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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by inimitable on July 29, 2006, at 19:15:23
I love going to clubs and dancing, i LOVE to dance. BUT. i have no one to go to clubs with. and i have no car. i have no friends. well, i guess i have one friend now, although it's a guy friend...a little complicated, won't go into that. anyways he doesn't like going to clubs, at least not only with one other person, he needs a group. now, if i go with one other person, i am fine to go out to an empty dance floor and dance my heart away, i'm not afraid to dance alone. but i really am nervous about going alone, you know, it's not very safe for a girl, and plus, i'll be riding my bike there and back (i'm not drinking), it's only about a five minute bike ride, and before it get's dark, i am going to take a ride there and back, plot my course and where i'll park my bike. i have let my sisters know (who don't live close) that i am going to a club alone, so that if they don't hear from me...to be safe. but....other than the not wanting to look like a dork riding my bike to the club and back home (i don't mind that THAT much) and the whole safety factor....i've always thought i was a social person, and i think i am, but it's the first step that's always hardest for me, so i am scared of meeting new people. just a little. ajnd also, i don't want freaky guys hitting on me, cause this club for some reason gets some older men that are kind of scary. anyways i just wanted to post this, see if any of you have the same troubles...but then again, you probably have friends! unlike me.
thanks
*inimitable
Posted by ElaineM on July 31, 2006, at 20:54:39
In reply to a little nervous, posted by inimitable on July 29, 2006, at 19:15:23
Hi inimitable: I think it's great that you are willing to push yourself to get out. And it sounds like you really thought it through (planning your route and stuff). I miss dancing. I was never comfortable in public like you said that you are though. Now I feel like I've missed my chance -- I hid in shame for my teenage years and starved away my early twenties. I wish I could move well enough to dance again.
I don't really have friends either. It's pretty hard to get along without feeling connections with people -- even harder to make them. It must be extra tough for you since you feel that deep down you really are social.
So how did your night go? Was it as scary as you thought? Will you do it again?
Hope you got home safe :-)
EL[sorry, I meant to reply last night]
Posted by inimitable on August 3, 2006, at 13:46:45
In reply to Re: a little nervous, posted by ElaineM on July 31, 2006, at 20:54:39
well, i did it and it went fine. i went at about 11pm and it was still slow, so i played a game of pool to kill time till the dancing really started. and of course some nasty guys came along, a bachelor party, and the one guy ended up saying that he has a list of ten things he needs to have a woman do for him before he gets married. i told him i'm not a very *giving* person. he was fine with that and left me in good spirits. and then another guy came along and asked if i wanted to play with him and his buddies. i was gonna say no, in fact i did, but then i changed my mind, what's the harm? i'm glad i did play pool with them. i hung out with them the rest of the night, and before the dancing even really started i told them that if they danced with me, i had a no touch policy, and i wanted them to know that so they don't get the wrong idea. they all thought it was cool i let them know and that i had that policy. they respected it! one of the guys (jay, i'll talk about him a bit more) even said he thought it's cool cause a lot of girls don't have respect for themselves and will get up on any guy in the club. he really seemed to be impressed by me, in that way. so anyways i hung out with them all night, mainly talking to jay, and was dancing, oh i had a great time dancing, even though i felt a tiny bit weird, since i wasn't at the club with anyone i really knew. see, the thing is, i danced with jay a couple of times, but he's not that much of a dancer and to tell you the truth i don't really know how to dance with someone else, like in a club type setting (since i have a no touch policy, with strange men at least), so i didn't really like to dnace with him,. but i kind of felt obligated not to dance with anyone else either, although quite a few guys tried to dance with me, i just danced away from them. i think it was a mixture of feeling obligated towards jay and also that most of the guys that tried to dance with me just got all up on me, TOO close, and i don't like that. i'd rather have a guy ASK me, between songs, if i'll dance with him to the next one, then i would let them know my policy and stuff. anyways, i'm trying to get to the point.....
