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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2Chica on March 10, 2011, at 11:21:36
So after a long time in therapy there are things that i now know, and best of all they are no longer hiding in the back of my mind. mysteriously. And now i think ive gained the strength to say them outloud. So here goes.
Most of you may not want to read this all the way through but i really really really need to 'say it'.
THE THINGS I"VE LEARNED IN THERPY
1)i have a history of sexual, physically and emotional abuse.2)my brother and neighbor boy raped and sexually tortured me starting when i was 5 or 6 until i was about 11 or 12.
3)i was sexually assaulted once when i was 14 and a few times when i was 15. (non penetrating types)
4)i was raped when i was 16, and again by same guy two weeks later, (oral rape).
5)Ive lost two friends and one coworker from suicide. and lost one work best friend from accident (sudden and devastating).
6)Was in an abusive relationship starting when i was 16 and ended when i was 19. mostly emotionally and major verbal, and at end became physical.
7)Also my mother is an undiagnosed borderline Personality disorder and strongly histrionic.
Saw no separation between me and her. She was mostly very emotionally abusive, and verbal. and some abuse that falls under the sexual genre. ...i am very Angry with her.8)Have been diagnosed with various mental illness, some changed some stayed: MDD, bipolar, psychotic depression(current), ADD(current), OCD, borderlinePD(self-injurer), PTSD(current), schizoaffective, and DID. and very suicidal at times.
9)Have been on MANY MANY medications.
Hoping i found a good combo, one that will last.10)about my DID(nos?) not really sure of exact wording. as i dont have fugue states really. mostly fogginess. right after it happens i remember most but not all, then the more minutes that pass buy the more i forget. T says ego states (co-consciousness) i think worded.
have crying, sad and sometimes sassy littleone and angry teen (sometimes flirty or oversexual)
************************
So for all of you that made it this far. thank you and i am done.i cant believe i just wrote out my whole life problems in big chunks.
written out it seems like more. cuz to me they are so intermixed. so maybe getting it all out seperately is what my mind needed to do to heal.
Either way. i am very glad i am now able to say these things. 'out loud' per se.You folks have supported me for 7 1/2 years. You have always been my fail-safe friends. my comrades. you have supported me through sad/devastating posts,
angry posts,
confused posts,
and very scared posts.i could not have asked for better comrades.
thank you all.
B2c
Posted by pegasus on March 11, 2011, at 9:44:18
In reply to Things i can now say....**TRIGGER**, posted by B2Chica on March 10, 2011, at 11:21:36
Hey B2,
I've reread your post a bunch of times since you posted it. I don't know exactly what I want to say to you about it, but I feel really strongly about connecting with you somehow around it. I guess the main thing is *thank you* for writing that. It affected me very powerfully, in ways and for reasons that I can't quite articulate at the moment.
I wish you lots of luck and success in this transition.
- P
Posted by B2Chica on March 14, 2011, at 13:52:43
In reply to Re: Things i can now say....**TRIGGER**, posted by pegasus on March 11, 2011, at 9:44:18
and thank you p.
i think the only thing harder than writing it was checking back to see posts to it!thank you and of course i can only hope something i have gone through could in any way, someway count for something, and help someone, somewhere with something...
(((HUGS)))
Posted by rskontos on March 14, 2011, at 20:41:59
In reply to Things i can now say....**TRIGGER**, posted by B2Chica on March 10, 2011, at 11:21:36
You are courageous! I admire you for this. I still can't say what I need to. I haven't my memories back yet either....
Good for you!rsk
Posted by B2Chica on March 16, 2011, at 8:12:26
In reply to Re: Things i can now say....**TRIGGER** » B2Chica, posted by rskontos on March 14, 2011, at 20:41:59
thank you kind Rk.
the one thing i've learned is i have more memories. snipits of things. and i've now learned there will always be more. and i dont need (now at this point) to share them with therapist (every last detail). Because that will be a life long thing. I need now to learn that there WILL be more and i need to learn to deal with them as they come. To NOT let them halt my life just because a new memory comes to mind.
This is Much easier said than done. But i am working hard at it.The other thing i've learned is that there will ALWAYS be help for me. The hospital outpatient was very very helpful this time around. They are my backup. My therapist will be in business for a long long time. and i can go back anytime needed.
and my Psychiatrist, whom i admire and love deals with flashbacks of war. So although different subject matter, Just as disturbing. And that is helpful for me to know, LIFE DOES GO ON. That i CAN and WIll learn to deal with things without reverting to 'alters'.Just time....just time.
b2c.
This is the end of the thread.
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