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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Colleen D. on October 11, 2004, at 13:43:10
It's been a year since I've given my husband a chance to clean up his act. It hasn't happened and last night when he locked me out of the house, I decided it was time to take the first step. I feel quite relieved in a way, since our troubles have existed for years, but I am nervous and anxious about what's to come. Our children are ages 5, 2 and 1, and our 5 yo has special needs and we receive SSI for him. Does anyone have tips or words of advice for me?
I think a Xanax is in order tonight!
Thanks lots!
Colleen
PPD, GAD and OCD
Posted by AdaGrace on October 11, 2004, at 13:49:26
In reply to I just made an appt. with a divorce lawyer!, posted by Colleen D. on October 11, 2004, at 13:43:10
I wish you all the luck in the world, and wish I had the guts to make up my mind as well. Your children are younger than mine, and therefore might just handle things quite well. Take care.
Posted by antigua on October 11, 2004, at 17:45:38
In reply to I just made an appt. with a divorce lawyer!, posted by Colleen D. on October 11, 2004, at 13:43:10
All I can do is wish you the very best of luck. I'm really impressed that you made that call.
I don't have anything else to say except to send support (and hugs) your way.
You are a strong woman!
antigua
Posted by partlycloudy on October 11, 2004, at 19:09:53
In reply to I just made an appt. with a divorce lawyer!, posted by Colleen D. on October 11, 2004, at 13:43:10
I don't have any children, But I want you to know that I was very nervous about meeting with a divorce lawyer. What if she thought I should stay married (OK, I couldn't think of a reason, but maybe she could), what if she thought he was right (did I tell you I specialze in doubting myy own actions?).
Even though it is a business contract and in your lawyer's best interest to see that the divorce goes smoothly, I still felt quite validated when she said, "what an (orifice)!!!"
Whew - did I pass the civility test??
Posted by Catgirl on October 11, 2004, at 19:47:48
In reply to I just made an appt. with a divorce lawyer!, posted by Colleen D. on October 11, 2004, at 13:43:10
Good luck to you, and do what's best to protect your yourself.
Let us know what happens and be brave.
CG
Posted by saw on October 12, 2004, at 1:43:36
In reply to I just made an appt. with a divorce lawyer!, posted by Colleen D. on October 11, 2004, at 13:43:10
My heart goes out to you Colleen. It was a very major decision in my life to get divorced when my baby was 6 months old. I had nowhere to go, no-one to look after my baby when I worked. My job was quite far out and I didn't have transport. And I was absolutely terrified and still very much in love with my ex oriface (nice one pc). To this day, I don't know how I came through it all, but I did and here I am today.
You will come through this too. You have made a major decision which took a great deal of strength. Especially since you have 3 small children, and one with special needs. (He must be a sweetie!).
You are quite entitled to feeling nervous and anxious.
Sending you much more strength and loads of respect for making such an important decision.
Sabrina
Posted by Colleen D. on October 12, 2004, at 6:55:19
In reply to Re: I just made an appt. with a divorce lawyer! » Colleen D., posted by saw on October 12, 2004, at 1:43:36
I'm looking for a job now since I know I will have to go baqck to work. I've been at home with kids since my SN son was 7 months old, but I do have a college degree and lots of varied experience. I applied last week for a Teacher's Assistant job in my son's pre-school and should hear something on that today. We don't have many assets, pretty much our home which we still owe 26K on and 15 acres of land. Can anyone tell me how long their divorce took and how much it cost? Of course I'm worried about all the details now, but my appt. with the lawyer is next Friday and I have a lot of time to think about it. My folks live in the same town, but are nearly 70yo, so I do have some support here...thank god! Do you think I'll be able to stay in my house with the kids? I'm thinking we'll have to sell the house to cover legal costs. Wow! I really have jumped right in...but it feels right. Thanks again!
Colleen
Posted by antigua on October 12, 2004, at 17:31:31
In reply to Gosh, thanks everyone for the support!..., posted by Colleen D. on October 12, 2004, at 6:55:19
You might have to buy him out (if there is equity) if you want to stay in the house. Depends on where you are located. Are you in the U.S.? Some states have no-fault divorce and some really put you through the ringer about grounds for divorce if the other person doesn't want the divorce.