jay ended up giving me his number, i called him a dayand half later (mon) and we were gonna hook up that night. he called me an hour after he was suppossed to be at my place and said his van was having some troubles and he'd be at my place in about 45 minutes. he also said he was surpirsed i'd called him cause he didn't think i would (i got the idea he had kind of low self esteem) and i let him know i was looking forward to hangin out with him. we hung up, i waited for three hours (about 9pm) no phone call. i wasn't upset really, i was annoyed at the fact that he didn't even call to cancel, a waste of my time (not that's i'd be doing much else) but still. so not really upset. see he smokes and there were some qualities that i didn't really care for in the guy, but i was gonna give him a chance, get to know him a bit, but i figured, hey, i didn't really want to date a smoker anyways, so why waste my time! so i was fine. then he called back tuesday night about 9pm. a whole day later. i called him, cause i thought, well, maybe he was embarrassed about his van breaking down, and had low self esteem....i'll give him one more chance. so i called him, we made plans for wed at 530pm. AND AGAIN he never showed. i was annoyed again, but also kind of relieved, cause i was feeling a little iffy anyways cause i realized i don't want to settle for someone who smokes unless they have someother qualities that make up for that, and this guy didn't, and so i knew there would be a point, if we did get together that i would have to let him know that this wouldn't go anywhere.....so anyways i'm kind of glad, but also wondering how crazy this was! it's never happened to me before. but hey, it took my mind of my T for a little bit! oh, you know, i found out my t smokes!!!!! yucky! sorry to all those smokers out there, hope i'm not offending, do not mean to, it's just not my cup o'tea! but see, i'd still go out with my t, although it wouod never happen, because he has other redeeming qualities that make up for it. well anyways this is WAY too long, sorry, thanks for reading it!*inimitable
Posted by ElaineM on August 4, 2006, at 20:10:28
In reply to Re: a little nervous, posted by inimitable on August 3, 2006, at 13:46:45
Inimitable: Not "way too long" at all! When I post I'm a little verbose myself ;-) I like reading about everyone. But, I enjoy hearing of you trying the dating/social scene. It's something I often feel nostalgic for, though it never really happened in the first place.
You sound like you really know how to push yourself, but set your own limits at the same time. It's not the easiest thing to do. "No touch" is a particularily difficult one for alot of females. Good for you.
It sounds like you had a good time. And I was glad to hear that you were home safe. Even the Jay part sounded like a positive experience, though it didn't really pan out afterwards. But what I try and do now is take moments for what they are, and not what they weren't. You had fun, set guidelines, took some risks, and sound like you think it was worth it. It sounds like it was to me too :-) Maybe the next guy won't be as confusing. Who knows what was going on with Jay anyways!
Thanks for updating me. Let me know if you try again.
ELaine
Posted by inimitable on August 7, 2006, at 21:00:40
In reply to Re: a little nervous » inimitable, posted by ElaineM on August 4, 2006, at 20:10:28
hey, i went to a club alone while i was visiting family in my hometown ( i live in my college town for now), and so i had nothing to do on sat so i went to a club there, and near the end of the night, a girl came up to me and said her friend wanted to meet me. i found out later that she actually picks out girls that she think would be good for him, and introduces them. so i asked him, his name is eryk (spelled diff.) i asked him if she picked me this time or if he did and he paused and then said both. anywaysso he knows i live here, about two hours away and that i am still married and getting divorced in dec, and will be back home for good in dec as well. but he still gave me his number and he has mine. i ended the night with "okay so i'll call you, or you call me" and he said "no, you call me" i thought that was kind of weird. but anyways i called him today but he was on his way to the fair, and we chatted for a minute or so and then i said okay, well i guess call me whenever....i sounded like such a dork! and this guy is cute, cuter than any guy who's taken an interest, but i am not thinking it will go very far, he smokes as well, but seems to have other things going for him (unlike jay), but i got the vibe that he's a health freak, i asked him if while he was at the fair if he'd eat any junk food, num num! elephant ears, gibby's fries, candy apples....and he said "that's not really healthy..." and after a couple seconds i said, "is beer healthy?" cause he was slamming them back at the club.....anyways i am not expecting anything from this either, since i'm all the way here, two hours away, but my T seems to think since i do have a problem with intimacy, that a long distance relationship might be good for me, better than one, here where i am. though i doubt it will get that far with this eryk guy. i don't really FEEL it, if you know what i mean, but then again, maybe that would be better, cause all my other relationships, i FELT it, but they turned out to be nothing, and i am looking for something different....hmmm, something to think about i guess! anyways thank you for listening!
