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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by annesand on September 22, 2004, at 16:03:34
Sorry, I posted this before in response to the Welcome, but it's really a new thread.
I'm 42 and still can't think clearly about romantic relationships, depressed or not. I don't know how people decide they are right or wrong for each other. How do you know what kinds of incompatibilities you can work with, and which ones you need to just walk away from? Isn't there a definitive list I could check somewhere? My habit is to get in too deep too fast, and say I love you right away, and decide the kinks are worth working out, and by then I have no objectivity and I'm lost...
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 22, 2004, at 21:24:33
In reply to how to choose a partner, posted by annesand on September 22, 2004, at 16:03:34
Join the crowd.
I too am ready to love people and open up way too fast.
I was just wondering about that very fact.
I guess it's only a problem if the person you are with is slower or gets scared and needs to take space or time away.
Then they go away. I lucked out and got on the fast track with a man who I am sharing my life with.
We've been together for 17years.
I guess the point is be yourself.
You just might find someone that's just right for you.
Posted by annesand on September 23, 2004, at 8:21:41
In reply to Re: how to choose a partner, posted by Jai Narayan on September 22, 2004, at 21:24:33
Thanks. How did you know you weren't overlooking big problems? I've done that too many times.
Posted by AuntieMel on September 23, 2004, at 12:12:01
In reply to Re: how to choose a partner, posted by annesand on September 23, 2004, at 8:21:41
Ask yourself - "if I didn't have the hots for this person, would I consider him as best friend material"
If this is true, the problems can be worked out.
Of course the catch-22 is that to determine that you need to actually know the person a little while....
Posted by annesand on September 23, 2004, at 12:25:36
In reply to Re: how to choose a partner » annesand, posted by AuntieMel on September 23, 2004, at 12:12:01
Wow, what a simple and wise test! How come my therapist couldn't make it that easy? Thanks!
Posted by just plain jane on September 23, 2004, at 18:05:06
In reply to Re: how to choose a partner, posted by annesand on September 23, 2004, at 12:25:36
Ask him to:
take off his shirt for you.
turn around slowly
smile
sing the Star Spangled Banner (or Oh Canada?)
draw a cube
change your oil
clean the toilet
have an intelligent conversation with each one of your children
sit down and be completely quiet for ten minutes (nothing to read or play with)
hand him the book you're reading and have him read the next chapter aloud for you
bake something from a recipe (not boxed)
play a board game you can whip him at, repeatedly
massage your (clean) feet
watch his face while you ask him if he'd have a hard time doing everything to care for a wheelchair bound loved one.
lie on the floor with your dog/cat/gerbil/petyou can assess his reactions to:
go without makeup for a week or two (I go without all the time)
rearrange his (or your) furniture
your description of your psychological difficulties
all of the requests you made of him (like those in the list above)
the way you cook
the way you clean
the way you anythingIf any of these things, or similar situations you orchestrate to gauge his responses, hits a bad note with you, chances are it's just the tip of the crappy relationship iceberg.
Just my opinion.
jpj
Posted by ron1953 on September 24, 2004, at 7:14:01
In reply to how to choose a partner, posted by just plain jane on September 23, 2004, at 18:05:06
Your post reminded me of a joke.
A woman walks into a butcher shop and picks up a chicken. She sniff under one wing, then the other. She sniffs under one leg, then the other. The butcher looks at her and asks, "Lady, could you pass such a test?"
Posted by annesand on September 24, 2004, at 7:21:31
In reply to how to choose a partner, posted by just plain jane on September 23, 2004, at 18:05:06
Ooh, these are good. I'm so glad I posted the question! Thanks! Anne
This is the end of the thread.
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