I'm glad you have some IRL support with your parents close by (as long as they don't make it worse!) and remember, you have us.
best,
antigua
Posted by Colleen D. on October 12, 2004, at 19:41:01
In reply to Re: Gosh, thanks everyone for the support!... » Colleen D., posted by antigua on October 12, 2004, at 17:31:31
We are in Michigan amd I have two close friends who recently went though this and both of them were in similar financial situations and both have children. I plan to call one of them tomorrow and she if she can help any.
I'd really like to get out of this house (it's an old farmhouse we've been remodeling since 1996) but it's worth way more, even in the condition it's in, than we paid for it. My credit was the main reason we were able to get the mortgage for it when it was being forclosed upon. My husband's dad wasn't making the payments and was going to lose the house and a business located on the property. My husband alway worked seasonally and I made the most money before I quit work to stay home with our little guy. I am absolutely stupid when it come to many of these legal kinds of things, but I'm sure I'm going to learn a lot!
Thanks again!
Colleen
> You might have to buy him out (if there is equity) if you want to stay in the house. Depends on where you are located. Are you in the U.S.? Some states have no-fault divorce and some really put you through the ringer about grounds for divorce if the other person doesn't want the divorce.
>
> I'm glad you have some IRL support with your parents close by (as long as they don't make it worse!) and remember, you have us.
> best,
> antigua
Posted by just plain jane on October 13, 2004, at 21:10:05
In reply to I just made an appt. with a divorce lawyer!, posted by Colleen D. on October 11, 2004, at 13:43:10
Hi, Colleen,
This time I'll try to refrain from my normal wisea$s ways.
I live in Michigan, have been divorced in this state more than once.
First and foremost:
You are not stupid, not even about legal stuff. You can't help what you have yet to learn.
Please try to summon up your best acting skills and courage and always, when dealing with the husband, project a smiling yet serious very self-confident demeanor, even if you are trembling in your boots.In my experience, your confidence and failure to let him or this daunting situation appear to intimidate you will put him a little off balance, perhaps even intimidating him.
I also worked for an attorney who handles divorces, a few years back. It was just her and me there, so I handled every case.
If you have been married less than ten (I believe it is still ten) years, you most likely will not have to deal with the "community property" BS. In that case, what was yours is yours. You can keep everything you have done, bought, and whatever you brought into the marriage as yours. If you can document for the court what you have put into everything, you should be able to recover the same. How much you each earned, and spent on what would be good information to have together.
You don't want to live in the house. The way you've described it, he probably has very little, if any, equity claim.
If it were my situation I believe I'd put it up for sale. If the husband wants it, he'll have to do like any other prospective buyer and make an offer. You may have to sell it for a little less than you'd like to get out of it, in the interest of time and giving yourself the cash to relocate.
If you have, indeed, been married for more than ten years, the "down the middle" community property thing will be what you have to deal with, unless he's just gonna sit there and let you write up the divorce however you want it and will sign off. (oh, to be so lucky) But you can get pretty creative in your trade-offs and as long as you and he agree on what goes to whom and all, it could be relatively painless.
Try to smile, be the polite and patient one as far as displayed behavior. Let him be the obvious a$$hole, no matter how upset you get.
Oh, yeah, and don't say anything derogatory about their father in front of or in earshot of your children, even the baby. You'd be surprised how much really does get to them.
Wishing you courage, patience, and self-restraint.
just plain jane
Posted by Colleen D. on October 14, 2004, at 9:43:32
In reply to divorce in Michigan » Colleen D., posted by just plain jane on October 13, 2004, at 21:10:05
Thanks, Jane!
My friend who is going through her 2nd divorce in Michigan has told me many of the same things as you did in your vey informative post. We've been married 9 years and my husband is much less educated than I am, so I don't see him being too much of an adversary in our case. I'd like to see him get the section of the property that he originally had deeded to him from his family when our relationship started, so we'd have to divide the property and then put the section that the house is on up for sale. I am totally not sentimentally attached to this place at all, even though we've put a lot of sweat and tears (mine, mostly) into it. We got the property and house for a song so I know we can make money if we sell it even with the outstanding balance on the mortgage and neither one of us will be left in dire straits. I assume I'll be the custodial parent becuase of my husband's substance abuse history, and my son's SSI monies will help me out tremedously getting a new start!
Thanks so much again for taking the time to respond in such detail!
Colleen
Posted by just plain jane on October 14, 2004, at 23:02:16
In reply to Re: divorce in Michigan » just plain jane, posted by Colleen D. on October 14, 2004, at 9:43:32
This is the end of the thread.
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