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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wittgensteinz on February 13, 2009, at 17:23:06
I have some deadlines looming - one in particular is this form I have to fill in and it involves gettings lots of letters written with references and revisiting things of my past, which is triggering. I feel so stressed by it.
All the while I have this lingering feeling - a need to be held and taken care of like a baby. I just wish I could curl up somewhere safe and be taken care of. I really don't want to face the big bad world right now - maybe never :( - finally my pdoc phoned, he never replied to my mail 3 weeks ago asking for an appointment - and he could only offer me a date in March grrr (which because I'm rubbish on the phone happily agreed to) so I currently have no meds at all, zilch and am out of my comfort zone.
Sorry, this was one of my rants :(
Witti
Posted by seldomseen on February 13, 2009, at 18:20:33
In reply to Stress, posted by wittgensteinz on February 13, 2009, at 17:23:06
I'm sorry witti, deadlines are awful. Just dreadful. Revisiting the past is doubly so.
I do a lot of things to a deadline and I completely understand, and often share your desire to just curl up and be held as one approaches. It *is* hard to find the right balance of work/reward, even when you are working for something that you really really want. Curl up as you need to, that's my motto.
I do wish though (as I'm sure you do too!) that your pdoc was more cooperative. Now that you have an appointment, perhaps he can call you in something to get you through this period and expand your comfort zone. You really don't simply have to accept whatever he gives you, you can ask for more. We all can.
Seldom.
Posted by sharon7 on February 13, 2009, at 18:20:51
In reply to Stress, posted by wittgensteinz on February 13, 2009, at 17:23:06
Oh no, Witti! Darn. I'm sorry you are feeling stressed and that you are having to do all of that triggering activity, and especially without the benefit of having your medication. Since you said there was a deadline looming, I assume that means you can't put it off until you see the pdoc?
You are really in need of some comfort now, huh? (((((((((witti))))))))). That was a big huge gigantic hug. I'll pray for you, too. Try to think of something you can do to pamper yourself. Curl up with a book, take a relaxing bath, maybe? Be kind to yourself.
What if you called the pdocs office back and said you need to be worked in before March. I assume the pdoc knows you are out of meds. I thought they usually didn't like to let that happen? I'm surprised he could not at least give you a script for a months worth until you can get in to see him.
As far as that form you have to get done, as hard as it is, maybe if there was someway you could try to finish it asap so you can get past all those memories and the pain it's causing you. Just kind of take a deep breath, grit your teeth, and get it done so you can put it behind you.
I'll be thinking about you. Take care of yourself! I'm glad you wrote to let us know what's going on. You are always so supportive to everyone, including me! So now it's your turn to let us try to make you feel even just a little better. I hope it worked. (o:
Sharon
Posted by raisinb on February 13, 2009, at 20:19:58
In reply to Stress, posted by wittgensteinz on February 13, 2009, at 17:23:06
Witti--
I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed. First, call your pdoc again. I don't know how it works where you are (UK?) but presumably they can call in a prescription for you--?Second, try not to beat up on yourself and (if you can) try to stop those anxious, circling thoughts about your deadlines. Often, I stress because of guilt about not doing enough, but then I notice I get a lot more done when I am calm.
Peace to you.
Posted by Phillipa on February 13, 2009, at 21:41:17
In reply to Re: Stress » wittgensteinz, posted by raisinb on February 13, 2009, at 20:19:58
Witti if you're on meds why not refills if doc can't see you. No idea what your meds are but that's not right in my opinion. Is it common there for things like this to happen? Love Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on February 13, 2009, at 22:34:01
In reply to Stress, posted by wittgensteinz on February 13, 2009, at 17:23:06
> I have some deadlines looming - one in particular is this form I have to fill in and it involves gettings lots of letters written with references and revisiting things of my past, which is triggering. I feel so stressed by it.
>
> All the while I have this lingering feeling - a need to be held and taken care of like a baby. I just wish I could curl up somewhere safe and be taken care of. I really don't want to face the big bad world right now - maybe never :( - finally my pdoc phoned, he never replied to my mail 3 weeks ago asking for an appointment - and he could only offer me a date in March grrr (which because I'm rubbish on the phone happily agreed to) so I currently have no meds at all, zilch and am out of my comfort zone.
