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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on December 7, 2006, at 20:30:01
Therapy is hard lately. My T was trying to challenge some of my thinking the other day, and he was trying to do it gently and so that I didn't feel attacked, but it didn't really help. I don't know how to stop being so sensitive to every little thing. I started crying when he said how could I bring the adult part of me into situations where I react more as a little girl. He picked up that I was feeling criticized and I explained that I was crying because I felt like I wasn't doing therapy good enough.
He then talked about how maybe I'm doing therapy sooo good that part of me is scared about going forward and changing and that's what tells me I'm not doing well enough. But he still wanted me to bring the adult part into the session and see how I could bring it into the crying so I felt more in control.
I don't know. It just feels like I must be doing horribly at this whenever he challenges my thinking a lot like last session. Even when he then points out how much I've grown and how well I am doing, I can't make the other thoughts go away. I mean, I want to act like an adult, but at the same time sometimes it just seems like I want to cry and cry.
Any ideas?
sunnydays
Posted by Daisym on December 8, 2006, at 2:28:35
In reply to felt criticized, posted by sunnydays on December 7, 2006, at 20:30:01
Therapy that is working often feels critical, I think. After all, we are criticizing our past behavior or coping skills and trying to change things. Understanding yourself is so very hard.
For me, when I feel nudged along by my therapist, I feel shame of not having pushed myself enough. I'm mortified that he needs to challenge thoughts that I quickly decide I should never have had, let alone shared. (Yes, I know, why am I going to him and paying him if I think I should be curing myself...I know, I know...) And I get terrified that he will get angry if I don't hurry up and fix myself or he will leave or get frustrated with me.
But my therapist, like yours, knows that we are trying hard. Their job isn't to comfort us all the time. It is to keep holding up the mirror so we can see what we are doing and try to understand why we are doing it. Try to separate your thoughts from your behaviors and your behaviors from your self. Your therapist might not like a thought or a behavior, but he cares very much for you.
And when you've had enough, say so. I'm glad he picked up on what you were feeling. I'm sorry it is so hard.
Posted by sunnydays on December 8, 2006, at 7:36:35
In reply to Re: felt criticized » sunnydays, posted by Daisym on December 8, 2006, at 2:28:35
Thank you so much Daisy. It's like you're sitting in my head with me :). It's nice to know someone understands, although I'm sorry you have to understand the hard way, by going through it. I think it might be shame more than feeling criticized now that you say that. Although feeling criticized is what leads to the shame. I agree that my therapist shouldn't comfort me all the time, I just wish there was a way he could. If only change felt good, not bad! Thank you so so much Daisy. After group last night and stuff I was really getting worried that no one would understand ever and it was just me.
Thank you.sunnydays
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