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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by raisinb on July 22, 2008, at 23:53:45
I've been thinking about something I experience when I'm in therapy. It probably sounds weird and I don't know if I'm expressing it clearly.
Do you guys ever feel like you and your therapist pass emotions back and forth? I'm not sure how to say it, but I often feel very intense stabs of emotion that don't feel like they're coming from me. And sometimes my therapist makes sudden, exaggerated movements, or says she can "feel" my sadness, when I am feeling very intensely, but hiding it. Like she is acting out what I am not showing, or vice versa. Or she says I sense her emotions. And sometimes it's like I go in feeling one way, but I am overwhelmed with something completely unexpected as soon as I sit down. And later it feels strange, like something I wouldn't necessarily feel on my own.
Is there a name for this? Projective identification, maybe--that I need clearer emotional boundaries? I know that people with my type of issues are supposed to have that defense, but I haven't ever been able to get my head around it. And from what I read, it's an interpersonal process that happens outside of both people's awareness.
I would like to understand what is happening, because it seems like a big part of my transference with her. But it is very murky. Anyone experience anything like this?
Posted by stellabystarlight on July 23, 2008, at 0:18:10
In reply to this might sound strange, posted by raisinb on July 22, 2008, at 23:53:45
It doesn't sound strange at all to me. What's strange is my T and I talked about this just last week. Funny you mention it.
I feel other people's emotions all the time so I don't even think too much about it, only when it's intense. I noticed it intensely with my t, and he thought it's because we have a deep connection and it goes both ways. I just accept it as part of life.
You must have the right therapist if you're experiencing this. :)
stellabystarlight
Posted by sassyfrancesca on July 23, 2008, at 7:59:12
In reply to Re: this might sound strange, posted by stellabystarlight on July 23, 2008, at 0:18:10
The ability too feel and relate to another human's emotions...a wonderful thing: Empathy.
Sassy
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2008, at 9:27:37
In reply to this might sound strange, posted by raisinb on July 22, 2008, at 23:53:45
I can "see" what my therapist is feeling, but I don't feel it myself.
I tend to react to what my therapist is feeling, but as a response, not by echoing it. And he definitely feels things in response to what I say I feel, not by echoing it.
He's not particularly good at detecting what I'm feeling, at least not directly. Over time he's learned my "tells".
I can definitely see where it could happen though. If you respond directly rather than indirectly to what you pick up from her.
Posted by sunnydays on July 23, 2008, at 10:20:55
In reply to this might sound strange, posted by raisinb on July 22, 2008, at 23:53:45
My T was talking about this last session, actually. How he's not just a blank slate sitting there. He was telling me that I need to know he cares about me and respects me (I was doubting this immensely and we had had some big transitions lately and a few little ruptures, so it was totally appropriate in context). And he said, "I'm not just a blank slate sitting there. I don't know if you believe in energy and stuff, but I sure do. And you're the recipient of my energy, it flows into you. You could come in here and take a nap and I think it would be helpful to you. And it's not something I mind at all [I constantly worry I'm a bother]". So yes, I think I know what you're talking about, and I do think it goes both ways, although I think I'm less aware of when I'm 'sending' energy to him.
sunnydays
Posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2008, at 10:32:33
In reply to Re: this might sound strange » raisinb, posted by sunnydays on July 23, 2008, at 10:20:55
My former T called it one unconscious speaking to another.
gg
Posted by Phillipa on July 23, 2008, at 12:25:59
In reply to Re: It's called: Empathy, posted by sassyfrancesca on July 23, 2008, at 7:59:12
Sassy exactly what I was going to say it's stepping into the other persons shoes so you almost feel a fusion that you are that person. I've experienced this when nursing a patient I just almost became her as I felt so deeply her pain and knew it was real. Phillipa
Posted by raisinb on July 23, 2008, at 22:34:39
In reply to this might sound strange, posted by raisinb on July 22, 2008, at 23:53:45
Thanks guys. It's hard to figure out whether this is something to work on, or not. We've talked about how I tend to take on others' emotions and take care of them instead of me.
On the other hand, I love the intensity of the connection. It's too much for me to handle mostly, which is partly why I have so much trouble opening up in therapy. It is scary. And not subject to rational analysis.
Posted by FindingMyDesire on July 27, 2008, at 20:20:29
In reply to this might sound strange, posted by raisinb on July 22, 2008, at 23:53:45
Hi raisinb,
Sounds like super ripe material to me. *grin* Seems like it would be great to bring it up in the moment (if possible) when you think you sense or feel her emotions and hopefully have a discussion about the boundary between you and gain some reassurance from her that you are only responsible for your own emotions. I would hope that would create an even more intense connection between the two of you - empathetic while separate.
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