>
> Sorry, this was one of my rants :(
>
> WittiWitti,
I don't think you are ranting at all. and I am sorry you are faced with stinking deadlines. I wished we could all surround you and make you feel held and taken care of. I guess a cyberhug will have to do.
((((((((((((((Witti)))))))))))
Can you get a refill for until you see this p-doc, or do say I gotta see you cuz I have a need for my meds you see. Call something in or see me, I need my meds.
I hate to hear you in this much pain and stress. I wish I could help.
know that I care,
rsk
Posted by wittgensteinz on February 14, 2009, at 5:19:32
In reply to Re: Stress » wittgensteinz, posted by rskontos on February 13, 2009, at 22:34:01
It was nice coming to babble today and seeing people care - that in itself gave me a feeling of being held/being safe.
The thing with the meds is a bit complex. I was on ADs and swapped to this new pdoc (the previous one wasn't very competent). I wasn't satisfied with the ADs - they weren't helping as far as I could tell and switched pdocs in order to come off them (old pdoc wasn't interested in trying something else). So I've come off them and at that point felt quite ok so we left it there. Since mid-January I've been really struggling, so I mailed pdoc to ask whether I could see him and could start a new AD - that was 3 weeks ago, no reply - I then waited (add in many negative thoughts) and finally phoned and he called back last week. In the mean time I still had seroquel tablets from my previous pdoc which were good at knocking me out when very stressed but I don't have anymore now. It's not that I'm cold turkey - I didn't take the seroquel regularly, only when I absolutely needed to and I doubt my pdoc would just prescribe me more without seeing me first. That's why I need to see him, to discuss a good AD and also a good med for anxiety. I don't think this pdoc is bad - he's probably too good and hence has too many patients and too little time to see them - plus I tend to come across better than I am and find it difficult to ask for help. My T found it too long too but now pdoc is on holiday so I won't be able to contact him until near the end of February anyway.
The form is a real pain. I live in the Netherlands but come from the UK. It's a university application but I have to get documents signed from my previous school and university and get 'evidence' of any volunteer work I did during my high school/university education and the deadline is the end of this month so I've had to phone a lot of people from the past asking for covering letters - nothing too bad happened, I just hate phoning and asking for things. It's really crazy how many things I have to sort out for this and they only give you 4 weeks to do so (which I think is harsh if you are a foreign student given how slow the post system is). One question on the form for example is "how many hours of lesson time did you receive for each high school subject" - well in the UK we don't calculate study hours (in the Netherlands they seem obsessed with time) and frankly that was years ago and I don't have a clue! The form is really only designed for Dutch students so I've had to contact them several times asking how I should fill it out with my details and each time they give an inadequate alternative. Plus there's been a lot of snow in England (the most in over 20 years) and so everything has been closed so trying to arrange anything is difficult. I hate beaurocracy grrr - at the moment I hate being a foreigner too - sometimes it's like trying to trudge through concrete.
My T has been good though. He told me how annoyed he got when a few years back he spent a couple of semesters lecturing at a university in Japan. He said in the application they even requested a letter from his primary school (elementary school). Well his problem was that that was like 40 years before and the school no longer existed and he had to post it all off to Japan, so perhaps I should consider myself lucky. He also said to make up the hours on the form - that "they're asking to be decieved with such a stupid question!".
At least my session went well yesterday. It started ominously with my arriving 15 minutes late - train was delayed. When I arrived his wife was standing in front of the front door unloading bags of shopping from her bike. There wasn't room for me to squeaze past so I stood there thinking whether I should offer to help or not - whether that would be intrusive - I don't really want to know what they buy at the supermarket. She ignored me and I felt horribly awkward and waited for her like a lemon (probably she hadn't seen me). Anyway, at a certain moment there was space for me to squeaze past and rang the door bell. At that moment she said "Oh goodmorning! I thought X was already seeing someone" and I said "yes it should be me but I've been delayed". Then he opens the door and laughs at the awkwardness. It was awkward but this kind of thing doesn't happen often - just a thing with seeing a therapist at his home.
