the lifestyle you have now and realize it is your choice.
best of luck to you
sara
Posted by Pfinstegg on October 31, 2004, at 13:24:28
In reply to My tragic life..., posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2004, at 0:09:21
You sound like a really nice person- lively, intelliigent, warm and fun. There must be a reason that you haven't had a real relationship yet. Just some thoughts: do you meet men whom you like and are attracted to? (I guess I'm thinking here that you may not give yourself permission to have your own natural feelings) Do you get scared if relationships move into caring as well as sex? That is quite scary for everybody, of course, but for some people, it's really paralyzing. Good therapy can help so much with these two things, as well as with self-confidence. Just guessing here- but I would think a male therapist would be a good choice for you. If I remember correctly, you have TWO therapists right now- one of each sex, right?
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 31, 2004, at 19:56:29
In reply to My tragic life..., posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2004, at 0:09:21
> Except church leaders, teachers and the like, but then that was when I was a teenager.
* Please think about these questions since you are on a public forum I don't want you to share anything personal that you want to keep private.
I sometimes forget about the public part of PB.Okay why do you think these people gave you the type of attention you wanted when you were a teenager?
What (if anything) did these people have in common?
How have you changed since you were a teenager?
Were you more open? Did you ask for more support?
Look at what was similar and what's different.> I feel like my body is all wired up wrong now.
*What does that mean? How is that possible...did something happen? Do you experience pain when it could be pleasure etc? Or is it more psychological?
> I don't think I'll ever be anything but.
*Why do you think that?
because you are single now?
I didn't meet my longterm mate till I was 38 years old.
I had some really bad relationships to distract me from being worried about being alone.
I mean they were really bad.Everybody has their own timing and rhythm.
If I were right there with you I would ask you:
Ask youself what is standing in your way...you might get an interesting answer.
You sound like you have a busy life and maybe a mate would ask too much of you right now? Are you leaving the area? Do you want to get involved with someone now or when you arrive in....USA or where ever you end up?
One never knows what life has in store for them right around the corner.
Jai, your buddy in the good ole USA
Posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2004, at 20:06:53
In reply to Re: My tragic life..., posted by boomarang on October 31, 2004, at 1:07:32
Thanks for your response. Don't worry, I can appreciate humour :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2004, at 20:14:45
In reply to Re: My tragic life... » alexandra_k, posted by Pfinstegg on October 31, 2004, at 13:24:28
Thankyou :-) I don't have toooo much of a problem with making friends. I have several male friends who I feel quite close to. I suppose that to be fair a few of them have expressed interest in having a relationship with me, but I don't take them very seriously because I dont' think it would work out. I tend to have different friends for my different aspects. There is nobody who crosses them all.
Sometimes 'arrangements' do get a bit too involved. That is hard. But then we agreed that we are not suitable long term which is why it is an arangement.
> Just guessing here- but I would think a male therapist would be a good choice for you. If I remember correctly, you have TWO therapists right now- one of each sex, right?
Yup. Though I am about to terminate the female one (see social). I think I agree, male T's seem to be best for me.
Thankyou for your response.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2004, at 20:30:23
In reply to Re: My tragic life..., posted by Jai Narayan on October 31, 2004, at 19:56:29
Hi Jai. I don't mind because I feel pretty anonymous here.
> Okay why do you think these people gave you the type of attention you wanted when you were a teenager?
It wasn't really the type of attention that I wanted, but it was attention that I wanted if you see what I mean. I was extremely lonely and had nobody to talk to. I guess I was an easy target. And so I was targeted, multiple times. I put up with it, and kept my mouth shut, and would go to see them of my own free will because any attention was better than no attention.
> I feel like my body is all wired up wrong now.
And so now, in terms of people who I feel physically attracted to, they are all unobtainable people who SHOULDN'T have anything like that to do with me. And I seem to not be able to feel attracted to my peers.
> I didn't meet my longterm mate till I was 38 years old.
:-) Then there is hope for me yet :-)
> I had some really bad relationships to distract me from being worried about being alone.'Arrangements' probably are my equivalent.
> Ask youself what is standing in your way...
I just think that I haven't met anyone yet. But then I don't understand why some people can go from relationship from relationship and why it is that I have never met ANYONE. But then I do not look to tell you the truth. I do not look.
> You sound like you have a busy life and maybe a mate would ask too much of you right now? Are you leaving the area? Do you want to get involved with someone now or when you arrive in....USA or where ever you end up?
Yeah, you are right. Rationally, I know now is not the time because I want to leave anyway. But then rationally, there may never be a time. I just hope that someday I feel both friendship and attraction to somebody appropriate. Someone who reciprocates. And someone whose own plans correspond to the direction that I want my life to take.
I guess that probably I'm still single because it is not terribly high on my list of priorities. My current arrangement suits us both well enough. I just find it somewhat embarrassing that I have never had a boyfriend. Or dated. I feel out of the loop of life.
Posted by Pfinstegg on October 31, 2004, at 22:14:43
In reply to Re: My tragic life... » Pfinstegg, posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2004, at 20:14:45
Well, it does sound like there are guys around! I just knew there would be. But relationships aren't easy, and to make them fulfilling, we all do have to be the healthiest we can be- a huge challenge.
I don't know much about you, of course, but I do feel instinctively glad that you chose a male therapist. I'm going to bet that after a year or two of working with him, you will be telling us about real dates and a real relationship! When it happens, will you promise to let us know?
Posted by Angela2 on November 4, 2004, at 8:45:14
In reply to My tragic life..., posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2004, at 0:09:21
Alexandra k,
I am so sorry you are feeling like this! I want to tell you that I know how you feel. I am kind of in the same boat. I have had "boyfriends" before, but it was always all about sex and never about something more serious or intimate. I am happy without a boytfriend right now. I don't have those feelings of "I wish I had a boyfriend, why don't I have a boyfriend" but I know what it's like to feel that way! Please keep posting here. I'm glad you are because I think it makes you feel better. Sorry if this wasn't much help!
-Angela
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