![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2008, at 12:34:39
Anyone think it would be a good idea to set short term goals about any issues you may be experiencing in your life. I will start by trying to listen more to others. Love Phillipa Only problem is it would be like a conversation and if I responded after listening would this be considered excessive posting? One goal and one question. I feel they do tie together.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 8, 2008, at 13:48:39
In reply to Who Would Like To Set Short Term Goals For Behavio, posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2008, at 12:34:39
Hi Phillipa,
First, I think setting short term behavioral goals is admirable. Studies show that setting and monitoring goals often does result in improvement. Make sure it's measurable, though. "More" is kind of hard to measure.Second, I think that as long as you are following the rules, you should post in a way that most benefits you. If anyone else has a problem with it, try to remember that it's their problem and not yours. It's up to them to deal with it, not up to you to change. At least as far as I'm concerned, anyway...
Take care,
gg
Posted by AbbieNormal on July 8, 2008, at 18:35:32
In reply to Who Would Like To Set Short Term Goals For Behavio, posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2008, at 12:34:39
If YOU want to change, fine. Go for it. Personal growth is a wonderful process. I'm going to try it some day.
But, I agree with GG. If anyone has a problem with your posts....they don't have to read them. Your posts don't jump off our screens and smack us in the eyeballs. We actually have to move our cursor over there, and click on them. We have to make that effort. It is a decision I make to read or not read. If a poster is getting on my nerves, I don't have to read his/her posts. It works.
Take care,
Abbie
Posted by llurpsienoodle on July 8, 2008, at 19:13:51
In reply to Re: Who Would Like To Set Short Term Goals For Behavio » Phillipa, posted by AbbieNormal on July 8, 2008, at 18:35:32
Short term goal: to get exercise (even a short walk) every day. That's a behavioral goal measurable- every day for 7 days. In a first-person present-tense affirmation:
"I will take a walk or exercise every day between now and next Tuesday"
An affective goal might be to experience anxiety only 5 days a week instead of 7. currently experiencing psychomotor agitation every evening, particularly after any sedative (alcohol, benzodiazepines).
A life goal that I've been doing is to make a to-do list every evening, every day when I get to work and every morning. It reduces a lot of anxiety and paralysis.
-Ll
Posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2008, at 19:25:48
In reply to Me !!! MEE!!!!, posted by llurpsienoodle on July 8, 2008, at 19:13:51
GG and Abbie I appreciate that thanks so much as I see others posting even more and no one seems to care. Love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2008, at 19:32:13
In reply to Me !!! MEE!!!!, posted by llurpsienoodle on July 8, 2008, at 19:13:51
Li didn't you decide not to work full time? Is it the coffee shop? And seriously how can you manage to only feel anxiety five out of seven days this confuses me. Love Phillipa
Posted by llurpsienoodle on July 8, 2008, at 19:46:47
In reply to Re: Me !!! MEE!!!! » llurpsienoodle, posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2008, at 19:32:13
I got a new job and had to ditch the old job. was working too much. the new job is SOOO much better
anxiety is nearly everyday. gonna ask pdoc for a fix.
-Ll
Posted by gardenergirl on July 8, 2008, at 19:55:30
In reply to Re: Who Would Like To Set Short Term Goals For Behavio » Phillipa, posted by AbbieNormal on July 8, 2008, at 18:35:32
> Your posts don't jump off our screens and smack us in the eyeballs.
Snort! I love it!
gg
Posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2008, at 20:08:29
In reply to Re: Me !!! MEE!!!! » Phillipa, posted by llurpsienoodle on July 8, 2008, at 19:46:47
Li that's great and you're enjoying it even better. Boy if you find the answer to the five days a week of anxiety would you let me know I could sure use a break. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on July 9, 2008, at 11:06:18
In reply to Who Would Like To Set Short Term Goals For Behavio, posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2008, at 12:34:39
I could use setting some for work, or for food.
And I think you were setting some for independence?
I agree with the others. I wouldn't worry about your posting behavior unless it bothers *you*. Whatever is acceptable under the civility guidelines is acceptable on Babble.
If you want to work on interpersonal skills without thinking of yourself as being "bad" right now, that's not a bad goal. I do that nearly all the time, directly or indirectly, at Babble. But definitely not from the starting point that you're doing anything wrong.
One thing I've learned from Babble, an interpersonal skill I've improved if not mastered, is that not everyone is going to like me. That was really really hard for me. I used to think that because I meant well, and meant no harm to anyone, that people *should* recognize that and *should* like me. After years of battling with my therapist about the belief, I finally started to let go of it. I realized that it's not the end of the world if some people like me and some don't. It's even not the end of the world if some people detest me. If everyone detested me, that might be different.
I think I should start teaching that to my son. :)
"Not everyone is going to like you, no matter what a delightful young man you are. And that's... ok."(There was a hilarious "Mad About You" episode about that.)
Now, all of that being said, and meant, there were some behaviors I exhibited that were not really in my best interests, or likely to improve my interpersonal relationships with others. In learning to modulate those behaviors, I did in fact start having a reduction in reactions that distressed me, and without in any way being untrue to myself. I'm absolutely positive there are old time Babblers who will recognize some of the ways I've changed.
I'm not entirely sure that's something that could be considered a short term goal. It took years and years of therapy with my therapist alternately validating me and gently pointing out why I was getting the reactions I was getting, then validating me again before I could get too upset and set up impenetrable defenses.
Posted by Phillipa on July 9, 2008, at 18:34:41
In reply to Re: Who Would Like To Set Short Term Goals For Beh » Phillipa, posted by Dinah on July 9, 2008, at 11:06:18
Dinah that is a good goal for me as I'm a people pleaser and if someone gets mad at me I'm devastated and take ito real life. I think being a nurse set this pattern as patients all liked me as I tended to their needs before my own. Thanks guys you're all so special. Love Phillipa
Posted by Lucie Lu on July 9, 2008, at 19:33:16
In reply to Who Would Like To Set Short Term Goals For Behavio, posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2008, at 12:34:39
Oh Philippa, where to start??? ;)
Short-term, I guess I'm working on two. The first is to exercise and take better care of myself (find me a parent who this isn't an issue for)... The second is to stop procrastinating and making better choices as to how I spend my time. I get soooo bogged down sometimes I just can't get anything done at all. I would love to manage my time more effectively so I could do more of what I want without feelng guilty and worried about the things I need to do but haven't done. Not expecting miracles here, just a little improvement would be lovely!
This was an interesting idea, Philppa - sort of a behavioral Weight-Watchers! (lol) Thanks for starting it.
Lucie
Posted by Phillipa on July 9, 2008, at 19:40:21
In reply to Re: Who Would Like To Set Short Term Goals For Behavio, posted by Lucie Lu on July 9, 2008, at 19:33:16
Dinah deserves credit as she suggested this type of thread on social. I thought it was a great idea hence it's here. Phillipa ps now we need an online psychologist anyone want to volunteer?
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.