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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tinydancer on October 3, 2004, at 10:13:38
I am so long lost in this sister crap that I can't see up from down anymore. I fear this post may be long but I hope someone can help me see this situation from a better perspective.
My sister is soon to be 21, which makes her 7 years younger than me. We had a very turbulent upbringing (gee, guess who caused most of the turbulence?) and my sister has lived through a lot of chaos in regards to me. (Running away, getting arrested, going to jail, going to rehab and so on.)
It took many many years before we could really communicate in a normal way and trust each other at all. Once we do get together, we have a great time and laugh and I feel so much love towards her.
We live in different countries, so obviously we don't see each other too much. She leads an extremely busy life as a music major at university, manages her boyfriend's band, is in a sorority and teaches and has a job on the side. Typical overachiever...(LOL)
A few weeks back I had kind of a breakdown. My parents said that they needed me to stop telling them about my problems. They couldn't cope anymore and needed space. Needless to say for my psychotic, splitting self this was truly devestating. It felt unforgivable at the time. Then when I went to my sister, I guess she felt overwhelmed by what I told her and just hung up on me saying she couldn't deal with this. We haven't talked for awhile, but finally she wrote me an email saying she needed time and space to absorb "this". She said she just wants me to be happy, ect but it was hard for her to know what to do.
I think I understand and I want to forgive her, but I'm just so hurt by the abandonment from her and my parents. It's like when I needed them most they dumped me. Any thoughts or advice?
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 4, 2004, at 10:12:05
In reply to Crap. Sister dynamics. And oh are they dynamic..., posted by tinydancer on October 3, 2004, at 10:13:38
I too have a ton of sister stuff. I too had a difficult childhood.
So you have my empathy.
This sounds hard to have experienced especially since you were feeling down.So my question is:
what kind of feed back do you want from this post? empathy...you've got it. suggestions....EMDR. My stories?
How are you doing right now?
Posted by partlycloudy on October 4, 2004, at 11:18:41
In reply to Crap. Sister dynamics. And oh are they dynamic..., posted by tinydancer on October 3, 2004, at 10:13:38
I found when I reached out to my sister for support and advice (she has suffered from depression for many years), what I got in return was a very judgemental brush off. It hurt and surprised me, and my sister herself said that she has "different life experiences" from mine and so can't truly understand what I am going through.
My entire family is poor at communicating, and baffled by mental illness. Like Jai, I have benefited enormously from EMDR therapy, and I also wanted you to know that my therapist did warn me long ago that I might not find my family to be supportive. They don't understand, they are afraid, they feel guilt, there are a multitude of reasons why they aren't able to give us the help we need. That's why therapists can help, and places like Babble. Even spouses and partners have a hard time facing or accepting what we go through. I have force fed my husband with information because at times I've felt he has made light of my feelings.
By now he has seen me in action enough times to appreciate how sick I am.
pc
Posted by antigua on October 5, 2004, at 10:04:33
In reply to Crap. Sister dynamics. And oh are they dynamic..., posted by tinydancer on October 3, 2004, at 10:13:38
I have one sister. She has hated me for my entire life. I spent decades trying to figure out what I had done to her to make her hate me so much. I've finally accepted that it was the simple fact that I was born (even though she got to name me!) that irritates her. I think she believes I took her place.
Today, I am the stable one (hard to believe, isn't it?) and she is seriously mentally ill. I don't even know where she is anymore.
It's sad. I would have loved to have had a real sister.
antigua
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 5, 2004, at 11:02:40
In reply to Want to trade sisters?, posted by antigua on October 5, 2004, at 10:04:33
I have numerous sisters.
Some I am closer to.
I finally enjoy them all.
I like having positive connections with them.
My life was/is enhanced by having all these women around.
I'll lend you one of mine.
take care
Jai : )
Posted by partlycloudy on October 5, 2004, at 12:47:05
In reply to Re: Want to trade sisters?, posted by Jai Narayan on October 5, 2004, at 11:02:40
I want one too.
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 5, 2004, at 17:13:40
In reply to Re: Want to trade sisters? » Jai Narayan, posted by partlycloudy on October 5, 2004, at 12:47:05
PC,
that's too cute.
You got a big laugh out of me.
I am touched as well.
