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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by orchid on May 22, 2006, at 14:40:46
I am going to stick with this assumption - that both my Ts really liked me and cared about me.
I mean, I am not going to hear from them anymore ever, so what harm is there in assuming the best? And it makes me feel good and healed when I think they cared, and makes me feel wretched when I think they didn't. And believing they didn't care makes me go round and round and feel bad, and hurt again and again. On the other hand, when I think they did care and liked me (atleast to a good extent), I feel more healed and whole and able to put it behind me.
So why not just do what is best for me? And besides, it is a horrible feeling to think that the persons to whom you opened out your heart didn't care about you.
So, yep, hereafter Orchid is going to think that both Ts really liked her A LOT and cared for her A LOT and whatever mess ups happened - happened for some reason beyond control.
And besides, I didn't really give them much trouble though - in fact both of them commented many times on many positive aspects of me - my first T had said I looked pretty good, was intelligent, and once even said to my parents I was the best patient he ever had. And he treated me withouth charge for couple of years.. And my second T said she thought I was a good person etc etc.. And my first T even said my country needs people like me and the president is calling for people like me to come and help out.
So that means they held me in good regards right? Maybe it was my own projection all along (due to my abuse and issues with my dad) that made me see only the negative parts of it.
Does this make sense?
Posted by B2chica on May 22, 2006, at 15:39:36
In reply to I think both my Ts really liked and cared for me., posted by orchid on May 22, 2006, at 14:40:46
sweetie it makes Perfect sense. and it is possible that it could have been projection. but whether or not it was, mostly i have to think that you are RIGHT on in doing what is Best for YOU. sounds like you've done some self healing! and why dwell on the negative when you don't know (or will ever know) for sure. You need to do what you can to put this behind you. it is a horrible feeling to think those people whom you trusted and confided in wouldn't have cared at all. BUT, i don't think those T's would have said the things you mentioned if they didn't care.
SO i think you instinct is right on.they did care.
(((((((((((orchid))))))))))))
b2c
Posted by Pfinstegg on May 22, 2006, at 16:13:01
In reply to Re: I think both my Ts really liked and cared for, posted by B2chica on May 22, 2006, at 15:39:36
I feel certain that they did. The first one, in particular, said and did some very unusual and positive things. Think of Happyflower's situation- there was an unusual amount of mutual caring, closeness and unerstanding, while good therapeutic work was going on, but it's kind of fallen apart, at least for the time being. Probably TOO much caring and liking on the therapists' part, followed by sudden withdrawal- their attempts to put proper boundaries back in place. It is human, but it does cause a lot of shock and suffering for their patients- probably for them, too.
Posted by susan47 on May 22, 2006, at 16:55:42
In reply to Re: I think both my Ts really liked and cared for » B2chica, posted by Pfinstegg on May 22, 2006, at 16:13:01
Yes, Orchid,
he would not have helped you for free if you weren't worth it, to him. Believe me, the world is more self-serving than you can imagine. It's a big shock when you really see it for the first time, it's always a shock. So believe that the truth is that he did care for you, very much, and came to the limited place in his life, he hit a wall he could no longer climb. It's okay, it's not your fault, people wear out. I kind of think that sometimes the more challenging a patient is, the more challenged the therapist becomes in his or her reactions. Extremes are hard for anyone to live with. And I read somewhere once that there is some ancient belief somewhere that people who were psychically ill for one reason or another, emitted evil spirits ... and therapists (now) and healers (then) had to protect themselves against that .. and I believe that has some merit to it, I believe there is some basis in reality for that ancient-based belief. But, I could be wrong :) and that's always a good thing to remember ...
Posted by orchid on May 22, 2006, at 17:02:08
In reply to Re: I think both my Ts really liked and cared for, posted by B2chica on May 22, 2006, at 15:39:36
Thanks B2C. I think it is the best thing to do for myself now, regardless of what the truth is/was. It is better to believe that they cared and go on and put it behind me for good, rather than keep thinking they didn't and hurting myself again and again.
And besides, all my negative thinking so far did serve a purpose and I think was there for a reason now that I look back - it helped me look at myself further and find out what was wrong with me and, and that led to lot of discovery about my behavior patterns and issues with my dad and the abuse etc.
But it is over. And following the same line of thinking and feeling wouldn't serve any purpose hereafter other than to just hurt myself more.
And besides, at this point of time, believing my Ts cared about me does me a lot of good - it helps me be closer to my husband even. I couldn't be good to my husband if I loathed myself and thought I was unlikeable. So, that is the right path to go from here onwards.
Posted by orchid on May 22, 2006, at 17:11:25
In reply to Re: I think both my Ts really liked and cared for » B2chica, posted by Pfinstegg on May 22, 2006, at 16:13:01
Thanks Pfinstegg. I have to say, that your last couple of posts to me were the ones that brought this healing thought on. So thanks especially to you.
I thought several times about what you said about my first T caring too much..but it doesn't seem likely. I don't think he was overwhelmed etc - more likely was that he had a decent amount of liking, but not too much or anything very emotional etc. And my situation was quite different from HFs, there weren't any boundary crossing and socializing etc.
Posted by orchid on May 22, 2006, at 17:12:56
In reply to Re: I think both my Ts really liked and cared for, posted by susan47 on May 22, 2006, at 16:55:42
Thanks Susan.
This is the end of the thread.
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