In the end, despite the awkwardness the session turned out well - I felt reconnected with him, not that I've been particularly disconnected, but it feels like this stress is bringing out a neediness/vulnerability that I haven't felt quite like this in a long while. I feel ashamed to feel so vulnerable and dependent on someone but he received my feelings and validated them rather than rejecting them, which was comforting. Lately even sitting there with him I haven't been able to escape my stress and have found it hard to think of anything else and be constructive and move forward. I can become paralysed by fear and anxiety at times.
If anyone manages to read this far they deserve a prize!
Witti
Posted by Sharon7 on February 14, 2009, at 8:36:56
In reply to Thanks, posted by wittgensteinz on February 14, 2009, at 5:19:32
Good morning to you, witti. Or whatever time of day it is there in the Netherlands! Yes, I read through but no prize necessary. You'll do! (o:
Just got a minute, but wanted to say, gosh, i totally feel your pain on that form. i think i must have the same type of anxieties you do about stuff like that, because as you were describing it, i remember thinking "man, what a pain in the 'bum!' Is there anyone at the school in like admissions or something that could sit down with you to discuss the form and how non-applicable many parts of it were to your particular situation, being from another country and all. It doesn't sound like you've gotten much help from them at this point. Did you call or go down there? Could you make an appt to sit down and talk to an admissions person about it?
I'm glad you were able to discuss this with your T and I totally agree with what he said about making up hours. Point being, not that lying is the way to go, but the 'truth' is, you don't KNOW the answers to those questions, and if YOU don't know they answer and have no way to obtain it, the school certainly isn't going to be able to prove it one way or the other. I say just get it filled out as best you can, get it to them asap. Once the application has been submitted, they should contact you about what if anything they are still requiring. I don't mean to over simplify, and I know it's a pain in the rea, and traveling by train must make it a little tough, too, i'd imagine. I'm just trying to think what I might do in the situation. Hey, what if, you took the forms with you to your next appt (if you haven't already) and spend the session (or as much as needed) going over the form and getting his advice on how to handle the questions and what to put there since he's had some experience with that. I know it would kind of suck to have to use valuable therapy time working on that, but it is having an effect on you psychologically and causing you a lot of stress.
Oh, and I totally figured the thing with the meds was a bit more complicated that just needing a refill. That'd have been too easy of a fix, huh? (o:
I'm glad you had a good session with your T yesterday, despite the initial awkwardness you described with the wife. It sounded like when she did see you there, she was friendly, so hopefully that made you feel better. I had another great session with mine yesterday that I plan to post about at some point this weekend if I can get to it. What a difference that makes on our outlook on life, huh?
Well, I guess I had a little more time that I thought! I best run. I hope you have a great day, witti, and a very Happy Valentine's Day. (That may just be an American holiday but it's all about love, and that's universal.)
God bless. You'll be in my prayers.
Sharon
Posted by antigua3 on February 14, 2009, at 12:08:36
In reply to Thanks, posted by wittgensteinz on February 14, 2009, at 5:19:32
What's the prize?
I'm glad you posted. I have been worried about you. I'm sorry you have to wait so long to see a pdoc. A little relief right now for you might go a long way, but ...
In any case, I'm glad to hear that you felt reconnected w/your T.
antigua
Posted by wittgensteinz on February 15, 2009, at 18:20:14
In reply to Re: Thanks, posted by Sharon7 on February 14, 2009, at 8:36:56
Thanks for the suggestions Sharon.
I don't think I'll actually take the form to my session - or maybe I should just to see the look on my T's face (he might just lose it and wrip the thing up) - I've moaned about the form (or something to do with it) the last 2 weeks in any case. I can't see him helping me fill out a form - he's too much of an analyst to do something 'helpful' (practical) like that. Luckily there's light at the end of the tunnel now in any case.
Looking forward to reading about your 2nd session with your T (glad it went well) plus hope you have had/are having a good weekend.
Witti
Posted by wittgensteinz on February 15, 2009, at 18:23:33
In reply to Re: Thanks » wittgensteinz, posted by antigua3 on February 14, 2009, at 12:08:36
The prize? Hmm... I guess I hadn't expected anyone to read that far lol.
Thanks for your kind words and caring.
On a positive note - at least I'll have PLENTY of time to plan what I will say to pdoc and which meds to discuss trying. I always feel very intimidated when I go to see him, not sure why. I get a very different feeling from him than I do from T - I guess pdoc is a more imposing character.
Witti
This is the end of the thread.
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