![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 26 to 50 of 51. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on September 18, 2008, at 10:49:31
In reply to T Touching Himself, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 17, 2008, at 8:17:49
Sassy, to change the topic a bit...
You've said several times in this thread that if you found a man to date, you'd be willing to leave your therapist. That you wouldn't put up with his behavior if there was someone else in your life.
Sassy, there doesn't have to be a man in your life. It's ok to refuse to put up with a bad relationship, even if you don't have a fallback position.
I had a friend who had that viewpoint for part of her life. She was in a bad marriage, yet the only time she left, it was because she was sure she wouldn't be alone when she left. The really nice part of her story is that she eventually discovered that she was enough on her own. That she didn't need a man in her life at any cost. She left her husband. They maintained a loving relationship, but she refused to put up with poor treatment from anyone.
From what you've shared of your life, I can see that feeling alone would be scary. But not feeling alone doesn't necessarily involve a man. Strong female friendships, being part of a group, all those things can lead to plenty of companionship in your life.
I understand the desire for the sort of relationship you can only have with a man. But your therapist has been pretty clear that he isn't going to have that kind of relationship with you anyway. He's not going to leave his wife or endanger his career. All you'll ever have with him, as a relationship with a man, is a shadow of the real thing. Don't settle for less, when you can have more.
I was wondering about your comment about bumping into people. Could you say more about that? Do you lean against them? What does bumping look like? I ask because you once told me that your therapist's wrestling (on at least one occasion) was in response to your bumping him. Was his throwing you on the couch in response to your bumping? Do you initiate touch or does he? You say you do this with everyone. How do other people respond? Do they respond physically?
I'm not minimizing in any way his behavior or his responsibility. It is *always* a therapist's responsibility to behave in an ethical manner. I'm just trying to get an accurate picture in my mind.
Posted by lucie lu on September 18, 2008, at 10:52:16
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself » lucie lu, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 17, 2008, at 14:59:40
> > Lucie: You are very sweet and kind and you DO get it!
:)
> > What if you do get some consultation? That is a good idea; actually I have looked around for another t to bounce things off; actually written to some, and they answered that they have no expertise in this kind of thing, and I am not surprised. I educated myself quite a bit.
Sassy, I had an idea - if you can't get anywhere finding a local person to talk to about this, how about writing for a referral to someone like Glen Gabbard? He is at the Menninger in Kansas (I think - check Amazon). He is an expert in that area. Or Ken Pope. They should be responsive, you'd think, and plugged in enough to be able to point you in the right direction of someone appropriate you could consult with. Might be worth a try... Lucie
Posted by lucie lu on September 18, 2008, at 10:55:18
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on September 18, 2008, at 10:49:31
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 18, 2008, at 12:11:13
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on September 18, 2008, at 10:49:31
> Sassy, to change the topic a bit...
>
> You've said several times in this thread that if you found a man to date, you'd be willing to leave your therapist. That you wouldn't put up with his behavior if there was someone else in your life.Yes, that is true.
>
> Sassy, there doesn't have to be a man in your life. I know.It's ok to refuse to put up with a bad relationship, even if you don't have a fallback position. Absolutely.
>
> I had a friend who had that viewpoint for part of her life. She was in a bad marriage, yet the only time she left, it was because she was sure she wouldn't be alone when she left.It was the scariest thing I ever did to leave a 32-year (abusive marriage).
The really nice part of her story is that she eventually discovered that she was enough on her own.
I know that I am.
That she didn't need a man in her life at any cost. She left her husband. They maintained a loving relationship, but she refused to put up with poor treatment from anyone.
>
> From what you've shared of your life, I can see that feeling alone would be scary. But not feeling alone doesn't necessarily involve a man. Strong female friendships, being part of a group, all those things can lead to plenty of companionship in your life.I do have wonderful female friends, but no one I can spend any time with, other than at work.
>
> I understand the desire for the sort of relationship you can only have with a man. But your therapist has been pretty clear that he isn't going to have that kind of relationship with you anyway. He's not going to leave his wife or endanger his career. All you'll ever have with him, as a relationship with a man, is a shadow of the real thing. Don't settle for less, when you can have more.
>
> I was wondering about your comment about bumping into people. Could you say more about that?Occasionally (I am a big tease)...I will lightly bump somone on the shoulder and say, "oh, excuse me"!
Do you lean against them? No
What does bumping look like? I ask because you once told me that your therapist's wrestling (on at least one occasion) was in response to your bumping him. Was his throwing you on the couch in response to your bumping? Do you initiate touch or does he? It's gone both ways.