Gosh which one would you like?I would love to share my sisters:
#1 sister is the leader, she has a sense of humor and tells great stories, she has a tremendous amount of empathy and she's intelligent. She loves movies stars. She has pretty blue eyes and blonde hair. I love her smile. She is very wise.
#2 sister is wicked funny, she has great little voices she makes and gets us all laughing till be cry. she has blonde curly hair. Blue eyes and a great smile. did I mention how funny she is?
#3 sister is brilliant, witty and can be wild. She has slanted green eyes and high cheek bones. she has auburn hair. She is tall and elegant.
#4 is me, I am lovable and sweet, I am sincere and kind. tons of empathy and an ironic sense of humor. I have blue eyes and reddish brown hair. I am the shortest in the family
#5 sister is a witty, deep, blue eyes and red hair. She is into dreams. She is fiery and full of energy. She has lots of interesting ideas and willing to share.“Pick me, pick me, pick me.....over here....”
sorry I couldn’t resist that a line from Shrek.
these sisters can be taken out of the sister library.
Of course you need to have a sister library card.
I do hope you will enjoy one of these wonderful people.
Jai
Posted by partlycloudy on October 5, 2004, at 17:25:12
In reply to I would love to share my sisters, posted by Jai Narayan on October 5, 2004, at 17:13:40
...how about adopting me? They all sound lovely!
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 5, 2004, at 18:55:36
In reply to Have I got a deal for you! » Jai Narayan, posted by partlycloudy on October 5, 2004, at 17:25:12
Posted by octopusprime on October 5, 2004, at 22:23:26
In reply to I would love to share my sisters, posted by Jai Narayan on October 5, 2004, at 17:13:40
for those of you that need a sister you can also borrow mine, she is pretty cool
sister #1 (me): the leader and the firebrand, a poet, musician, artist, writer, and dreamer. always full of wild ideas. good cook.
sister #2 (her): loves kids. she's a great dancer. a good listener. rock stable. big heart. likes to keep a clean house.
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 6, 2004, at 13:43:07
In reply to sister sharing » Jai Narayan, posted by octopusprime on October 5, 2004, at 22:23:26
> for those of you that need a sister you can also borrow mine, she is pretty cool
>
> sister #1 (me): the leader and the firebrand, a poet, musician, artist, writer, and dreamer. always full of wild ideas. good cook.
>
> sister #2 (her): loves kids. she's a great dancer. a good listener. rock stable. big heart. likes to keep a clean house.**maybe we could trade off once in a while. Yours sound wonderful!
Posted by just plain jane on October 6, 2004, at 23:06:21
In reply to Crap. Sister dynamics. And oh are they dynamic..., posted by tinydancer on October 3, 2004, at 10:13:38
I have three.
#1 was the "reason" my mother finally agreed to marry my father: she got pregnant by him while engaged to another, who was at war in Germany.
That distinction resulted in mother taking out her misery on #1 for a long time.#2 was wanted, planned. She was to be the sibling for her older sister. Of course, since she was planned, she was special.
#3 was also a planned, desired child. She, too, holds the "special" attention of our parents
after 4 years of turmoil and hatred since their #3 daughter, the mother filed for divorce. It was then that:
#4, I, was conceived. This put an end to the divorce proceedings. It did not, however, prevent my parents from asking friends if they might like to adopt me.
It seems there had been hope this should be a boy. #4 let everyone down being born female. All the standard baby stuff of the day had been accumulated... in blue. A boy's name had been agreed upon, a girl's name not even considered. My sisters, #1, 2, & 3, had been told they could stay home from school on the day when their baby brother was born. But when I came... they decided to go to school anyway, and gripe to their friends that their mom had a girl.
My sisters got to take care of me. AKA torment me. Being an empathetic, hyperanalytical, communicator with "genius" IQ in a household of smart but shallow self-centered people made life difficult.
My sisters, and mother, made sure I knew how ugly, unwanted, stupid, and responsible for anything and everything that went wrong I was.
I'd gladly pay airfare for anyone who wants one of these prizes. They have fermented with age, of course, not mellowed.
The "baby"
just plain
Posted by saw on October 7, 2004, at 2:23:29
In reply to Crap Sisters mine are. » tinydancer, posted by just plain jane on October 6, 2004, at 23:06:21
(((just plain jane))) I'll be your sister if you let me.
