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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 17, 2004, at 17:56:07
Hi, everyone,
I think this is an important topic, so let's give this a try!
Bob
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 18, 2004, at 10:37:20
In reply to Welcome!, posted by Dr. Bob on September 17, 2004, at 17:56:07
wow, this site sounds excellent. Is there where we hash out relationship difficulties?
Posted by westin on September 18, 2004, at 11:08:54
In reply to Welcome!, posted by Dr. Bob on September 17, 2004, at 17:56:07
Hi i guess i am the one to start things off on this board and like Dr Bob i believe that interpersonal relationships,being discussed, are important for all people both those that have been truamatised and their partners.
3 yrs ago i met a kind,compassionate,intelligent caring woman who had been terribly hurt both as a child and then as an adult.
We felt we had known each other forever when we first met and our relationship blossomed and she began to trust me.Subsequently she opened up to me and told me about the abuse she had suffered.Initially i could cope with the information but then the dam burst and one day i woke up in such a rage at the people who had hurt her.I sought advice and calmed down but the anger i had felt scared me.I tried not to allow the anger to affect us and to a greater degree i succeeded.However i knew that i could no longer cope alone.W being the intelligent person she is realised this and withdrew from talking to me.The problem then arose that she believed she would have to deal with things herself and when she did this she did not take her effexor.
Then the DID returned and i found myself trying to keep her alive by talking to the different parts of her personality that was dominant at that time.We did continue to make progress and were happy most of the time(when w was on the effexor).W has tried to talk to councellors and psychologists but does not maintain contact for long.
The problem which has arose in the past few weeks is that w has been so angry all the time.Is making unfounded accusations to me and appears to hate me.She has also been violent;after ensuring it was not going to be returned.
From being supportive of each other in the last few weeks we have been anything but.I feel i am being torn to shreds:One day w can't live without me and loves me the next she is trying to"destroy" me,like i destoyed "her".I believe that the DID has returned and she is afraid to talk to me about it.
I do know that the relationship is foundering and i don't know why.If anyone can help me to understand what is going on i would be very grateful as i love her dearly but she is making me resent her.
Westin
Posted by 64bowtie on September 18, 2004, at 11:12:37
In reply to Welcome!, posted by Dr. Bob on September 17, 2004, at 17:56:07
This date and time seems to be fine here at relationships....!
Rod
Posted by ron1953 on September 18, 2004, at 12:50:51
In reply to Re: Welcome! (nm), posted by ron1953 on September 18, 2004, at 12:41:31
I think this will be an interesting board. Relationships are so often difficult, especially "romantic" ones. I look forward to sharing stories and learning more about people in order to enhance my social life. Having lived with depression most of my life (one of the factors that led to my recent divorce), I'm particularly interested in relationships where mental health issues are a part.
Posted by annesand on September 22, 2004, at 15:54:01
In reply to Re: Welcome!, posted by ron1953 on September 18, 2004, at 12:50:51
I'm 42 and still can't think clearly about romantic relationships, depressed or not. I don't know how people decide they are right or wrong for each other. How do you know what kinds of incompatibilities you can work with, and which ones you need to just walk away from? Isn't there a definitive list I could check somewhere? My habit is to get in too deep way too fast, and say I love you, and decide the kinks are worth working out, and by then I have no objectivity and I'm lost...
Posted by JimP on September 23, 2004, at 10:54:51
In reply to Re: Welcome!, posted by annesand on September 22, 2004, at 15:54:01
My wife and I have shared a deep and contant love for over one-quarter of a century.The main problem facing me in my relationship with Anne is the burden that I place on her because of my manic-depression. My memory seems to be degenerating as does my sense of direction. The time will come when I'll have to weigh the sorrows that my illness will bring her against the grief that she would feel living without me. It is hard to think about these things, but it will be even harder as my condition degenerates. I would like to talk to others who are in the same situation.
The subject is: choosing the right time to end a relationship. If this subject matter cotntrevenes you editorial policies I will understand.
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 23, 2004, at 14:04:52
In reply to Re: Welcome!, posted by JimP on September 23, 2004, at 10:54:51
welcome JimP
My gut reaction: you don't have to do anything.
If she wants out she will let you know.
Maybe she won't want out....
maybe she will want to be with you through thick and thin.My father was faithful and loving to my manic depressive mother till he died. She tried to leave him many a manic moment. But he was steadfast and loyal.
So sit back and enjoy your relationship.
Our love to one another is a gift.I treasure my partner of 17 years.
Life is full a challenges and lessons.
He is a wonderful teacher for me, gentle and kind.
I like my lessons with a lot of love.so there's my input.
please keep posting.
we are a great group.
Posted by Toph on September 23, 2004, at 15:08:40
In reply to Re: Welcome!, posted by JimP on September 23, 2004, at 10:54:51
> ...because of my manic-depression. My memory seems to be degenerating as does my sense of direction...