You say you do this with everyone. How do other people respond? Do they respond physically? They just laugh.
>
> I'm not minimizing in any way his behavior or his responsibility. It is *always* a therapist's responsibility to behave in an ethical manner. I'm just trying to get an accurate picture in my mind.
>
> Hope that cleared it up, LOL...Yes a t is responsible for how therapy goes, etc.....Hugs n Love, Sassy
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 18, 2008, at 12:17:08
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself » sassyfrancesca, posted by lucie lu on September 18, 2008, at 10:52:16
I've written to quite a lot of authorities on unethical/sexual misconduct and behavior.
I wrote to Peter Rutter (author of Sex in the Forbidden Zone), and he didn't respond.
I spoke with an attorney/therapist who is on the board of ethics in my State.
I've written to TELL...A group who support people who've been exploited by their t's.
I wrote to Advocate.web, also.....they of course, all say the same things...I see the big picture, etc....but am not ready to leave......
Posted by Dinah on September 18, 2008, at 12:23:58
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself » Dinah, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 18, 2008, at 12:11:13
> I do have wonderful female friends, but no one I can spend any time with, other than at work.
I can see why you would feel so attached to your therapist, if he's the only person you spend any time with outside work.
Maybe it's too hard for you to leave your therapist right now. But given the inappropriate behavior he described, and given that your funds will run out soon, maybe this is the part of your life that you need to work on changing right now.
I am not so good at social stuff myself, but I have seen how people can forge strong relationships outside of a traditional family bond.
I often relate the story of a woman I know who was very active in a hobby club. She gave a lot to the club and was much loved in return. She wasn't married. Had no children. But her funeral was the most attended I have ever seen. They had to hold it up a couple of days so that everyone could come in from out of town. The place was not only packed, but it wasn't a pro forma sort of pay your respects. These were people who loved her and would miss her.
My point is that it is possible to build relationships outside of a romantic one. Is there anything you enjoy doing? Are there any clubs in your area that would involve things you enjoy doing? I've heard of astronomy clubs, doll clubs, dog clubs, knitting circles, dance groups, exercise clubs. I realize that religion is probably a sore spot for you, so I won't suggest that source of companionship.
If you can't bear to tear yourself away from your therapist, maybe we can suggest ways for you to build a network of relationships apart from your therapist, so that you won't be solely relying on him? Then you'll be able to make the choice that you think is healthiest for you.
You seem to be an outgoing and gregarious person. What do you see are the obstacles to establishing other connections?
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 18, 2008, at 13:07:28
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on September 18, 2008, at 12:23:58
> > Dear Dinah: Thankyou....
I do have wonderful female friends, but no one I can spend any time with, other than at work.
>
> I can see why you would feel so attached to your therapist, if he's the only person you spend any time with outside work.
>
> Maybe it's too hard for you to leave your therapist right now. It is.But given the inappropriate behavior he described, and given that your funds will run out soon, maybe this is the part of your life that you need to work on changing right now. Oh, I know...
>
> I am not so good at social stuff myself, but I have seen how people can forge strong relationships outside of a traditional family bond.Actually, I am a social butterfly! I went back to school at age 61, won a scholarship, went to Hawaii for the American Counseling Association Convention, have a poetry website with almost 15,000 hits, written my memoir, and am a dancer, singer, writer, etc....
>
> I often relate the story of a woman I know who was very active in a hobby club. She gave a lot to the club and was much loved in return. She wasn't married. Had no children. But her funeral was the most attended I have ever seen. They had to hold it up a couple of days so that everyone could come in from out of town. The place was not only packed, but it wasn't a pro forma sort of pay your respects. These were people who loved her and would miss her. Wow.....
>
> My point is that it is possible to build relationships outside of a romantic one. yes, I know. Is there anything you enjoy doing?Dancing, singing, writing.... Are there any clubs in your area that would involve things you enjoy doing? Not in my immediate area; although when I can I attend things I like...I went to hear Elie Wiesel (survivor of Auschwitz), and met an amazing man (I would have married him instantly and forgotten ALL about my t, believe it or not)...Elie Wiesel had written to me about my poetry; so honored and humbled.
em I've heard of astronomy clubs, doll clubs, dog clubs, knitting circles, dance groups, exercise clubs. I realize that religion is probably a sore spot for you, so I won't suggest that source of companionship. Thanks! LOL
>
> If you can't bear to tear yourself away from your therapist, maybe we can suggest ways for you to build a network of relationships apart from your therapist, so that you won't be solely relying on him?I am so resourceful, and have wracked my brain on how to get out there. I may go to a nice restaurant (trendy, upscale) in my area Friday night, but unfortunately...alone); I have been doing things alone all of my life.
