![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tetrix on July 2, 2010, at 8:16:51
I am interested to know what would anyone of you guys do if you found out that your therapist lied to you? I prefer not to be too specific about the lie but it was pretty substantial. It wasnt to protect me or to benefit me, it was really about her choosing to make something up so she doesnt have to bring it up in session.
I have been feeling deeply betrayed and unable to see her and confront her about it in person.
This has been a source of tremendous pain for me and I cant recover nor do I know how to.
Posted by Daisym on July 2, 2010, at 13:57:14
In reply to when therapist lies, posted by tetrix on July 2, 2010, at 8:16:51
I'm so sorry for your pain - I imagine I'd be fairly devastated by something like this. Two things occur to me -
1) What was the reason for the lie? If it was something that she was embarrassed about or it was very personal, like her sexual orientation, etc., I might understand the impulse to lie more readily.
2)Did she lie to "everyone" or just you? If just you, what is it about your relationship that makes her think you wouldn't handle the truth or handle, "I'm choosing not to answer that" as a response? I tend not to think of lies of omission in this same category, btw.
Your feelings of betrayal are so valid and appropriate for this situation. You are trusting this person with your most intimate thoughts and feelings and confessing deeds in a way you would never do somewhere else. And while the standard for disclosure varies among therapists, I think most would agree that a lie is very destructive to the relationship. Because most of us think, "if she lied about this, what else did she lie about?"Does she know you know she lied? I think if you are going to leave, you should at least give yourself the opportunity to say why. But I understand why that would be super hard.
Good luck with all of this.
Posted by emmanuel98 on July 2, 2010, at 21:06:49
In reply to Re: when therapist lies » tetrix, posted by Daisym on July 2, 2010, at 13:57:14
When I had been seeing my T for a few months, I asked him if I could see him twice that week and he said no. Then when I tried to make another appointment, he said he would be away the following week. I was so distraught, I ended up in the hospital and called him the following week and he picked up the phone. So he had lied to me. He wasn't away after all. The p-doc in the hospital talked to him to see if we could still work together and she told me he had been having some counter-transference issues with me, but if we could talk about them and work through them, I could keep seeing him. Months later, I got up the courage to ask him why he lied and he said he couldn't recall, but that this was a human relationship and it was possible he had lied to me. We got through it.
Posted by tetrix on July 4, 2010, at 18:05:36
In reply to Re: when therapist lies » tetrix, posted by Daisym on July 2, 2010, at 13:57:14
Thanks for your post Daisym,
Well it had nothing to do with her personal information.. I think she just didn't feel like having a discussion about it so she chose the easy way. It was aimed only at me.
I did fall back into depression and have no idea how to proceed. I think that eventually I will go back and face her but I cant imagine talking about this with her. I ma feeling like I am detaching from reality. Thank you for your compassion
Posted by tetrix on July 4, 2010, at 18:07:41
In reply to Re: when therapist lies, posted by emmanuel98 on July 2, 2010, at 21:06:49
Thanks for sharing your story Emmanual, I know how painful this must have been for you.. I don't know I could get passed what happened with me T.. I am glad you did.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.