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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lola2 on April 24, 2011, at 21:59:19
lately i keep feeling a lot of anger towards my t. i like him, i think he is a good t. of course there are things that annoy me about him but overall no complaints, until recently. i am now finding things to annoy me with everything about him, its like i want a fight. what is going on? i want to quit therapy, but i also know i shouldn't. ive told him that im angry and he doesnt really seem to think its a problem, we discuss whats bothering me and then we go on to other things, and i know that i should let it go becuase we are resolving it somewhat when we talk about it, but i keep holding on to this anger. anyone know whyi would be doing this? its becoming very unhelpful and causing my therapy to be a bit of a time waste.
Posted by wittgensteinz on April 25, 2011, at 12:17:25
In reply to perplexed, posted by lola2 on April 24, 2011, at 21:59:19
Lola,
It doesn't sound pleasant but I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing (I guess it depends a bit on the type of therapy you are doing with him).
Strong feelings of love and hate (and rage) come up in therapy - they're not 'wrong', they just are.
I guess the question is how to get to the bottom of it - why are you mad at him? Is it negative transference (are you transferring negative feelings from another earlier relationship onto your relationship with him? - that's not easy to answer) or is it more straightforward - is he just doing something wrong, that is upsetting you in some way? (From what you wrote, it sounds more like transference.)
My therapist once said to me that anger is really an expression of sadness. Could it be that you feel disappointment, shame or guilt either toward him or as a reaction to the process but that these 'raw feelings' are too overwhelming and therefore being camouflaged as anger (perhaps an emotion easier to deal with)?
My feeling is that you shouldn't quit but keep going further into that anger (as much as you can tolerate). It sounds like he can take it, which is good.
Witti
Posted by pegasus on April 25, 2011, at 12:47:00
In reply to Re: perplexed » lola2, posted by wittgensteinz on April 25, 2011, at 12:17:25
I used to have this issue big time with a previous therapist. In the end, I think I was angry that he couldn't protect me better from the pain of therapy. So, there was an element of transference. In that I also wish someone had been able to protect me from all of crap in in my earlier life, or at least see what I was going through and give me some guidance so I could protect myself. At the time it was too late for my T to do the former, and he was trying mightily to do the latter. Yet, I often felt it wasn't enough.
Also, there was an element of resistance. I was mad at the universe because I had to experience this pain to get better. It wasn't fair! So, I didn't want to do it.
But in the end, I had to face that life is unfair, and other people can't usually do everything we'd want them to do. I'm better now at finding what there is for me to do in the situation, and focusing on that.
Sorry this is all about me. I'm hoping maybe there is something of interest for your situation in all of this, as well.
- P
Posted by lola2 on April 26, 2011, at 5:27:42
In reply to Re: perplexed » lola2, posted by wittgensteinz on April 25, 2011, at 12:17:25
> I guess the question is how to get to the bottom of it - why are you mad at him? Is it negative transference (are you transferring negative feelings from another earlier relationship onto your relationship with him? - that's not easy to answer) or is it more straightforward - is he just doing something wrong, that is upsetting you in some way? (From what you wrote, it sounds more like transference.)
this is where i am confused. he has done some things that have made me angry but when we discuss it i feel like he is implying that i shouldn't be. he isnt saying that but thats what im taking. maybe it is a combination of both>
> My therapist once said to me that anger is really an expression of sadness. Could it be that you feel disappointment, shame or guilt either toward him or as a reaction to the process but that these 'raw feelings' are too overwhelming and therefore being camouflaged as anger (perhaps an emotion easier to deal with)?maybe, yes. it could be im angry i have to feel all this pain.
>
> My feeling is that you shouldn't quit but keep going further into that anger (as much as you can tolerate). It sounds like he can take it, which is good.
>
> Wittithanks witti, i think you are right, i hope i stick it out.
Posted by lola2 on April 26, 2011, at 5:31:49
In reply to Re: perplexed, posted by pegasus on April 25, 2011, at 12:47:00
> In that I also wish someone had been able to protect me from all of crap in in my earlier life, or at least see what I was going through and give me some guidance so I could protect myself.
This is significant to me, i relate to this. i wish so much someone had been there>At the time it was too late for my T to do the former, and he was trying mightily to do the latter. Yet, I often felt it wasn't enough.
i get that.
thanks pegasus
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