Then you'll be able to make the choice that you think is healthiest for you.
>
> You seem to be an outgoing and gregarious person. What do you see are the obstacles to establishing other connections?I really don't know; if I had friends who would/could go out, I would be out every night, LOL, LOL
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by Nadezda on September 18, 2008, at 13:23:16
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself » Dinah, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 18, 2008, at 13:07:28
Hi, Sassyfrancesca.
Could I ask why your friends can't go out? Can they talk on the phone? Lots of people find that even talking on the phone creates a sense of companionship-- or chatting online through gmail or yahoo, or one of the many chatlines.
I do wonder, though, if you couldn't find activities to do in the evening-- aren't there classes-- even very lowcost or free ones,-- in your area? Where I live is a bit unusual, but still there may be free reading groups and poetry-writing groups. Or you could start your own group-- reading or poetry-writing. There are so many people, I'd bet, who would love to find a good place to work on their writing.
If you do enjoy people's company, I'm sure there have to be ways of moving toward having more of that..
It does seem that having only one person whom you can depend on creates an awfully difficult situation for you.
Nadezda
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 18, 2008, at 13:56:07
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself, posted by Nadezda on September 18, 2008, at 13:23:16
> Hi, Sassyfrancesca.
(Hi, Nadezda))): Most of my friends are married...you know how that is, and they don't live close.
>
> Could I ask why your friends can't go out? Can they talk on the phone? I spend tons of time talking on the phone; it is my life-saver, a way of staying connected.Lots of people find that even talking on the phone creates a sense of companionship-- or chatting online through gmail or yahoo, or one of the many chatlines.
I am a member of 2 other support groups AND a dating website.
>
> I do wonder, though, if you couldn't find activities to do in the evening-- aren't there classes-- even very lowcost or free ones,-- in your area?I returned to college (where I work) last year, but haven't taken a class this semester...if I flunk, I have to pay 1,000 dollars back, so am waiting a bit to see if I can get a higher paying job; I had an interview last week.
Where I live is a bit unusual, but still there may be free reading groups and poetry-writing groups. Or you could start your own group-- reading or poetry-writing.
That is an EXCELLENT suggestion; perhaps I will start my OWN poetry group. Thankyou!
There are so many people, I'd bet, who would love to find a good place to work on their writing.
>
> If you do enjoy people's company, I'm sure there have to be ways of moving toward having more of that..
>
> It does seem that having only one person whom you can depend on creates an awfully difficult situation for you. Absolutely.Hugs, Sassy...and thankyou!
>
> Nadezda
>
>
Posted by Dinah on September 18, 2008, at 13:56:41
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself » Dinah, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 18, 2008, at 13:07:28
I think Nadezda gave some excellent suggestions. Have you ever tried any of those?
Ok, I'll share a bit of my philosophy here.
I see life as a ladder with unequally spaced rungs. Sometimes the steps are small, and with support, it's possible to move safely up the ladder. Sometimes the steps are huge, and the scary part is that you have to take your foot of one rung as you place it on the next. You have to give up the safety of where you are to go where you want to be.
I know you've done that before. You've told your story and you've referred to yourself as a transcendent child. I have every confidence in you, that the same qualities that let you transcend abuse in the past can help you move on to a life full of full and rich relationships. Do you talk about these things with your therapist? Even if he's inappropriate at times, and drives you crazy with mixed messages, he's still your therapist and you just as well get your money's worth. What does he say about your relationships with others?
I believe that you are resourceful. But many heads are better than one when it comes to brainstorming solutions. If you tell us some of the problems you have in finding people to spend time with outside work, maybe we can brainstorm some solutions?
Posted by Dinah on September 18, 2008, at 13:58:53
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself » Nadezda, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 18, 2008, at 13:56:07
Posted by lemonaide on September 18, 2008, at 15:32:20
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on September 18, 2008, at 13:56:41
I think it all come down to you, you have the power to change your life to what you want it to be. If you want change, you will have to make it happen.
Posted by AbbieNormal on September 18, 2008, at 18:36:55
In reply to Re: T Touching Himself, posted by lemonaide on September 18, 2008, at 15:32:20
> I think it all come down to you, you have the power to change your life to what you want it to be. If you want change, you will have to make it happen.