Sabrina
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 7, 2004, at 14:50:26
In reply to Crap Sisters mine are. » tinydancer, posted by just plain jane on October 6, 2004, at 23:06:21
wow what an interesting take on this.
so in light of our wonderful JPJ
I write:
#1 was hated by mom because she made my mom look ugly (being PG was ugly in my mothers eyes) my mother was angry at her all the time until my sister was diagnosed with BP. When my sister attempted suicide then my mother loved her. My dad just sat on the side lines.
#2 my mothers favorite and could do no wrong. My dad had conflicts with her. My mother made #2 her ally and against dad and sis #1
#3 her birth was so difficult that both mom and #3 almost died. Dad was irritated no boys had appeared yet.
#4 me....mom was terrified to have another child. she blamed me for every hard thing in her life. I tried to commit suicide but failed. I wanted to live. So she rode me all my life. I could do no right. Dad sat by and watched
#5 planned and loved in a special way by mom. She was the baby (as my mother was in her family) and she was really special....I was green with envy. Dad had a hard time with her.Mom played her favorites against the cast outs and Dad was in charge of us runts of the litter.
All the daughters attempted suicide. Everyone of us!
It has taken me 56 years to get a handle on this and have my own life.
There is hope.
I offer it.
I am the EMDR poster child.
Thank you for unearthing this bit of illumination.
JPJ
I feel like I know you...
Your sister for real
Jai
Posted by alesta on October 7, 2004, at 17:43:15
In reply to Re: Crap Sisters mine are., posted by Jai Narayan on October 7, 2004, at 14:50:26
hi, jai, :)
i've enjoyed reading all you guys' posts about having sisters. i don't have any myself. this may be a silly question, but what does PG mean??
i'm glad you've survived your family dynamics and come out the other side. it must have been tough being in your position and being replaced as the baby of the family. but you're a real sweet lady anyway! :-)
take care,
amy
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 7, 2004, at 17:52:24
In reply to Re: Crap Sisters mine are. » Jai Narayan, posted by alesta on October 7, 2004, at 17:43:15
Posted by alesta on October 7, 2004, at 18:49:29
In reply to Re: Crap Sisters mine are., posted by Jai Narayan on October 7, 2004, at 14:50:26
> #1 was hated by mom because she made my mom look ugly (being PG was ugly in my mothers eyes) my mother was angry at her all the time until my sister was diagnosed with BP. When my sister attempted suicide then my mother loved her.that is strange! i don't understand why your mom would think her daughter's pregnancy makes her look ugly. hmmm..oh well...;)
Posted by just plain jane on October 7, 2004, at 20:35:48
In reply to Crap Sisters mine are. » tinydancer, posted by just plain jane on October 6, 2004, at 23:06:21
(((Sabrina, Jai)))
Thank you for sharing your sisterly love with me. I am now delighted to have sisters!((Lynne)), you are such a great sister, my first.
((Ron)), you can be my sister, too, if you'd like.
Sigh...
jane jane jane jane jane.
Posted by Jai Narayan on October 8, 2004, at 8:41:28
In reply to Re: Crap Sisters mine are. » Jai Narayan, posted by alesta on October 7, 2004, at 18:49:29
>
> > #1 was hated by mom because she made my mom look ugly (being PG was ugly in my mothers eyes) my mother was angry at her all the time until my sister was diagnosed with BP. When my sister attempted suicide then my mother loved her.
>
> that is strange! i don't understand why your mom would think her daughter's pregnancy makes her look ugly. hmmm..oh well...;)
My mom was angry when she became pregnant with my sister #1 because she thought pregnancy her (my mom) looked ugly....she wasn't ready to have children..as if she ever was?
thanks for asking me to explain....it sounded mixed up the other way.
Posted by alesta on October 8, 2004, at 8:56:08
In reply to this is when I need an editor, posted by Jai Narayan on October 8, 2004, at 8:41:28
Posted by antigua on October 9, 2004, at 13:13:20
In reply to sister sharing » Jai Narayan, posted by octopusprime on October 5, 2004, at 22:23:26
I would pick you as my new sister--hope you don't mind. You sound like me in many ways (cooking, artist)but appear to have more confidence than me!
thanks,
antigua
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