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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LibraryGirl on January 24, 2009, at 11:55:52
Hi everyone,
I feel dumb making this a post, but I'm honestly confused and thought some outside perspectives might help.
I've been working with a new therapist since October. She was recommended as a specialist (eating disorders) and she has a lot of experience, so I started seeing her. The past couple of sessions (the last one was about two weeks ago) I felt like I kept repeating the same things, merely complaining about my life. So I started to wonder whether I should keep going to sessions. I mentioned it the last time I saw her, she asked me why I thought that, then at the end we were scheduling the next session and I told her maybe I'd go, maybe not. Maybe she didn't think I was serious, she said something funny about it, and that was it. So as the next session approached I just felt like I would only be going there to keep saying the same things. So I left her a short voice message, saying I was going to cancel for my next appt and if I had another one scheduled (she usually schedules a few appts ahead of time) to let me know and I'll decide whether to keep it.
She called back, left a message, saying she doesn't know what I'm thinking, that she thought we were working well together and to call her back and let her know what's going on and whether I really wanted to cancel for that Saturday. I called back, left another message, (this is probably over a week ago now) saying:
1. I felt like i was just saying the same things every week, that a lot of my problems and worries are external (not sure now what i meant by this, i guess as opposed to internal/emotional) and I feel like I'm "spinning my wheels",
2. plus I'm having a bit of a transportation problem with my car (long story) so I wasn't able to get there on on my day off b/c I don't have a car on the days when I'm not working (even though she literally works a couple of minutes by car from my house, but it's been too cold to walk there and it is a longer walk than it actually seems when you're driving, lol)
3. plus the expense of seeing her every week (even those co-pays add up),
4. plus i only get 30 sessions a year on my insurance, so if I use them all up now I won't have any to use when (no, not if) something bad happens and I might really need to see her. (I should be seeing her every two weeks, b/c of the insurance, but we talked about it and she thinks i needed more sessions for now, but it makes me nervous that i'm using them up).
And then I added that I wasn't sure whether we had an appt scheduled for this coming Monday (I go back to working Saturdays this week, so I have Mondays off again), and to let me know whether or not I do and I'll let her know what i want to do.
So that was the last communication I've had with her. She hasn't called back at all, and I'm not sure what's happening. Is she waiting for me to call her to ask to come in (which, of course, my pride won't let me do for some reason)? Or maybe she's given up? Or forgotten about me? Or, as I realized yesterday, did it sound like to her that I quit entirely?
So I'm not sure what to do. Part of me wants to call her, leave a humble message, but I feel like I'm lowering myself and that I should be better than that, I guess (hard to define what it is I feel when I think of calling). And if I did call to ask for a session, why am I doing that? I'm not sure what I even need right now. Or what I'm afraid of (maybe I'm running? It's possible).
Anyway, that's the story. Sorry it's so long. Any input would be appreciated as I'm at a loss.
Thanks,
LG
Posted by Annierose on January 24, 2009, at 12:30:59
In reply to Did I quit?, posted by LibraryGirl on January 24, 2009, at 11:55:52
I think it's common throughout the therapy process to have the feeling as though you are "spinning your wheels". Therapist often have different names for that (the one that often applies to me is resistance) and accept that as part of the process.
You don't need to worry about what your therapist is thinking or feeling. She isn't judging you. She expressed that she was confused and from her perspective, she thought the relationship was moving forward. I would call and clarify that you do want to see her again.
Try not to expect break-throughs at every session. It's a relationship and it needs time to develop and you need time to trust the relationship (your emotional unconscious self).
Good Luck and I hope you do call and see her again.
Posted by raisinb on January 24, 2009, at 14:05:43
In reply to Did I quit?, posted by LibraryGirl on January 24, 2009, at 11:55:52
She should have called you back, but maybe she is busy and planning to when she gets time. It would be fine, in my opinion, to call her back again and say you're confused and don't know if you need to show or not, and you're ambivalent even if you do have something scheduled.
It sounds like she didn't initially take your feelings of not getting anywhere seriously, but that she wants to talk to you about it and at least make sure this is the right decision for you.
I think it's interesting that there are several technical--the car, the working on certain days--issues involved in your reasons for quitting. Either the therapy really isn't working for you, or you're experiencing some unconscious resistance. Maybe some soul-searching about what you have gotten out of this so far would help?
Peace, and I hope you resolve this soon.
Posted by LibraryGirl on January 24, 2009, at 16:49:10
In reply to Did I quit?, posted by LibraryGirl on January 24, 2009, at 11:55:52
I'm still at work (as I was when I posted this message; Saturdays at a library are very low-key places) but about to leave and I just called home to check my messages. It was her. She called to confirm our appt on Monday and wants me to let her know and hopes that she'll see me.
So, yeah, I guess she wanted to wait until the last minute, lol. I just hope I can get a car for that day.
I just hate how fast my feelings change. When I'm there, I question WHY I'm there and whether I should keep going. When I don't go for a while I panic thinking that I've somehow lost the opportunity to go back.
AAAAHHHHH.
Thanks for your replies. I probably would have called if she hadn't, although I'm secretly glad she called first. :P
Posted by Annierose on January 24, 2009, at 17:34:23
In reply to She called » LibraryGirl, posted by LibraryGirl on January 24, 2009, at 16:49:10
I'm glad she called you back. I don't think she was waiting for the last minute. It's probably just when she got to it during her day.
I hope you go.
This is the end of the thread.
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