This thread feels like we're doing an intervention for an addict who is not ready to give up her crack pipe yet. Ya gotta want to change. There is nothing anyone can say which Sassy hasn't heard and doesn't already know.
Sassy - No one is saying it's easy. But it's clear where the healthy path lies (and you are trying to get healthier, right? or no?) You just need to decide when you are going to take steps to get away from this man and begin to lead a healthier, more realistic life.
Life is short! You are wasting precious time with this fantasy, and man who plays games. You deserve better than this.
Abbie
Posted by AbbieNormal on September 19, 2008, at 5:52:47
In reply to EXACTLY! » lemonaide, posted by AbbieNormal on September 18, 2008, at 18:36:55
I re-read my post this a.m. and it sounded harsher than intended. I just meant to be brief and clear....not whack you over the head.
Just know that I mean to help. You deserve to be treated by a caring professional.
Abbie
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 19, 2008, at 7:38:34
In reply to Re: EXACTLY!, posted by AbbieNormal on September 19, 2008, at 5:52:47
all of you said was true, and I know it. If I did not love this man, it would be simple...therein lies the rub!
I know intellectually what I should do, but don't feel I can right now...overwhelmed with so much.
I appreciate all of your helpful insight and advice; it means more than you can ever know.
Hugs and Love, Sassy
P.S. I intend to go to a trendy/upscale bar/restaurant tonight (alone, arggh), just to get out of the house!
Posted by Dinah on September 19, 2008, at 8:12:32
In reply to Re: Thank you all so much! Everything....., posted by sassyfrancesca on September 19, 2008, at 7:38:34
That sounds like a nice treat for yourself. I often go to restaurants alone. I enjoy having good food and service while I read a book or people watch. Enjoy!
But I hope you also treat yourself by discovering some ways to spend the evening in an environment where meeting people who could make an extended network of friends and acquaintances.
Sassy, you say the reason you can't leave him is because you love him. Yet you also say that you would leave him if you had someone else in your life. Maybe it would be more helpful for you to reframe your reasons for not leaving in a way that allows for change? Like "I can't leave him because right now he's the only tangible, in person, support I have outside work." or whatever the reason may be. Something that allows for the conditions to change?
Those CBT reframings sound silly sometimes. I used to bite my therapist's head off over them. But they do actually help, at least sometimes, over time.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 19, 2008, at 8:54:28
In reply to Re: Thank you all so much! Everything..... » sassyfrancesca, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2008, at 8:12:32
> That sounds like a nice treat for yourself. I often go to restaurants alone. I enjoy having good food and service while I read a book or people watch. Enjoy!
Thankyou, I will!
>
> But I hope you also treat yourself by discovering some ways to spend the evening in an environment where meeting people who could make an extended network of friends and acquaintances.I wish! As I said, I have a network of friends, but no one to hang out with.
>
> Sassy, you say the reason you can't leave him is because you love him. Yet you also say that you would leave him if you had someone else in your life. Maybe it would be more helpful for you to reframe your reasons for not leaving in a way that allows for change? Like "I can't leave him because right now he's the only tangible, in person, support I have outside work."Yes, it is the I love him AND the only other tangible support-person I have in my life!
or whatever the reason may be. Something that allows for the conditions to change?
>
> Those CBT reframings sound silly sometimes. I used to bite my therapist's head off over them. But they do actually help, at least sometimes, over time.I don't know anything about CBT, but what you said was true for me.
My t doesn't use a specific type of threrapy; I guess existential best describes it.
If it weren't for his personalizing our relationship; he IS the most brilliant man I've ever know; when he is professional.....wow.
Thankyou ((((Dinah)))!
hugs, Sassy
Posted by Phillipa on September 19, 2008, at 13:06:26
In reply to Re: Thank you all so much! Everything..... » Dinah, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 19, 2008, at 8:54:28
Well I waited til now to post and Sassy I know the feeling of being alone and the fears but also know that endorphins are created with love. Could you be depressed and this is keeping you out of it? Forgive me if I'm off target. Love Phillipa
Posted by susan47 on September 19, 2008, at 13:21:03
In reply to Re: Thank you all so much! Everything..... » Dinah, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 19, 2008, at 8:54:28
Your loving your T reflects that you're capable of loving yourself, but don't get caught up in loving him anymore, believe me when I tell you his interest is in himself only, he doesn't care two cr*ps about you, except as long as you feed his ego, which you do very well right now. You're feeding his ego and he's Loving it, and he might even start believing he has erotic feelings towards you, I think he's already convinced himself of that, it's obvious, isn't it Sassy? I mean, realistically, you've already said as much yourself, you don't trust him, do you? Do you? Because he can only be trusted as much as he trusts himself, and I'll bet that line is a fine one. I think possibly bringing in his reputation in the community, and his family, will turn him cold almost immediately. Bringing in any part of this thread and he has a brain and actually cares to look it up, will make him back off majorly. I think you know that too, maybe it will make you lose him, maybe it will make you two collaborate, maybe you'll have an affair ... as long as he wants it. Then he'll leave you to yourself, and you will have a lot of regrets to live with, and disappointments in yourself. Believe me, being wanted by someone like him is no great reward. Where is his Integrity?
