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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by youngaddict on January 12, 2007, at 17:50:36
ok.
so i have been having these "transference" issues with my T and I have found out where she lived and drove by on a few occasions..(ok maybe more than a few) and i know its unhealthy and blah blah blah. BUTits how i feel.
so last week i posted because my T had given away our regular time and could only see me once. it was for friday but i couldn't wait so i called her and asked to come on wednesday. she didn't call me back for four days and that was only after i called her again to ask her.
so i go to my apt wednesday and she starts on the fact that i am still getting high and how its unproductive to whatever we are doing in therapy and that she will still see me thats not what shes saying but that i am wasting my time basically. in nicer words. i was CRUSHED. i felt like i had disapointed her and all i could think of was to go home and get high and cut myself. i didn't cut, but i did get high.
it doesn't end there though--i have become obsessed with her other patients..does she like them better, does she talk to them..etc... when i came early on wednesday she ended up running late and i sat there for 20 minutes listening to her talk . i mean there was a sound machine on and it was mumbled but i could her voice and it sounded differnt than when she talks to me.and THEN after I left another girl was coming in and she was like "HI!! so and so" and whenever she sees me she averts her eyes and sometimes doesn't say anything. WTF?
and to top it off she gave away my scheduled time again next week.
MOTHERF_ER.
Posted by youngaddict on January 12, 2007, at 20:00:48
In reply to more T stuff...(again).. i feel rejected, posted by youngaddict on January 12, 2007, at 17:50:36
i need help! i need some guidance some kind words some love some simliar expereinces, some anything because rightnow i feel so alone in this world and i sometimes just wish i would curl up in bed and die....
sorry feeling depressed but really dependent on others responses.
Posted by annierose on January 12, 2007, at 20:45:20
In reply to more T stuff...(again).. i feel rejected, posted by youngaddict on January 12, 2007, at 17:50:36
I don't know how to respond but I wanted to let you know I read your post and hear how painful therapy is for you right now.
Projection is dangerous. The fact is, you don't truly know how your therapist feels about her other clients. It's so easy for us to assume that they like their other clients better. I've been there too. (I even had my regular appointment time bumped for another client which made me angry for a long long time).
But the therapy-client relationship is just that -a relationship. It is a private and professional relationship between two people. It definitely has different rules than other relationships and boundaries too, but you should be able to talk about anything with your therapist - including how mad you are that she gave your time to someone else. I talked about that with my t for WEEKS! (Of course her point-of-view was entirely different than mine and we did work it out).
The only way to know what she is thinking is to ask. I hope you try. It's hard. But worth it.
Posted by youngaddict on January 12, 2007, at 20:48:31
In reply to Re: more T stuff...(again).. i feel rejected » youngaddict, posted by annierose on January 12, 2007, at 20:45:20
i'm really scared to fully open up to her. its not her persay, i am that way with anyone, but with her i can tell her stuff i wouldn't normally tell people knowing she can help and not judge me...
but when it comes to cuttng myself or the feelings i have for her. i feel odd. she had asked me a few sessions ago when i had mentioneed not being able to talk about stuff and feeling upset and sick and she said "do you feel you have disapointed me?" and i said (like an idiot because really what she said was true...) "well yah but more like i disapointed myself" well so of course she wanted to talk about that when THAT wasn't IT at all..
oh my goodness.
thanks for the reply
Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2007, at 7:50:39
In reply to Re: more T stuff...(again).. i feel rejected, posted by youngaddict on January 12, 2007, at 20:48:31
I *know* it's hard, but if you start talking with her about these things it should get better, at least in the long run.
I used to write things down and thrust them at him. Then we'd have a big battle because he'd insist I read them myself. Eventually he got so where he'd read it himself. But not all therapists require that, so don't let that stop you.
Posted by mair on January 13, 2007, at 12:34:34
In reply to Re: more T stuff...(again).. i feel rejected, posted by youngaddict on January 12, 2007, at 20:48:31
I had a T/pdoc who I saw over about a 2-3 year period. (This was some years ago). Whenever he asked me whether I was worried about what he might think, I just blurted out (every time) "oh you're so non-judgmental." He never really questioned this response, that I can recall, so in a sense I convinced myself that this was true. It took a long time with my current T for me to realize and own up to the fact that when I'm struggling to get something out, it's frequently because I'm very worried about what my T might think and how she might view me. And that feelings that I'm disappointing her are there alot and are pretty well connected to feelings I've had forever that I regularly disappoint other people.
I'm pretty sure I wouldn't still be working with her if I hadn't gotten over this hump - the practice of continually going into therapy and censoring 90% of my thoughts would surely have driven me away a long time ago.
mair
Posted by canadagirl on January 14, 2007, at 21:41:41
In reply to more T stuff...(again).. i feel rejected, posted by youngaddict on January 12, 2007, at 17:50:36
Yes I agree with what everyone's said, talking about it if you can. It seems she wants to help, for sure she does, try to trust her. The problem with addictions is that they work so well (at least in the short run ) that it can make treatment very difficult. Keep fighting the battle and don't give up,that is most important.
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