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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 17, 2004, at 8:21:30
I just keep seeing those words written in type.
"ty for not callin"
"ty for not callin"
I'm so glad I can make it easier for him. So glad that I am the one to suffer.
So hurt, but trying to be so positive about everything is just hurting me more.
Can't even cry now. Haven't in several days.
Just keep remembering his words.
"You are the love of my life"
"You mean the world to me"
"I love you with ALL my heart"
"There will NEVER be anyone else"
"I'll love you till the day I die"
"I love you more than life itself"
"I will never hurt you"
"you are so beautiful"
"you are so special"
"I'll wait for you forever"
******************************"hey, glad you are doing better, I cant talk as much as I want to, I miss you, ty for not callin, cause that wouldnt be good, ty for not callin."
He never was good at spelling or grammar.
I hurt, I hate, I love, I feel......and yet I can't cry now.
Posted by AdaGrace on October 17, 2004, at 17:33:20
In reply to Remembering Him This Morning, posted by AdaGrace on October 17, 2004, at 8:21:30
Sundays are sometimes the hardest for me. Left alone, nothing to do but think of him. Sundays were our days to rest and chat on the phone. So many things said together. So many moments shared.
"I am so glad I met you"
"you keep me going"
"I hate it when we don't talk"
"I love you so comepletely"
"You are my world"
"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me"
"I wasn't living until I met you"
"You make life worth living"
"When we were together you were heaven sent"
"I've never felt this way about anyone else in my life"
"I never knew love till I met you"Now it all runs together in my mind and I imagine him saying that to her. I imagine him being with her, touching her, making love to her like he did to me. I imagine him sitting with her on the couch, watching tv. Taking her out, being with her the way we could never be together. I am eaten up with hurt, jealously, and anger.....yet so very very sad. I am so very empty. I want to be held. I want to be told I'm the one. I want him to love me again.
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 17, 2004, at 19:09:19
In reply to Re: Still Thinking of HIm Tonight, posted by AdaGrace on October 17, 2004, at 17:33:20
AdaGrace,
God your messages resonate so much with me. I can't write too much write now...have had a sad day too.What strikes me about your post was my person said some of those exact things! He has a Phd in manipulation...and I simply fell for it. I take full accountability for my actions...but I think that both your guy and my guy have issues.
Hang in there. Try to remember what he is doing/not doing is no reflection of you or your worth.
Keep posting,
dazed
Posted by AdaGrace on October 18, 2004, at 9:14:24
In reply to Re: Still Thinking of HIm Tonight, posted by dazedandconfused on October 17, 2004, at 19:09:19
My self worth was entirely dependent on his approval. That's the key here. I had sent him pictures (only good ones of course) and had lost about 20 pounds before we met....I was so worried about what he would think, as I still feel I am 20 pounds to goal. When he was here of course he said I was beautiful and I felt it. But in three weeks time the no contact started. (about the time he met this other woman) contact was sporatic after that and I began to feel a rejection like no other. Of course I blamed it on my ugly fat looks and felt as if he was not satisfied with me at all. It hurt my ego and pride tremendously and I told him that. Of course he denied feeling that way, said he felt he could never have me and it wasn't his intention to go looking for someone else. I knew though, I knew in my heart that I was just too ugly and fat for him to love me. That is when the depression really kicked it up a notch, and of course a few months later when I found out that not only did he have a girlfriend but she was living with him......my world shattered. How could he? It was like I was 17 again and gave away my virginity to some sweaty football player who then went on to the cheerleader. It's was so hurtful to me that I actually accused him of "getting what he wanted and then just leaving" and he was so angered by that and said he was just so hurt by my words. But essentially that is what happened. I had not had sex with anyone but my husband for 18 years, I was totally devestated by this. I absolutely have no self worth now.
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 18, 2004, at 9:27:34
In reply to Re: Still Thinking of HIm Tonight » dazedandconfused, posted by AdaGrace on October 18, 2004, at 9:14:24
I hear you AdaGrace.
What i know I have to realize is my situation really doesn't have anything to do with this guy. I was low and vulnerable when I met him,,,which is why I allowed him to use me,,,and the rejection/guilt have just caused me to sink lower than before.
It sounds corny, but I know that the solution is to increase my self-worth and self-esteem. But how?? How do I move past the guilt?
dazed
Posted by dazedandconfused on October 18, 2004, at 9:29:20
In reply to Re: Still Thinking of HIm Tonight, posted by dazedandconfused on October 18, 2004, at 9:27:34
AdaGrace,
Does your husband know everything that happened? Mine has no idea and sometimes I wonder if I should tell him and maybe that would help the guilt?I doubt this is the answer. Also, I haven't worked since my nervous breakdown five years ago so I would be out on the street if he left.
dazed
Posted by AdaGrace on October 18, 2004, at 10:42:33
In reply to Re: (above for Adagrace), posted by dazedandconfused on October 18, 2004, at 9:29:20
My husband knows there was a relationship and that I intended to meet him, but thinks it was over two years ago. I blew the whole thing off to him as a simple fantasy and he seemed to buy that. But he has trouble forgiving and still refers to it as an affair even though I never admitted to the real intimacy.
No, I do not think that telling him the whole story is a good idea. To purge myself of the whole thing to him would only hurt him in the long run and I don't want to do that. Since the other guy rejected me I never had to admitt to my husband my true feelings for this guy, which as of right now I think is the best way to deal with it since I am still unsure if I want to leave him or not. My T agrees with this.
Posted by just plain jane on October 20, 2004, at 23:14:54
In reply to Re: (above for Adagrace) » dazedandconfused, posted by AdaGrace on October 18, 2004, at 10:42:33
AdaGrace,
Already I see your wisdom and self respect kicking at the walls you have built around yourself, imprisoning you with your perception of his "love".
I agree with you (and your T), this is something that is yours, and yours alone, to heal, to bear the scar, to learn and to use what you have learned to help yourself toward being who you really want to be.
And I'd bet that who you want to be will not be taken in by the likes of the con man who tried to steal your self-respect.
But...
No-one can take your self-respect, your honor, your love; no one can take these innate gifts from you. The worst they can do is to interfere with your perceptions of these aspects of yourself.And interference can be tuned out and eventually eliminated, allowing you to refocus on how you truly desire to live. I'm not thinking you'd want to be at the mercy of a heartless fool who would do such callous things.
The fact that you are not sure you want to leave your husband suggests to me that perhaps he would benefit from joining you at a T session or three... to talk about the spit and how to make love and, well... all that good stuff. But, in my opinion, NO... don't ever give him any more information about the other man thing. Like I said, that is yours alone to bear. And your husband can never use it as a means of hurting you further.
just plain full of it tonight jane
Posted by AdaGrace on October 21, 2004, at 12:22:15
In reply to wisdom » AdaGrace, posted by just plain jane on October 20, 2004, at 23:14:54
This is the end of the thread.
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