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 19, 2008, at 13:45:11
In reply to Re: Thank you all so much! Everything....., posted by Phillipa on September 19, 2008, at 13:06:26
> ((((Philippa)))
Well I waited til now to post and Sassy I know the feeling of being alone and the fears but also know that endorphins are created with love. Could you be depressed and this is keeping you out of it?
I am not sure what you mean by "this keeping me out of it?
I sure am depressed (hate my job, wondering if I will ever get a higher paying one, HATE being alone, wondering what will happen when I tell my t I can't afford him anymore; the anniversayr of my church voting me out of membership (Sept. 29th) is approaching, and there is more, LOL, LOL
Fortunately, my sense of humor keeps me pretty sane!
Forgive me if I'm off target.
Oh, you don't need to be forgiven.....you are a sweetie!
Love, Sassy
Love Phillipa
Posted by fleeting flutterby on September 19, 2008, at 13:50:44
In reply to Re: Thank you all so much! Everything..... » sassyfrancesca, posted by susan47 on September 19, 2008, at 13:21:03
> Your loving your T reflects that you're capable of loving yourself, but don't get caught up in loving him anymore, believe me when I tell you his interest is in himself only, he doesn't care two cr*ps about you, except as long as you feed his ego, which you do very well right now. You're feeding his ego and he's Loving it, and he might even start believing he has erotic feelings towards you, I think he's already convinced himself of that, it's obvious, isn't it Sassy? I mean, realistically, you've already said as much yourself, you don't trust him, do you? Do you? Because he can only be trusted as much as he trusts himself, and I'll bet that line is a fine one. I think possibly bringing in his reputation in the community, and his family, will turn him cold almost immediately. Bringing in any part of this thread and he has a brain and actually cares to look it up, will make him back off majorly. I think you know that too, maybe it will make you lose him, maybe it will make you two collaborate, maybe you'll have an affair ... as long as he wants it. Then he'll leave you to yourself, and you will have a lot of regrets to live with, and disappointments in yourself. Believe me, being wanted by someone like him is no great reward. Where is his Integrity? <<
----I think what susan had to say here makes a lot of sense. I had an email friend and she was married and yet had an affair with her therapist-- she thought he LOVED her and she knew she loved him... and she went on and on to me how he is so attracted to her and yadda, yadda, yadda...... then he got caught-- and she soon found out how many other "special" clients he was seeing. It really messed her up bad. He lost his license in that state and blamed it on the clients and would never speak to my email friend again-- she was shattered-- to say the least.
Sassy-- please do self-care first. It would be so awful for you to be hurt. There's a saying-- "If he's doing it WITH you, he's probably doing it TO you"...... he may have 4, 5 or 6 other "Sassys" in his life to feed his ego..... please take kind and special care of YOU-- the most important person in this situation. *hearts* and more *hearts to you.
flutterby- mandy
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 19, 2008, at 14:39:34
In reply to Re: Thank you all so much! Everything..... » susan47, posted by fleeting flutterby on September 19, 2008, at 13:50:44
> > Your loving your T reflects that you're capable of loving yourself, but don't get caught up in loving him anymore, believe me when I tell you his interest is in himself only, he doesn't care two cr*ps about you, except as long as you feed his ego, which you do very well right now. You're feeding his ego and he's Loving it, and he might even start believing he has erotic feelings towards you, I think he's already convinced himself of that, it's obvious, isn't it Sassy? I mean, realistically, you've already said as much yourself, you don't trust him, do you? Do you? Because he can only be trusted as much as he trusts himself, and I'll bet that line is a fine one. I think possibly bringing in his reputation in the community, and his family, will turn him cold almost immediately. Bringing in any part of this thread and he has a brain and actually cares to look it up, will make him back off majorly. I think you know that too, maybe it will make you lose him, maybe it will make you two collaborate, maybe you'll have an affair ... as long as he wants it. Then he'll leave you to yourself, and you will have a lot of regrets to live with, and disappointments in yourself. Believe me, being wanted by someone like him is no great reward. Where is his Integrity? You are absolutely right, Susan!<<
>
> ----I think what susan had to say here makes a lot of sense. Yes.I had an email friend and she was married and yet had an affair with her therapist-- she thought he LOVED her and she knew she loved him... and she went on and on to me how he is so attracted to her and yadda, yadda, yadda...... then he got caught-- and she soon found out how many other "special" clients he was seeing. It really messed her up bad. He lost his license in that state and blamed it on the clients and would never speak to my email friend again-- she was shattered-- to say the least. I can only imagine.
