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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on February 23, 2008, at 1:14:42
I think it is really hard to have a great session and then feel the good feelings slip away a little at a time. I can't seem to hang on to the connection for very long. Plus real contact with my dad last weekend left me rattled.
There is a younger part of me that is very scared and angry still. Her stories are the worst - I told one on Thursday and saw tears in my therapist's eyes. I said I felt bad for making him sad but he said it was OK for him to feel sad with me. He wanted to know if there was any way for him to be with me in these memories, like he was with me last week in the rocking chair. I struggled to think of a way - because silly as it sounds, I didn't want him there to "see" what happened. His idea is to empower me and take away the feeling of being utterly abandoned by everyone.He asked me what I did to "escape" when I was so trapped as a little girl. I blushed and made him promise not to laugh -- and then told him that I used to imagine myself inside the books I was reading. I'd get into the story - like imagine myself in as a real character joining the ones I was reading about. I felt safe hidden in the book. He said he could be there - inside those pages - hiding but I would know he was with me. I teased him about feeling cramped and small - he said, "I love books - and I love rocking chairs. So far we are batting two for two." And then together we picked the book that he would "hide" in. So if I get disrupted or anxious over the weekend, I can really imagine where he is and feel him with me.
The really weird thing is that when I visualize this, I find that I've changed it from what we worked on. I'm now telling him the story of the book - we are both in the book - but I'm telling him the story so in my visualization we don't belong to the book - we are in it together. But it worked for the most part today. I managed to feel more safe and anchored than yesterday.
I'm trying to keep the part of my mind that is screaming, "this is stupid" quiet. I begin to feel silly - like, what the heck am I doing?
My therapist would say, "whatever works!"
Posted by Fallsfall on February 23, 2008, at 7:58:32
In reply to New idea, posted by Daisym on February 23, 2008, at 1:14:42
>My therapist would say, "whatever works!"
What a smart man.
I think it is brilliant. This is a way for him to be close to you, so you don't have to feel so alone. What could be wrong with that?
You are doing a great job of letting him help.
Love,
Falls
Posted by MissK on February 23, 2008, at 8:08:32
In reply to New idea, posted by Daisym on February 23, 2008, at 1:14:42
I went through a period where I used alot of visualisation. For me, I did not have my T in those or just barely and minimally, mostly I would recall her words and the things she helped me understand as I visualised. The visualisations changed alot, according to what I needed to process I guess. Now, I find I don't need to do it as much and alot of them are gone.
As for feeling silly, yes, it can feel that way. It is your rational mind that is pointing out to you that what you are doing and seeing is not really real, if you know what I mean. But from experience I know they help and work in helping to resolve what it is you need to resolve.
Allow them to change and let them help you understand and feel what it is that you need. And talk about them too with your T. Probably one of the nicest surprises I've had in talking with my T is to be able to tell her of my visualisations. I thought she might think I was really 'out there', instead she made me feel okay to be able to talk about them and encouraged me to make the make the connections of what was going on and provided her ever valuable psychological connections and explanations.
Posted by Phillipa on February 23, 2008, at 12:05:59
In reply to Re: New idea » Daisym, posted by MissK on February 23, 2008, at 8:08:32
If it's working it's an excellent idea for you ar this time in your life. Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on February 23, 2008, at 23:23:45
In reply to New idea, posted by Daisym on February 23, 2008, at 1:14:42
Daisym, I really want to respond to this post but need time to think about it. My brain is having some issues right now.
I just want to say I understand and I will post more. I wanted to support you too.
I do think you have a great therapist :)
rsk
Posted by star008 on February 24, 2008, at 7:14:55
In reply to New idea, posted by Daisym on February 23, 2008, at 1:14:42
daisy.
i t sounds like you are making progress as painful as it might be,. I made my T cry too.. I was kind of puzzled. it is like he feels how sad it is and I "know" it is but don't feel it. i can't think of a safe place to hide,, I didn't go to books.. I just went numb.
Posted by antigua3 on February 25, 2008, at 15:43:09
In reply to New idea, posted by Daisym on February 23, 2008, at 1:14:42
When I was little girl, the books and the library were my refuge. I remember going back two Saturdays in a row to finish "The Secret Garden," and I, too, always wanted to be a part of those characters. "Little Women" too--I always wanted to be/acted like Jo.
love the idea, keep it up!
antigua
Posted by rskontos on February 26, 2008, at 15:04:41
In reply to New idea, posted by Daisym on February 23, 2008, at 1:14:42
Today Daisym, I went feeling really bad to my therapy session, I have switched way to much the last few sessions. Even passed out the last time. I had two different ones out last session. And this time, as I entered I felt just like I had the last time I passed out. I felt the switch driving over. I was not totally gone but gone enough to barely feel there. And this is one I am not comfortable at all with being out. When I got there he said you had a hard time getting here, I said yes, I don't know who the real me is. I think the real me was killed off years ago by my family and this is all that is left. Fragments. He proceeded to talk me out of this. To show me how I was wrong. All in all I left in better shape. but alas I am having a hard time hanging on to that. My fragments come back, and the good feelings leave me. I still am replaying the session over in my head but it is just hard to keep going on with it.
So yes you are so right. It is hard to feel it slip away. It is nice to know you can feel that way, and harder to feel it leaving.
rsk
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