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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 9:25:40
Friday's session was great. I'll add confessor/penitant to our list of roles. In talking to him I realized why I was so upset about something and he helped me feel so much better about it.
So maybe my expectations were a bit high. For work reasons it was more difficult than usual to manage to see him yesterday, so again maybe expectations were a bit high.
There was nothing wrong with the session. He was awake, adopted an attitude of receptive interest, and when he realized I was upset, did everything he could do ascertain and correct whatever lack of therapeutic attunement had caused my distress.
I really don't know anything that happened that would cause the very strong feelings I'm feeling. I suspect he forgot why I was so grateful to him for Friday, which is annoying but certainly not without precedent. We talked of silence in therapy, which perhaps made me a bit more aware of the silences. We didn't quite agree on the worth of silence.
He mentioned his surprise at the fact that I stayed with him through over a year of his not really being present after Katrina, saying he was surprised that anyone would put up with that for so long. For some reason that rankled, but certainly was not a cause for rage. Somehow we stumbled across the topic of his short term therapy techniques. I had assumed that they were the same as when I started seeing him, but he laughed and said that was a long time ago and he hoped he'd grown as a therapist since them. He says that a lot of his work centers on being a nonanxious presence (which I need to look up because it sounds like a phrase from a school of thought). He says that he sees his main role with me as being a nonanxious presence.
That was pretty much it. There was nothing to incite anger, much less make me wish to cancel next session and all future sessions and tell him I'll contact him if I feel any need for his services. He was all that was right and proper and warm and empathetic and professional.
Posted by rskontos on December 19, 2007, at 10:48:30
In reply to I am filled with rage. For no good reason., posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 9:25:40
Dinah, I am reading a book, Coping with trauma and according to it sometimes emotions can be brought on for no good reason. that is a fight/flight response. Or a suppressed memory. It is deep within the brain that evokes the response. I believe that sometimes it is irrational our response with anger. I mean the reason is unknown to us. Maybe hormonal maybe a suppressed memory. Maybe deep within his attitude reminded you deeply of some other situtation and that is the anger. I do this, and I know my anger is not appropriate to the situation and what do you do with it. Because it doesn't sound like he did anything wrong. Maybe like you say your expectations were just too high and maybe he awoke a beast within. Maybe you are mad he forgot something and that reminds you of someone you don't like.
it is often hard to understand these responses. But at least you are trying to deal with them rationally and with his help. How do you feel about silence that he did not agree with. I don't like silence in therapy since I do that well on my own....LOL I don' want to pay to do something I already do well. especially since I don't have many skills I do well already and therapy is suppose to be helping with that.
He was all those things but he did forget something you suspect. Maybe that was the trigger.
take care...rk
Posted by muffled on December 19, 2007, at 12:12:26
In reply to I am filled with rage. For no good reason., posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 9:25:40
Oh Dinah....
What can I say?...emotions SUCK.
I think you have struggled long with your "T relationship".
I think it has its ups and downs...
I wonder that you two have been together for so long that its possible that unknowingly you two have some dynamics going on that neither of you even realize.
I wonder...maybe you have something comming up inside of you and this is a 'testing phase' you are going thru? I do that. I doubt and test my T like crazy sometimes.
Maybe you could take your post in to him?
Maybe its not about him, but he's just where you are putting your anger on?(like me loving to hate Bob...)
It seems it could be so many things....
Chirstmas is hard at best...
End of year business stuff is hard at best...
Keep posting if you can Dinah, maybe something someone writes will twig your brain to help you better understand stuff.
Hang in there. Take good care.
M
Posted by fallsfall on December 19, 2007, at 14:47:44
In reply to I am filled with rage. For no good reason., posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 9:25:40
>He mentioned his surprise at the fact that I stayed with him through over a year of his not really being present after Katrina, saying he was surprised that anyone would put up with that for so long. For some reason that rankled, but certainly was not a cause for rage.
No, but not being present after Katrina is cause for rage.
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 14:51:01
In reply to Re: I am filled with rage. For no good reason., posted by rskontos on December 19, 2007, at 10:48:30
My childhood might have been stressful, but it wasn't traumatic. Usually, eventually, I can figure in myout what's bothering me. I suspect I even am beginning to have an inkling, just from the way I'm phrasing things.
His forgetfulness is not charming, but I have certainly grown used to it and it isn't likely to cause strong feelings in me.
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 14:52:42
In reply to Re: I am filled with rage. For no good reason., posted by fallsfall on December 19, 2007, at 14:47:44
I somehow suspect that getting back to normal is even a bigger cause for rage...
Why is it that in the end we're always the ones who pay for their lapses?
