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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by thewrite1 on August 7, 2006, at 18:35:18
I used to post here awhile back, but I took a nice long break. I don't know how long I'll stick around this time.
I feel like I'm in love with my therapist. I know I'm not. It's more like I'm in love with idea of her. She's well old enough to be my mother. My sexual fantasies about her are for one purpose, and that's so that I can feel her arms around me. I've talked to her about all of this and she's been wonderful. Some things still come up from time to time, but she's always willing to talk about it.
I've been crushing on older women since I was in grade school. I always thought there was some part of me that's gay even though I'm happily married. Turns out I was just looking for a maternal figure, especially the affection one gets from their mother. My mother was unavailable to me through the years when a child needs their mother the most. Now the little thewrite1 is trying so hard to fill that hole.
My therapist tells me that best way to do that is to be a good mother to yourself. That usually leaves me wanting to slap her, so I haven't figured it out yet. I know she's right and I'm able to distance myself from the feelings I have for her. Ultimately I know it's not about her. I would have had these feelings develop with any therapist I had. I'm just fortunate that I got one that knows how to deal with it.
I'm kind of mad at her right now for being on vacation, but I know I'll get over that. All in all, I feel like I've made tremendous progress.
Anyway, I don't know if this will be helpful to anyone, but it sounds like a few of you are going through these types of feelings just now. Just thought I'd share.
Posted by ElaineM on August 8, 2006, at 9:41:16
In reply to Loving therapist/progress, posted by thewrite1 on August 7, 2006, at 18:35:18
What a lovely message Write1. I don't think I recognize your name, so I guess you were here before I came. You sound like you are in such a good place in your therapy. Your T sounds so gentle and understanding. So you think that the pain of having, and addressing your feelings of love have been worth it in the long run?
I've always had strong feelings of love, or needing to be loved, from older women. Not sexual in anyway, but I remember in grade school how, if a teacher was kind to me, I'd fall in love with her, and cry at night cause she wasn't my mother. I always used to try an collect "substitute mothers" when younger. That stopped through the teen years, and I only feared everyone, until I met my ED T and LadyDoctor. I think I can say that I loved them -- do love them still. My T now says that he loves them too, because they've given me the opportnunity to create a space in my head for a Good Mother archetype. I love them because they created the possibility for me to witness, and believe in, the gentleness and lovingness -- maternalness -- of an older woman. Really, of people in general.
Your story made me think of that. Thank you :-)
I can see what you mean by it being frustrating being told that you need to mother yourself. How do you learn that, if you didnt' ever get to experience it? I don't think it makes it any easier to learn just because we're older now ourselves. But it sounds like your T is right there to help you work on figuring it out.
Vacations are hard. Summer's kinda cr*ppy that way. If it helps the time pass to post here, by all means post away :-)
Anyway, I thought it was great to hear of a positive outcome of T attachment. THere's been another babbler's posts I've been reading too that are equally as hopeful. (I guess for me, I'd like to hear from anyone with a positive outcome of reciprocated affection.) Nice to meet you. Hope you stick around for a little while.
Elaine
Posted by thewrite1 on August 9, 2006, at 2:11:57
In reply to Re: Loving therapist/progress » thewrite1, posted by ElaineM on August 8, 2006, at 9:41:16
Thanks for your kind words.
> So you think that the pain of having, and addressing your feelings of love have been worth it in the long run?
Yes, I absolutely do. Searching for a maternal figure to love has taken me to some bad places in life. I feel safe in loving my T. I know she's never going to love me the way I want, but I also know that I'm better for it. I don't have to worry about, "What am I going to do to screw up this relationship?" Though she doesn't and won't return my love, she accepts it. She accepts me.
I, too, have tried to find mothers out in the world. I was fortunate to find one. She was the mother of a close friend of mine. I could talk to her about anything and she never stopped loving me. She died about a decade ago and I've never found anyone to fill in for her until my T.
> I can see what you mean by it being frustrating being told that you need to mother yourself. How do you learn that, if you didnt' ever get to experience it?That's the question!
> Vacations are hard. Summer's kinda cr*ppy that way. If it helps the time pass to post here, by all means post away :-)It came at a bad time due to some of the stuff we were talking about, but I'm thinking I may make a separate post about that tomorrow. (Getting to be my bedtime).
Take care and nice to meet you!
thewrite1
Posted by bent on August 9, 2006, at 17:25:06
In reply to Loving therapist/progress, posted by thewrite1 on August 7, 2006, at 18:35:18
> I feel like I'm in love with my therapist. I >know I'm not. It's more like I'm in love with >idea of her. She's well old enough to be my >mother.I am in this same boat. Sometimes I wonder how I can love my T when I dont even know her. But it is the idea and image we create. My T's daughter is like 4 years younger than me! I hate it!
>I've been crushing on older women since I was in >grade school. I always thought there was some >part of me that's gay even though I'm happily >married. Turns out I was just looking for a >maternal figure, especially the affection one >gets from their mother. My mother was >unavailable to me through the years when a child >needs their mother the most. Now the little >thewrite1 is trying so hard to fill that hole.I wrote a poem one time about trying to fill that hole. Every peice I tried to put there never fit perfectly. I know what it feels like. My mom was very emotionally unstable when i was growing up. I too attached onto older mother-figures all through school. I know how it hurts. I long for something to fill this hole and to hold me.
> My therapist tells me that best way to do that >is to be a good mother to yourself. That >usually leaves me wanting to slap her, so I >haven't figured it out yet.
Yes! It's easy for T's to say that. My T has said it too. But I dont know how. Have you gotten any where with this?
> I'm kind of mad at her right now for being on >vacation, but I know I'll get over that. All in >all, I feel like I've made tremendous progress.
> Anyway, I don't know if this will be helpful to >anyone, but it sounds like a few of you are >going through these types of feelings just now. >Just thought I'd share.Thanks for sharing. Its nice to hear about some one in a similar spot. Vacations are rough but its wonderful that you can see your progress. Keep going!
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