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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Toph on November 14, 2013, at 15:31:08
After almost 35 years of social work in child protection and adult protective services I will be retiring December 27. Oddly this event has stirred a range of emotions from relief to nagging anxiety. I feel only some loss that comes when one loses the identity of a profession. Mostly I am hounded by unrealistic perfectionist thoughts that I could have done more, worked harder, or used better judgement in the thousands of cases I was assigned. My psychiatrist who I see every 6 weeks to monitor my lithium says in his analytic way that these self-judgements stem from both real and imagined expectations in my childhood. He uncharcteristicly shook my hand in a congratulatory fashion as I left last night which caught me off guard. He has listened with interest to countless scenarios, challenges and stress I have endured all these years. Maybe he feels some loss as well.
Posted by gadchik on November 14, 2013, at 17:37:02
In reply to Life transitions, posted by Toph on November 14, 2013, at 15:31:08
Hello, I know a change of that magnitude will challenge one. Seeing a child off to college, also brings similar angst to me. Was I a great parent or just ok? I like the way u write, any plans for a grand novel?
Posted by Partlycloudy on November 14, 2013, at 18:48:40
In reply to Life transitions, posted by Toph on November 14, 2013, at 15:31:08
Hi, Toph.
My ex-husband had a difficult time with his work transition. Mostly because he was laid off after 26 years. I could plainly see how much of his identity he'd attributed to the years he devoted to his position.
He didn't really start healing until he did a 180 degree turn in the type of work he did (he was offered early retirement, but it would not have been enough in his later years). So he went from a managerial, high pressure job to being a wood worker, something he hadn't done since college. He was a lot happier, but he really shed all that he'd accrued in those many years. Friends. A home. A wife. He reinvented himself.I am glad your psychiatrist shook your hand. I think he was happy for you and a little jealous.
I hope this leads to a good transition for you. I would suggest keeping the wife and home.
PC
Posted by Toph on November 15, 2013, at 8:49:20
In reply to Life transitions, posted by Toph on November 14, 2013, at 15:31:08
Thanks gadchick, I wish I felt like I had something profound to tell the world. After retirement my father wrote a few vanity books about finance, fly fishing and his life. It's fun for family members to read.
PC, if I were to reinvent myself I'd want to be less self-conscious, more considerate of those I care about, more disciplined and more active. Its all that Ego Integrity stage business that Erikson talked about. My wife just wants me to be busy so that she doesn't find me on the couch in my underwear when she gets home from work. Reasonable request, I suppose. I first thought of driving a school bus, but was informed this would be more stress than social work. I'm leaning towards tutoring disadvantaged kids or Habitat for Humanity, stuff like that. For now, I'm just trying to get to the finish line.
Posted by Dinah on November 15, 2013, at 10:06:15
In reply to Re: Life transitions, posted by Toph on November 15, 2013, at 8:49:20
> I'm leaning towards tutoring disadvantaged kids or Habitat for Humanity, stuff like that. For now, I'm just trying to get to the finish line.
That's great, Toph!! It sounds as if you have a plan to deal with the transition and a good one at that.
I'd enjoy having a chance to putter around the house. There are so many half finished and unstarted things that need to be done around here. I can't imagine ever being bored at home. But that's me and my needs. It sounds as if you'll be able to meet your needs in other ways.
Congratulations on a job well done.
And felicitations on a an avocation beginning.
Posted by gadchik on November 15, 2013, at 15:23:50
In reply to Re: Life transitions, posted by Toph on November 15, 2013, at 8:49:20
"But I was also living a life beyond my imagination, and no hardship was bigger than the satisfaction of finding the courage to live it...And with change, there is grief for what has been lost, but also opportunity- and the choice of how to see it. Choose wonderful."-Suzanne McMinn
Posted by alexandra_k on November 15, 2013, at 16:27:08
In reply to Re: Life transitions, posted by Toph on November 15, 2013, at 8:49:20
you can't change things from the past... but you can still work towards being the person you want to be...
> if I were to reinvent myself I'd want to be less self-conscious, more considerate of those I care about, more disciplined and more active.
what do you mean by 'more disciplined'. i think i need some of that...
Posted by Toph on November 15, 2013, at 16:52:21
In reply to Re: Life transitions, posted by alexandra_k on November 15, 2013, at 16:27:08
I was thinking about plans and intentions Alex. I get distracted easily and my memory doesn't seem as sharp as it used to be. For example, it took me a week to paint the nursery for the new grandson, something I could have done in a day. Sometimes I think I have ADD along with my BP.
Posted by Poet on November 15, 2013, at 18:06:47
In reply to Life transitions, posted by Toph on November 14, 2013, at 15:31:08
Hi Toph,
I totally understand being hounded by unrealistic perfectionist thoughts. Though in my situation it's for what can I do more to get a job. The fact that you worked in one field for 35 years is amazing to me, all I can say is wow.
I think volunteering would be good. Though there's nothing wrong with your wife coming home and finding you on the couch in your underwear, you deserve some me time. Though my husband finds it annoying when he comes home and I'm in my pajamas at 2 p.m.
Poet
Posted by Toph on November 15, 2013, at 18:44:34
In reply to Re: Life transitions » Toph, posted by Poet on November 15, 2013, at 18:06:47
It's flattering that you guys noticed/identified with my post. Maybe I will spend some more time here and on social which will help me avoid the trappings of admin.
Posted by Poet on November 16, 2013, at 13:35:11
In reply to Re: Life transitions » Poet, posted by Toph on November 15, 2013, at 18:44:34
Posted by alexandra_k on November 23, 2013, at 20:56:34
In reply to Re: Life transitions » Poet, posted by Toph on November 15, 2013, at 18:44:34
> It's flattering that you guys noticed/identified with my post. Maybe I will spend some more time here and on social which will help me avoid the trappings of admin.
Will be nice to have you around
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