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 14:54:05
In reply to Re: I am filled with rage. For no good reason. » Dinah, posted by muffled on December 19, 2007, at 12:12:26
I think there *are* some dynamics going on that we aren't really aware of. Maybe it's about time that I face up to them.
Posted by muffled on December 19, 2007, at 18:21:29
In reply to Re: I am filled with rage. For no good reason. » muffled, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 14:54:05
Does T truly help you much Dinah?
Is it worth the money?
Maybe you guys know each other too well.
Theres not the theraputic 'distance'.
You know all his moves.....
Sorry this is so hard to face for you Dinah.
Whatever it is going on.
But maybe it will be good to face whatever and get it over with, cuz its been brewing awhile methinks....
Maybe its time.
Hang in there. Sometimes things are so hard, but then it gets better for a time.
Your a smart woman Dinah, you will figger this out.
Be kind to yourself.
You deserve some kindness.
M
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 18:30:07
In reply to Re: I am filled with rage. For no good reason. » Dinah, posted by muffled on December 19, 2007, at 18:21:29
I think maybe I was overtired. I just woke up and everything is blurry.
Posted by muffled on December 19, 2007, at 20:26:07
In reply to Re: I am filled with rage. For no good reason. » muffled, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 18:30:07
Get a doc check up as need be OK?
Thinking bout you...
M
Posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 21:05:55
In reply to (((Dinah)))be safe » Dinah, posted by muffled on December 19, 2007, at 20:26:07
Thanks, Muffled. I was up extra early the last couple of days for work, and I don't do waking early well.
I did hear from my doctor today though. He's adding another medication to lower my blood sugar. Unfortunately he's already added the one he proposed, so the nurse is going to check to see if that means he needs to add yet something else. Or I could lose weight. :(((
Posted by rskontos on December 20, 2007, at 12:13:47
In reply to Re: (((Dinah)))be safe » muffled, posted by Dinah on December 19, 2007, at 21:05:55
Dinah, I didn't get my point across very well and for that I am sorry and today I have no words. so I will just agree with Muffled and say be safe. rsk
Posted by Dinah on December 20, 2007, at 14:33:51
In reply to Re: (((Dinah)))be safe » Dinah, posted by rskontos on December 20, 2007, at 12:13:47
I'm sorry. I must not have expressed myself well in answering you. I was really really sleepy yesterday and really talking aloud.
I called my therapist to cancel our remaining sessions for the year. There are legitimate reasons for doing that related to my schedule. I haven't heard back from him so I assume he's ok with it.
I'm just a bit overwhelmed right now. I'm sorry if that made me sound short. I didn't mean to convey that at all, and I wasn't thinking it.
Posted by rskontos on December 20, 2007, at 16:26:41
In reply to Re: (((Dinah)))be safe » rskontos, posted by Dinah on December 20, 2007, at 14:33:51
No you were not short. I just did not get my point across after I re-read my post and today my words are not coming out right so I will try again maybe. But tonight I have therapy and tomorrow I go see a p-doc and I have lots of scared people in my head.
I understand though. I have been angry and crying today at a all-time high that isn't appropriate. so what do I know at this moment in time. not much i am afraid.
you stay safe and i will try to do the same. my anxiety is very high. i am trying to stay busy.
later gator. rsk
Posted by annierose on December 21, 2007, at 4:15:09
In reply to Re: (((Dinah)))be safe » rskontos, posted by Dinah on December 20, 2007, at 14:33:51
I haven't been reading the last few days and you sound so discouraged and overwhelmed in your post. These are the hard appointments to keep - but it's so critical to try to push through and see him if at all possible. These feelings need to be heard, understood and worked with.
The holidays for me are filled with so many unrealistic expectations that I try to remind myself that I am only one person and can only do so many things. Be kind and gentle to yourself.
I hope you wake up feeling lighter in spirit. Focus on your son, he will bring a warm feeling to you.
Posted by Dinah on December 21, 2007, at 12:50:31
In reply to Re: (((Dinah)))be safe » Dinah, posted by annierose on December 21, 2007, at 4:15:09
I'm enjoying Christmas this year, which doesn't help my work any I suppose. I'm making room for family time.
In some ways I think I'm doing better than I have in years and years. In the ways I'm doing less well, I think I'll always do less well.
Losing weight would definitely help. I'm having my diabetes medications doubled, but at least no insulin yet.
I'm not sure it wouldn't be a good thing to get past the hump of missing my therapist and fade away the sessions. But it won't be this time I guess. After I called to confirm that the remaining sessions for this year were cancelled, and I'd call him mid January, I got all upset and called him to whine and whimper. So for the moment I'm back stuck fast. I can't help but think that if only I had the resolution to stick it out for a few weeks or months, it wouldn't be important to see him anymore.
This is the end of the thread.
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