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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 21:26:08
For our thirteenth anniversary.
But now I think I'll give him a river stone I've had for many years. And tell him why. :)
I've already got in mind my termination gift, should I ever give one. He tells me the story sometimes about the Buddha under the bodhi tree. And I'd like to give him something along those lines.
Posted by muffled on January 13, 2008, at 21:51:27
In reply to I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 21:26:08
Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 23:11:56
In reply to Wow. Cool. (nm) » Dinah, posted by muffled on January 13, 2008, at 21:51:27
Yeah, it is. Only I don't want to wait for our anniversary, which isn't until April 3. It means something now. It might mean less then.
It's just a little rock. I should be able to share it with him early. :)
Clearly I haven't worked on patience enough.
Posted by frida on January 14, 2008, at 8:34:31
In reply to Re: Wow. Cool. » muffled, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 23:11:56
That's wonderful..I'd give it to him now, that you feel it's meaningful...
it's nice to give them little bits of ourselves...i gave my T a starfish that i found when i was a little girl.let us know if you give it to him..
Frida
Posted by vwoolf on January 14, 2008, at 9:07:42
In reply to I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 21:26:08
Dinah that's the first time I've ever seen you mention termination as a real possibility? Has something shifted?
Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 9:20:56
In reply to Re: I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift » Dinah, posted by vwoolf on January 14, 2008, at 9:07:42
I think something has shifted, if only because I can post that without hyperventilating, retracting it, or putting in a dozen offsets to the fates.
Although I should put at least one in. Fates, that doesn't mean I'm ready to lose him.
But I think that's as far as I need to go right now. Even admitting the possibility is a huge thing for me. And I'm not even sure it's a positive thing.
Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 9:25:10
In reply to Re: Wow. Cool., posted by frida on January 14, 2008, at 8:34:31
I think I remember that! Did she receive the gift as it was intended and understand its significance?
Posted by muffled on January 14, 2008, at 10:47:49
In reply to Re: I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift » vwoolf, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 9:20:56
LOL! So give him the rock, I think he will understand.
You seem to be making great strides somehow Dinah. Did you figger exactly what shifted?
I get up for awhile, and I too have been doing better. For me I think the key has been 'acceptance'.
Do you know wassup for you?
I am SO happy for you !
M
Posted by Phillipa on January 14, 2008, at 12:54:51
In reply to Re: I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift, posted by muffled on January 14, 2008, at 10:47:49
Dinah time to talk about the rock and what it could possibly represent a solidification of yourself? I really don't know what your issues were just an I thought. Phillipa
Posted by Poet on January 14, 2008, at 15:10:05
In reply to I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 21:26:08
Hi Dinah,
Maybe give him the stone now and tell him that you couldn't wait for your actual anniversary? Or instead of a termination gift (think positive here, the only t word is therapy) you could give him the stone now, and a buddah for your anniversary gift.
In any case I think the stone is very thoughtful and he will appreciate it whenever you give it to him.
Poet
Posted by muffled on January 14, 2008, at 16:07:12
In reply to I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 21:26:08
Dinah, do you think you would ever actually terminate, or would you keep in touch?
I know there's a few babblers who have gone abck to T's after many years of not needing them.
So mebbe termination is not such a good word.
More like slowing down, and mebbe even taking a break.
Just my thots,
M
Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 16:27:17
In reply to Re: I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift » Dinah, posted by Poet on January 14, 2008, at 15:10:05
Unfortunately, I haven't located that gift yet. I've been looking, but nothing seems right. Especially when you factor in all those therapy rules about value.
But I don't particularly want to get in the habit of an anniversary gift, so it wouldn't bother me overly much to not give him one. It's way too much pressure and too much chance for discomfort. When I gave him a small something at ten, I told him maybe again at fifteen or twenty. :) Then I couldn't resist on twelve a dozen mums that looked like daisies. It was such a small and disposable thing.
Do others give anniversary gifts?
Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 16:33:07
In reply to Re: I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift » Dinah, posted by muffled on January 14, 2008, at 16:07:12
Mentioning the possibility is more than enough for me right now. I don't even want to think about what it would look like. I could say that I'd go in once in a while, and I might. But it wouldn't be the same. Once a week isn't even the same as twice a week. Once every once in a while... I'm not sure it would be any better than never for me.
When I was going to move, we talked about phone sessions. But we both knew that it wouldn't work. I think seeing him occasionally would be the same thing. We'd say it in order to ease the discomfort, but we wouldn't really.
People tend not to. Even the best of friends move away and say they'll be in touch. Everyone leaves, and leaving is always more final than we like to think. Life moves on, and without the other person moving along with you, you just drift apart. Getting together again is just painful and awkward.
Or maybe it's just me. Maybe people just don't keep in touch with me.
Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 20:09:51
In reply to Re: I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift » muffled, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 16:33:07
I should add that my assessment is based a lot on who I am and who he is. I'm sure it's more than possible for others.
Posted by muffled on January 16, 2008, at 13:07:55
In reply to Re: I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift » muffled, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 16:33:07
Posted by spalding on January 18, 2008, at 23:57:06
In reply to I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift, posted by Dinah on January 13, 2008, at 21:26:08
This amazes me. Both my pdoc and my therapist have told me they cannot accept any gift whatsoever due to ethics issues.
Two other therapists I have had in other states have said the same.
I have very warm and extremely open relationships with both my current pdoc and therapist. I wouldn't dream of giving them gifts, nor receiving anything from either of them, due to the intensity of the relationships.
Is gift-giving and such between THERAPIST/DOCTOR and PATIENT really as common as this board suggests?
I don't want to appear that needy -- "accept my gift, its significance and my depth, please!"
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2008, at 9:28:25
In reply to Re: I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift, posted by spalding on January 18, 2008, at 23:57:06
In the end I forgot to bring it.
And I would definitely say I was not doing it from a needy standpoint. I feel rather hurt when I read that. But I think I'm feeling rather hurt a lot here lately so I just as well leave off posting for a bit.
It's not needy to want to share something with someone you care about and who cares about you.
My therapist and I have discussed his gift policy. We discussed it theoretically long before I ever brought him a gift. And in nearly thirteen years I've given him one small anniversary gift and one bunch of twelve chrysanthemums on our twelth anniversary. I may have been needy during much of our therapeutic relationship, but I don't express it with gifts. If I want to beg him to accept me, I'll do it with words. If I want to share its significance, I'm not begging anything. I know he will. And he knows my depth, or lack thereof. He's known me thirteen years for cripes sake. I'm not going to tell him anything with a gift he doesn't know intimately already.
My real gifts to him aren't objects. Any objects I give him are merely representations of those gifts.
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 19, 2008, at 11:00:23
In reply to Re: I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift, posted by spalding on January 18, 2008, at 23:57:06
> that needy
Keeping in mind that the idea here is not to post anything that could lead others to feel put down, could you please rephrase that?
But please don't take this personally, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
I encourage anyone who has questions about this or about posting policies in general, or is interested in alternative ways of expressing themselves, to see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by frida on January 19, 2008, at 13:02:39
In reply to Re: I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift, posted by spalding on January 18, 2008, at 23:57:06
hi,
i don't think it shows you are "needy" to give a gift.
it all depends on the T relationship and your feelings.
I've given my T a lot of gifts in the 8 years I've seen her. Usually hand-made things or meaningful things I want to share with her.
Giving something that is meaningful to you, to someone you care about (and someone who cares about you) can be a precious thing for both.
My T has been grateful when I've given her something that i made for her.Different t's have different gift-giving policies. I'm glad my T accepts gifts and feels grateful when i give her something.
Frida
Posted by Phillipa on January 19, 2008, at 19:22:46
In reply to Re: I wasn't planning to get my therapist a gift, posted by spalding on January 18, 2008, at 23:57:06
I used to give a Christmas gift to all my pdocs. Thought a nice way to show I thought of them. Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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