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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by blahblahblah on September 22, 2009, at 4:56:40
hey all,
just need some support. my t is on holidays. i have been trying to deal with my upbringing and it comes in dribs and drabs. when it gets too much i load it off to my T and it makes me feel better. Now she is away and I don't know what to do with it. It is making me want to stop living. Any advice, or just support. Thanks my friends.
Posted by Dinah on September 23, 2009, at 7:26:23
In reply to T on holidays, posted by blahblahblah on September 22, 2009, at 4:56:40
How long is she gone for? Has she given you some ways of coping while she's gone?
I admit my way of coping isn't all that wonderful. I shut myself off from everything when my therapist was gone and run on autopilot. But maybe other people have found better ways.
I'm thinking in particular there may be some way to unload even when she's gone? Journaling maybe? Or having conversations with the imaginary her in your head? I do that sometimes. My therapist jokes that the imaginary him in my head is smarter than he is. :)
Posted by antigua3 on September 23, 2009, at 9:25:29
In reply to T on holidays, posted by blahblahblah on September 22, 2009, at 4:56:40
I know how tough this is. My T is currently away for three weeks and I'm just starting to feel it. Abandonment is a huge issue for me and I'm still working hard to not feel like she is abandoning me; she is simply on vacation. This time, though, I can't reach her, so I'm on my own. I do have my psychiatrist, as he reminded last night, but it's not the same. I just don't have the warm, loving relationship (mother) that I do with his stricter, more authoritative self (father).
I seem to undergo some major crisis when my T is gone, and i"m determined not to do that this time. When we were talking coping strategies before she left, my suggestion was that I write to her about things that come up. I usually resist this mode of therapy with her (although I'm a writer and do share my painful thoughts with her) and I think I'll do that this time.
I should be with her right now--i'ts my appt time and I'm trying not to think about it and work instead. But I recognize the feelings as they come up (panic, pain, abandonment) and I'm trying to let them go.
so journaling is a good idea. Also, I find something to hold onto--as simple as a rubber band--that I wear to remind me that she's always with me.
Other than that, I try to take care of myself if I feel overcome with emotions and reassure myself that she WILL come back to me. I have to trust that.
So take it as easy as you can and accept the feelings. Try not to fight them. And find a way to distract yourself, maybe doing something you enjoy doing and think about her being with you.
Good luck, and there's always Camp Comfort! It's a beautiful fall day here and I was just outside enjoying nature, which helps me a lot.
antigua
Posted by blahblahblah on September 23, 2009, at 17:53:30
In reply to Re: T on holidays, posted by antigua3 on September 23, 2009, at 9:25:29
Thanks for the support guys. Well she is gone for 2 more weeks. it has been 2 so far. she is overseas so no contact. Antigua3 i like your suggestion as keeping something on me that reminds me of her. i joked round with her before she left that it would be nice to be able to take a part of her and keep it with me always.
i have my pDoc but i don't feel the same bout her. i feel uncomfortable calling her. i dunno, it's just a different kind of r'ship.
Dinah, yeah i might try do some writing. for some reason i have been avoiding writing a lot lately, which is weird cause i am a writer. at least i can survive now a little bit better without her. if this was 6 months ago when the transference handed shifted into a more comfortable attachment i would have gone insane i think.
Posted by elizabeth31 on September 23, 2009, at 21:56:51
In reply to Re: T on holidays, posted by blahblahblah on September 23, 2009, at 17:53:30
Aww I am glad you're hanging in there and getting by...I know from my experiences when my therapist is gone those are always when big things happen to me in my life too. This is probably not going to apply to you, but I was just going to warn you from my recent mistake in therapy...while my therapist was gone I told him before I was "not going to bother him at all" while he was out of office for a weekso no emails and no long journal entries etc. I stuck to this plan and I dealt with things on my own and tried to use all the coping techniques he taught me....and long story short-it made things worse slightly as when he got back it was hard for me to transition right back into telling him about things and this opened up more issues I have with attachment/abandonment issues (as if the therapeutic relationship isnt hard enough on its own) so when I made this goal and stuck with it, I didn't realize the outcome wouldn't make me feel better. One of the reasons I found was that he doesnt care really about things in my life as I so desperately hopedI think I was hoping hed come back and notice I didnt email him all week and actually I was just doing this for his acknowledgment and thats not really what hes there to do for me. It just made me really sad. Anyways, hope your week is going well!
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