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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 23:20:46
This therapy relationship is sooo hard...
I said goodbye to my T because I couldn't handle the transference/counter-transference. He got choked up and wouldn't say goodbye to me and asked me to call him.
He was so happy to hear from me when I called. I could tell and told me in so many words that he missed me a lot and wanted me to come back.
I felt strong enough so I went back but then we had a huge blowout because I confronted him about my frustrations with his mixed messages. He can't seem to admit to any personal feelings he's shared with me. It was bad, but we worked it out after much effort on both sides. I ended up feeling like he really cared about me as a person.
I feel so strong sometimes, knowing that I'm learning so much through him. Othertimes, I feel like I'm back to that "back and forth" confusion of "he cares/doesn't care about me".
I know I should terminate this relationship...but can't seem to fathom it. I never thought I would end up in this situation!
(I know this is messed up!) I started seeing another therapist on the side without my old T knowing about it. The new T thinks I stopped seeing the old T. I asked the new one if I could see the old T and he said "NO! He crossed boundaries and can no longer be helpful." He thought of it as an emotional abuse. I think I like the new T, but only had 2 sessions. It takes me awhile to trust. I'm hoping to transition to this new T...not sure it'll happen though.
I honestly feel like the old T does really bring up insights like no other...that's why I'm still with him. Even if it's difficult.
Well, I guess I'm going through one of my weak phases and just needing to share the craziness of it all. How messed up does my situation sound?
Posted by vwoolf on July 23, 2008, at 1:34:56
In reply to I left my T for 2 months...then caved...so hard, posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 23:20:46
Sounds like something I might be drawn to. In my case it would be repeating old patterns of incest with my father. Is there something of this in your past?
Posted by sassyfrancesca on July 23, 2008, at 7:19:12
In reply to I left my T for 2 months...then caved...so hard, posted by stellabystarlight on July 22, 2008, at 23:20:46
I relate so much, you cannot believe it. I know I should leave my t (of 5 years); I went to him for a problem like no one else has had (my church was wanting to kick me out for getting a divorce--long story; my t was recommended to me by a friend, because he is a pastor, also, and expert in spiritual abuse).
He has sexualized our relationship (no sex), but verbal innuedoes, and some touching. It is SUCH a long story. He is the only man in my life...after a 31-year abusive marriage (and divorce); I have been trying to find a male friend, but nothing so far (the dating sites....suck).
He has said: "If I were not married, I would probably go for it." "You are in my heart and in my head." Hundreds of other come-ons; my friends are furious with him.
He says he is "happily married." I think 1 of 2 things. Either he IS, and is exploiting (using) me, or he isn't, and struggling with his feelings towards me.
Either way isn't healthy for me.
Just venting!
Sassy
Posted by stellabystarlight on July 23, 2008, at 9:41:27
In reply to Re: I left my T for 2 months...then caved...so hard, posted by vwoolf on July 23, 2008, at 1:34:56
> Sounds like something I might be drawn to. In my case it would be repeating old patterns of incest with my father. Is there something of this in your past?
Thanks for responding Vwoolf. No, there was no incest, but a lot of instability in the family. May I ask which part of my mess you'd be drawn to? Seeing two therapists or not being able to leave? Thanks.
stellabystarlight
Posted by healing928 on July 23, 2008, at 20:39:15
In reply to Re: I left my T for 2 months...then caved..so hard » vwoolf, posted by stellabystarlight on July 23, 2008, at 9:41:27
I can really relate to what you are going through. I terminated my relationship with my t a few weeks ago. I went back to my old old t i had when i was younger. I called him when I was really upset with the other t when he was on vacation. My former t has had a lot going on this year, so his availability became limited and couldn't deal with all my transference crap. Anway, the old old t didn't want me to see the other t for our final, "wrap up session." It was a disaster. I did something really stupid, and I guess I wanted him to save me. He suggested we stay in contact, but hasn't responded to a few emails and a voicemail i left.
I had like my 4 sessions with my now new t; today I had a session and I really needed to talk about how much I am missing my former t and how it is affecting my quality of life, but totally chickened out. I brought my journal, but didnt even take it out of my purse. I put on a happy front because he sees me as one way and the other t sees me another. WHich gives me to two different diagnosis which has me totally confused.
Sorry I guess I should have started a new thread for this.
This is the end of the thread.
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