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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on March 28, 2009, at 12:07:19
I wanted to reply to what you wrote up above on my post. Thank you for reminding me that I will start fresh, with less and simple. It's something really to look forward to. More of my own space, this place is only 2 years old, so pretty new and nice enough. It will be my space.
My daughter will have her own bathroom, bedroom with a walk in closet. That will help her adjust as well. She will have her own space. She's been sharing a bathroom with her older sister, and that's worked just fine.
I'm kind of excited as you say, it's a fresh start. I look forward to that part more than you know. I want to file for divorce in May when my younger daughter turns 18.
Thanks,
LadyBug
Posted by DAisym on March 28, 2009, at 23:34:40
In reply to Daisym, posted by LadyBug on March 28, 2009, at 12:07:19
I think there is a distinct psychology to living alone. It takes some getting use to but I think it can be good for folks like us who've spent a lot of time taking care of others.
And less stuff is also kind of a psychological lesson. You figure out how much you don't need. And/or making new and different choices to create a space that is YOURS is truly amazing. I haven't had my own room and bathroom for 25 years - but I love it and can't imagine sharing again. Maybe unloading some of the baggage literally allows us to unload it figuratively.
However, creating this really safe, personal space has resulting in a bit of a dilemma. I've started seeing someone and he came to visit me. I just couldn't tolerate sharing my room with him - so he was in the guest room - and I'd "visit" him there, if you know what I mean.
I say, go slow and find things for your new space that you really love. Keep asking yourself that, no matter what is on sale or how long it takes. If you don't love it, you don't need it.
Posted by LadyBug on March 29, 2009, at 23:45:50
In reply to Re: Daisym » LadyBug, posted by DAisym on March 28, 2009, at 23:34:40
I have to chuckle about your "visit". You do what you have to do. I'm sure it feels good to take care of yourself after taking care of everyone else for so many years. I'm in the same boat. I've been a care taker, enabler, peace maker etc. for so long it's an effort to re-think my thought process. I can do this!
I will take your advice, if I don't love it, I don't need it. I wish I didn't have more than I need, but I do have some "stuff" I won't have room for. I've given my daughter some of my nice big furniture. It makes me sad in some sense. I never imagined my life going this direction.
I was given some great advice today by my religious leader. He said "As soon as you get moved and settled in, put the past behind you! Start with a fresh start and show the world how strong you are, you can be an instrument to others that are struggling. You've been through more than most will ever go through and you made it." I like the "put the past behind you". What he meant is to forget about all the cruel things my husband has done to hurt me and our family. I know I can't erase them from my mind, I don't have an eraser that big!!! I have to let go of all of it, I don't have to forget it, but I can't allow it to continue to hurt me. I can't change any of it now or ever.
I feel a sense of freshness in my life. Maybe some of my depression will lift when I have some of the burdens lifted from me. My husband has nothing more he can take from me. I have nothing but "ME" and he can't take that from me ever again. I'm glad I have my 2 daughters, I'll have them forever and they are priceless.
Going slow...........good idea. Thanks Daisym!!
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2009, at 7:51:20
In reply to Re: Daisym » DAisym, posted by LadyBug on March 29, 2009, at 23:45:50
I've always thought letting go of the hurt is one of the best gifts I can give to myself. Not forgiving necessarily, and certainly not forgetting. But accepting, acknowledging, and refusing to carry the burden of holding on to the pain anymore. Not that it doesn't crop up from time to time anyway of course. But time to time is less of a burden than much of the time. Plus it has the added advantage of taking the power away from your husband. The power to continue to hurt you.
Posted by LadyBug on March 30, 2009, at 15:22:10
In reply to Ladybug, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2009, at 7:51:20
Thanks for adding that. I am torn at the time because my husband has no money, no job, no car...nothing, and I feel bad. He put himself where he is now. He's taken all he's going to take from me.
I feel I should have him stay with me, but I can't do that. I can't give him power over me. He's had it for 25 plus years and it's time for me to own my own power. I won't give him the power to hurt me anymore. I won't ever forget the "stuff" he's done, but I can remember it without the pain. I'm sure from time to time it will creep in like you said.
It's not going to be easy. It sounds like I have a moving crew lined up for tomorrow, late afternoon. My husband can be nice, it just doesn't last, I need to remember that. Dr. Jeckell/Mr. Hide, drugs..........
LadyBug
Posted by rskontos on March 31, 2009, at 17:24:28
In reply to Re: Daisym » LadyBug, posted by DAisym on March 28, 2009, at 23:34:40
>>>However, creating this really safe, personal space has resulting in a bit of a dilemma. I've started seeing someone and he came to visit me. I just couldn't tolerate sharing my room with him - so he was in the guest room - and I'd "visit" him there, if you know what I mean.>>>
Daisym,
I laughed at this too. I have a friend about 4-5 years older than I and she says she never could marry anyone for having to share stuff. Now when the man she is seeing gets too dependent on wanting to share her stuff she will send them packing because she doesn't even want to share her friends. She is funny about it because it doesn't bother her now to live alone, etc. But a side note, when she built her own house, she is a well-paid attorney, she told the builder she did not need a his and her closet or bathroom because there was no his in the future. LOL I laughed at that.
Your statement reminded me of her and her inability to share alot.
take care,
rsk
Posted by rskontos on March 31, 2009, at 17:25:10
In reply to Daisym, posted by LadyBug on March 28, 2009, at 12:07:19
This is the end of the thread.
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