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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 12:34:18
I told you in chat the other night that my therapist had been really nice to me lately, and that I wasn't sure I liked it because I hadn't earned it. And that being rewarded or compensated with niceness was good to me, but that niceness out of the blue made me feel uncomfortable.
And you said that maybe I needed to learn to accept the unearned sort as well.
It was really really hard for me to talk about this with my therapist, for some reason. And I characteristically left it to the last ten minutes. I told him what I said and what you said. Interestingly, he also seemed to find it hard to talk about and changed the subject even though I had indicated that it was something I wanted to talk about. When I pointed that out, he said that he thought you were right. That I needed to learn more about grace. He said that I might understand grace intellectually but that I didn't understand it experientially.
Anyway, I wanted to thank you for bringing to my attention something that I had mostly dismissed in myself. I have a feeling that there's meat in the issue.
I hope I didn't make him feel self conscious about being nice though. :)
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 18:03:05
In reply to Honore, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 12:34:18
He was nice again. I had told him I was in suuuch a good mood Saturday night that I had wanted to call him and share that I was happy. Happy!
He said next time to go ahead and call. That calling to tell him I was very happy would have not been an intrusion at all. That if he answered it would be because it wasn't inconvenient to do so, and that if he didn't I could leave a message.
I'm not sure I would take him up on it, but I think I liked that he responded that way.
Posted by Daisym on March 28, 2007, at 12:50:26
In reply to Oh and..., posted by Dinah on March 27, 2007, at 18:03:05
I think this is a hard thing for many people, to accept as gracefully as we give. So many of us wait for the shoe to drop -- we believe there must be a reason that someone is "just" being nice to us. In fact, my best friends and I have an agreement that we won't be "nice" to each other, unless someone is seriously in trouble or dying. The sarcasm and insults stay in place through almost everything. Sounds weird but it is our way of letting the other person know that we believe they will make it through...
I'm currently in a huge dilema with my therapist about showing him the happy, competent parts of me. It is hard not to believe if he sees these things that he will expect me to be that way always. Or he will like me better like this. But I also want him to see these things and know that I'm not a complete mess 24/7.
It's about balance, isn't it? I'm glad your therapist answered you the way he did. I hope, also, that he doesn't feel weird about being nice. You deserve it. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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