*inimitable
Posted by ElaineM on August 8, 2006, at 11:31:38
In reply to Another one!, posted by inimitable on August 7, 2006, at 21:00:40
Another club? That's pretty good - espeicially going alone. You sound like you just really want to work on getting comfortable with going out again. I think you're doing really well, Is your T pleased with all you effort?
This guy E does sound a little more with it than Jay. Maybe you tend to attract very shy guys. If E usually gets a friend to pick out interesting girls then maybe he's not too sure about making big first moves. But at least you had a good time, and your number's out there, for future contact. You never know.
About FEELING it, and it not working out before. Do you think before you've got caught up in someone too quickly? I wonder if relationships seem more intimate if they are allowed to slowly develope. [literally, i'm just wondering, I have no good experiences with long-term stuff. Or even short-term stuff for the last few years ;-) ] What do you think?
Have you ever thought about giving out an email address, instead of, or with, your number? If you're coming across shy guys, maybe they'd be more comfortable typing instead of speaking, while you get to know more about each other. I don't know (I'm laughing at myself a little, sitting here talking about dating....feeling a bit ridiculous. Probably just miss ever doing it myself.)
Anyways, sounds like you're having fun. Thanks for telling me about it.
EL
Posted by inimitable on August 8, 2006, at 14:03:25
In reply to Re: Another one! » inimitable, posted by ElaineM on August 8, 2006, at 11:31:38
actually, i get what you mean. see i think i do get caught up to quickly, because when i get to know someone, and the we decide to be exclusive, i then find out everything about them, by asking them things and getting to know everything i can, and i tell them everything, because i figure if you are in a relationship with someone, you should know them. and so i think i have been confusing intimacy with KNOWING someone intimately.maybe, i don't know. but i know i don't really end up feeling anything remotely intimate with these relationships of mine, no connection or anything. so i think you're right, this time (well the next time) i start a relationship, i will go slower i think, it would be best i think since i'm trying something new!
and yes, i actually offered eryk to talk through messenger (im ing) and he said he doesn't do that too often, so no. but yes, i usually do attract the shyer guys, as well as the guys i'm not attracted to, but these past couple of times, i find them attractive too!
my T doesn't really tell me he's proud of me or anything. i guess i have noticed that although i have been infatuated with him (and maybe in love, although i won't allow myself to call it that seeing as how i don't even know him, and also don't know what love really feels like) we don't really connect, which is kind of contradictory, i know, but we aren't very emotional, no hugs, no real ummm.....i don't know how to say it. i mean he's only one year or so older than me, how could i possibly form any sort of therapeutic relationship with someone just one year older? but hey, it's cheaper! i am sorry, gonna go off on a little tangent, or maybe i already did. i am kind of starting to accept that nothigs going to ever happen, even though i already knew that it wouldn't ever happen, and i dont think about him as much anymore, but it's still frustrating having to see him every week, and to top it off, he was kind of going into the conversation of termination soon (yesterday, monday), and how maybe i could join a club on campus to fill the void, because his supervisor thinks that's why i am attatching to him, to fill the void i had in my life when my problems with my husband dissapeared (because my husband moved out), so there was nothign going on in my life, and so i placed andy in that void.......and so andy thinks i should join a club....okay i am done! sorry i was ranting, at least a little bit anyways.again, thank you for listening (reading) all of you who read this, and also especially elaine, i think it's great how you manage to contribute a little to almost everyone's posts, you really seem like a caring person! here, have a smile, from me to you :)have a nice day everyone
*inimitable
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