>
> Sassy-- please do self-care first. It would be so awful for you to be hurt. There's a saying-- "If he's doing it WITH you, he's probably doing it TO you"...... he may have 4, 5 or 6 other "Sassys" in his life to feed his ego.Re: his ego; one night he said: "You don't love me anymore?!"
I don't think so (not because I dont want to; but it's a long story why I think that)
..... please take kind and special care of YOU-- the most important person in this situation. *hearts* and more *hearts to you.
>
> flutterby- mandyHugs and Love and *hearts" to you dear flutterby-Mandy!
>
>
Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 19, 2008, at 14:45:41
In reply to Re: Thank you all so much! Everything..... » sassyfrancesca, posted by susan47 on September 19, 2008, at 13:21:03
> Your loving your T reflects that you're capable of loving yourself, but don't get caught up in loving him anymore,
I wish I could stop.
believe me when I tell you his interest is in himself only, he doesn't care two cr*ps about you, except as long as you feed his ego, which you do very well right now. You're feeding his ego and he's Loving it, and he might even start believing he has erotic feelings towards you,
He does.
I think he's already convinced himself of that, it's obvious, isn't it Sassy? I mean, realistically, you've already said as much yourself, you don't trust him, do you? Do you?
When he has his professional hat on, he is amazing.
Because he can only be trusted as much as he trusts himself, and I'll bet that line is a fine one. I think possibly bringing in his reputation in the community, and his family, will turn him cold almost immediately. Bringing in any part of this thread and he has a brain and actually cares to look it up, will make him back off majorly. I think you know that too, maybe it will make you lose him, maybe it will make you two collaborate, maybe you'll have an affair ... as long as he wants it.
I don't think that would ever happen (naive, perhaps)
Then he'll leave you to yourself, and you will have a lot of regrets to live with, and disappointments in yourself. Believe me, being wanted by someone like him is no great reward. Where is his Integrity? Yup.
Anybody remember Jadah? She had a 5 year affair with her t.
Thanks, Susan!
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by susan47 on September 27, 2008, at 20:13:39
In reply to Re: Thank you all so much! Everything..... » susan47, posted by fleeting flutterby on September 19, 2008, at 13:50:44
> ----I think what susan had to say here makes a lot of sense. I had an email friend and she was married and yet had an affair with her therapist-- she thought he LOVED her and she knew she loved him... and she went on and on to me how he is so attracted to her and yadda, yadda, yadda...... then he got caught-- and she soon found out how many other "special" clients he was seeing. It really messed her up bad. He lost his license in that state and blamed it on the clients and would never speak to my email friend again-- she was shattered-- to say the least.
>
> Sassy-- please do self-care first. It would be so awful for you to be hurt. There's a saying-- "If he's doing it WITH you, he's probably doing it TO you"...... he may have 4, 5 or 6 other "Sassys" in his life to feed his ego..... please take kind and special care of YOU-- the most important person in this situation. *hearts* and more *hearts to you.
>
> flutterby- mandy
>
Good story, and rings true. I think about his character before anything developed in me, anything serious, that is, and even then, even long afterwards I always detected the flaw in his character, and it drove me crazy, absolutely nuts, that I could not trust this person I FELL IN LOVE WITH which is so hugely transferent, (word, sp?) and on top of that I was borderline, oh yes, oh darling YES it's all true and f*ck*ng, so f*ck*ng hugely sad, and he would never give me or the situation a second glance, because That is the Type of Man I believe he really is, it is all he's shown himself to be, and I am still standing in an Arctic breeze, chilled and cold to the bone.
I just wish for Life, again.
Posted by susan47 on September 27, 2008, at 20:18:59
In reply to Re: Thank you all so much! Everything..... » susan47, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 19, 2008, at 14:45:41
You mentioned Jada. What happened to her, tell me the truth as you know it, did she die?
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