>
Jim, your post sure gave me a shudder. I, too, am bipolar, having been successfully treated on Lithium for 23 years. For about 5 years my memory has seemed to be deteriorating - I forget little things and generally seem scatterbrained. I also have motivational problems (although I'm not sure if this is what you meant by *loss of direction*). It's ironic that I work with people with dementing illnesses. My pdoc thinks these symptoms are psychological, but my wife, a higher authority, has often suggested that I have cognitive testing. What do you mean that your condition is deteriorating? Do you still have dramatic mood swings or are you talking about your life in general? Since your post was on the relationship board, I will say that when I fall short as a loving companion it is often difficult to discern between the complications of my illness and shortcomings of my personality. Anyway, I'd love to talk with you Jim, perhaps in a less public forum.
Posted by JimP on September 28, 2004, at 7:34:40
In reply to Re: Welcome!, posted by Jai Narayan on September 23, 2004, at 14:04:52
Thank you Jai Narayan. Your knowledge is rare and very useful.
Posted by Lonely on September 30, 2004, at 1:47:37
In reply to Re: Welcome!, posted by JimP on September 28, 2004, at 7:34:40
My husband of 32 years was just diagnosed as bipolar II with vascular dementia. We have no children but I do have health problems which have affected my career.
I've really suspected the bipolar for a couple years or more and definitely knew there was dementia from his stroke.
I find it interesting that other BPs on the board mention memory issues in association w/BP. That's new to me. I'd like to hear more.
I'm not terribly happy in this marriage; he has done really terrible things to me and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep from going off the deep end myself! He'll start his BP medicine this week-end. So far he's just been on antidepressants and I think they've caused rapid cycling. One of his outstanding "features" is flare, intense anger over everything and anything or just hearing my voice. One of the other problems I've run into is that the 4 or 5 therapists (LMSW and one psychologist) he's seen plus the same number of psychiatrists never really diagnosed him. They just seemed to pussy-foot around.
This week I went with him to the new psychiatrist and filled her in (she had all the personality of Stalin's daughter or a Nazi Storm Trooper) on the stuff he left out. Again, I was torn as I've been told he should handle his medical stuff himself yet others tell me I should handle it too. She didn't give me much chance to ask questions and was virtually in my face when I dared to disagree with her on something. Fortunately, I'm able to view the incident with a teensie bit of humor now - that's the reason for the titles I just gave her above!
I just read a really interesting article online about bipolarism and multiple sclerosis. It seems that people with MS have a high rate of BP. Two years ago, after his apparent stroke, it looked like my husband had MS because the leisions were in the corpus callosum. We've never found out for sure. The neurologist was good at cracking jokes, telling him to lose weight, yelling at me to lose weight, pushing pills and going out the door. We'll go to a new neurologist in Oct.
I'd like to hear more about BP and family members and how they deal with it. And, thanks for letting me spill my tummy!
Posted by JimP on October 2, 2004, at 13:03:14
In reply to Re: Welcome! » JimP, posted by Toph on September 23, 2004, at 15:08:40
Troph,
My previous reply to your posting was directed to you personally because I had the impression that that was what you wanted. So you received my repy in your personal E-Mail. I hve received your response in my private Mail and will reply to it there. I would be happy to post our correspondence here if you prfer that.
Sincerely
JimP
Posted by JimP on October 2, 2004, at 13:23:51
In reply to Re: Welcome!, posted by Lonely on September 30, 2004, at 1:47:37
Lonely,
If Your husbands' mood stabilizing medication is effective then he should loose the violent reactions within a month. As his mood cycles decrease his memory should improve. This has happened to me. For ten years I was pretty well normal thanks to Lithium and Prozac. I hope that this happens for your husband.
My concern is that too much emphasis is placed on Mania because so many manic husbands kill thier wives. I do things to avoid this. For example I pick fights with strangers to channel anger away from my wife. This is easy to do and effective. Engaging in dangerous sports that terrify you and leave you phisically drained also helps to ensure a healthy home relationship.
Perhaps you could suggest these things to your Spouse. I do hope that he can find a way to avoid making your life a living hell.
Sincerely,
JimP
Posted by Squiggles on October 4, 2004, at 8:16:32
In reply to Welcome!, posted by Dr. Bob on September 17, 2004, at 17:56:07
Thank you for this idea. I am a
private person, so i would only
speak about details of personal matters with
my dr.In general, i wonder if anyone has
problems with people not believing your
dr.'s diagnosis? It can be stressful
when you take meds and struggle to cope with
an "illness" with no support and mistrust.More importantly, it is embarrassing. Any
suggestions on how to deal with such a problem?
ThanksSquiggles
This is the end of the thread.
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