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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 3, 2008, at 14:49:57
(After 31 years of abusive "marriage').....I got a divorce; It has been close to 4 years alone.
Told my t that being alone was....next to death.
The irony is that my ex is a loner (he said so), and I am a stone people (person), extrovert type of person.
The ex has a girlfriend; I am still alone...anyone else experiencing this kind of alone?
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by Phillipa on November 3, 2008, at 23:27:55
In reply to I Wonder if Anyone Else Has Felt Like This, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 3, 2008, at 14:49:57
Sassy alone and married in the same house. So I know how you feel. Funny thing is after the first marriage of 21 years loved being alone. Then married again and again and now and the second was great and I was the one to end it idiot me. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2008, at 17:38:53
In reply to I Wonder if Anyone Else Has Felt Like This, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 3, 2008, at 14:49:57
I always say I enjoy being alone, but I suppose I never really have been. It's very important to me to have someone to love. My dogs are great for that too.
I'm really concerned about you, Sassy. I worry that you haven't told your therapist about the money problem. It's fine to hope that something positive happens to change that. I really hope it does. But in the meantime isn't it important to talk to your therapist about what to do if nothing does happen to change your circumstances?
This is a big change in your life, very important, and you owe it to yourself and to your therapist to discuss it ahead of time.
Then you can go back to hoping. Like I said in another context, there are times to take a good hard look at what *is*, not what you wish to be. It seems to me that this is one of those times.
Even if your therapist can't help you monetarily, or is unable to work something out to continue to see you, maybe he can help you find something in your life so that you won't feel totally bereft. He can help you plan for the contingency, even if it doesn't happen to come to pass.
What reason is there *not* to tell him? It's his job to help you with things like this. Are you afraid he'll react badly? Are you afraid he'll insist you stop seeing him now?
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 5, 2008, at 8:14:16
In reply to Re: I Wonder if Anyone Else Has Felt Like This, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2008, at 17:38:53
> I always say I enjoy being alone, but I suppose I never really have been. It's very important to me to have someone to love. My dogs are great for that too.
I have a cat.
>
> I'm really concerned about you, Sassy. Thankyou,I worry that you haven't told your therapist about the money problem. It's fine to hope that something positive happens to change that. I really hope it does. But in the meantime isn't it important to talk to your therapist about what to do if nothing does happen to change your circumstances?
If I tell him before I absolutely have to, it will cause me MORE anxiety; either way the outcome will be the same.
>
> This is a big change in your life, very important, and you owe it to yourself and to your therapist to discuss it ahead of time.
>
> Then you can go back to hoping. Like I said in another context, there are times to take a good hard look at what *is*, not what you wish to be. It seems to me that this is one of those times.
>
> Even if your therapist can't help you monetarily, or is unable to work something out to continue to see you, maybe he can help you find something in your life so that you won't feel totally bereft. He can help you plan for the contingency, even if it doesn't happen to come to pass.
>
> What reason is there *not* to tell him? It's his job to help you with things like this. Are you afraid he'll react badly? Are you afraid he'll insist you stop seeing him now?I think he will still see me, but am ready for the possibility he might not. I told him last night he was my support system.
Thanks for caring, sweetie!
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by Dinah on November 5, 2008, at 8:49:18
In reply to Re: I Wonder if Anyone Else Has Felt Like This » Dinah, posted by sassyfrancesca on November 5, 2008, at 8:14:16
> If I tell him before I absolutely have to, it will cause me MORE anxiety; either way the outcome will be the same.
Outcome isn't all that's at stake. Reaction to outcome, and preparation for outcome, is at least as important. That's what therapy helps us with. Therapy can't change the outcome in any number of things. It just helps us deal with it.
Would you mind saying more about the anxiety? I don't want to press you if you don't wish to, but I don't really understand. I'd feel enormously anxious to keep a secret from my therapist. Even those things I swear I'll never say to him generally pop out of my mouth because any secret looms so large in my brain. Especially one that involves him. I don't know your therapist of course. But I know mine would be pretty annoyed with me, despite the fact that he keeps things from me that would involve the continuation of therapy.
So I'm not really sure how telling him would involve more anxiety rather than shared anxiety?
I don't mean to bother you with this of course. And you can feel free to ignore my post.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on November 5, 2008, at 10:04:20
In reply to Re: I Wonder if Anyone Else Has Felt Like This » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on November 5, 2008, at 8:49:18
> > If I tell him before I absolutely have to, it will cause me MORE anxiety; either way the outcome will be the same.
>
> Outcome isn't all that's at stake. Reaction to outcome, and preparation for outcome, is at least as important.Yes, I have been psyching myself up for quite a long time.
That's what therapy helps us with. Therapy can't change the outcome in any number of things. It just helps us deal with it.
If I tell him before I want to it will be upsetting; gotta follow my gut instinct.
>
> Would you mind saying more about the anxiety?it is anxiety-producing to know it is coming, just because there is nothing I can do about it.
I don't want to press you if you don't wish to, but I don't really understand. I'd feel enormously anxious to keep a secret from my therapist. Even those things I swear I'll never say to him generally pop out of my mouth because any secret looms so large in my brain. Especially one that involves him. I don't know your therapist of course. But I know mine would be pretty annoyed
he won't be annoyed, I know....he will want to discuss the situation with me.
with me, despite the fact that he keeps things from me that would involve the continuation of therapy.
>
> So I'm not really sure how telling him would involve more anxiety rather than shared anxiety?Wish I could explain it better; guess i am hoping something will happen (like a new job I have bid on at work), so that I won't have to have the conversation.
>
> I don't mean to bother you with this of course. And you can feel free to ignore my post.Oh, you aren't bothering me; giving me something to think about, and I appreciate it. I would never ignore your post!
Hugs, Sassy
This is the end of the thread.
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