![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pegasus on March 28, 2006, at 11:31:26
Last night I had a really hard time thinking about my ex-therapist. I was pondering whether to ask him to do phone therapy (see related thread a couple of weeks ago), and I just got really upset again. Strangely, all of those feelings are totally gone now. But I want to write them down somewhere. It's going to be weird to write this from an emotionally distant perspective. But here goes:
Even now, over 2 years since I last spoke to him, I think about him unreasonably often. Somehow during my therapy with him, he became the thing I grounded myself to. When he left, that floor gave out. I've built it back up from broken boards, and feel grounded again now most of the time. But when I need extra grounding - when I'm especially stressed - my mind still reaches back to remember his attention and interest and availability and caring. And then I realize that it isn't actually there anymore, and I'm on my own up in thin air. But, it feels like he's still there. I mean, reaching back in my mind for him actually still helps. Sometimes I email him to touch ground. And half the time he sends a quick reply, half the time he doesn't. I know he's doing the best he can. It's probably hard for him to know what's most helpful for me. To stay in contact, or to not. It's hard for me to know, too.
What I hate is that I'm still reaching back for him. And I hate finding him only somewhat, tentatively, sometimes, less and less there. I tried to find someone else to help ground me, but it didn't work. She was good, but I never reach back for her when things get tough. Why not? What do I need to do to get truly grounded again? I want to ask him to be there again, but I'm not sure if that's healthy. I fantasize that it would be great, but would real life live up? Or would I just be face to face again with our inability to end my therapy well. My hurt and anger and acting out . . . his defensiveness and denial and sticking to his usual stance even after it became unhelpful.
I feel as though there's more to say here, but can't find it right now . . .
peg
Posted by All Done on March 28, 2006, at 17:30:15
In reply to ex-therapist angst rising again, posted by pegasus on March 28, 2006, at 11:31:26
(((pegasus))),
It sounds like you have some loose ends you feel you need to tie up. I'm sorry that therapy ended in a bad way for you. It sounds like maybe you need to get some of your anger about it out.
Do you think it would be helpful to write a letter to your ex-T telling him what about the termination was so difficult for you and what parts of his behavior hurt you? Then, perhaps you could follow-up with a phone call requesting a session or two to talk about the letter.
He must have given you a lot of what you needed when you were in therapy with him, though, if you feel the need to reach back for him. Would it help to write that down and try to see where you have or can find that with your current support systems? Maybe you could tell us what was helpful about your relationship with him.
Sorry you're suffering.
Take care,
Laurie
Posted by orchid on March 28, 2006, at 19:13:22
In reply to ex-therapist angst rising again, posted by pegasus on March 28, 2006, at 11:31:26
Hi Peg,
I don't remember your termination story that well, but sorry to hear that it didn't go well with your ex T.I can understand your feelings, and I really don't have a good suggestion to offer.
For me personally, I replaced that feeling which I got with therapist with other things - I started trusting God more, I started relating to people more, I started telling myself that "I am ok" more, and it seems to have helped. Substitution is what works best in such situations. Is there a way you can substitute some one else for your Ex T? I don't really think he will step up and help you anymore - atleast not a lot. You might have to find other ways of helping yourself.
Take Care.
Posted by pegasus on March 29, 2006, at 21:12:13
In reply to Re: ex-therapist angst rising again » pegasus, posted by All Done on March 28, 2006, at 17:30:15
Thanks for understanding All Done. Maybe I should write him a letter. But I have written him a bunch of emails about it, and never really got anywhere in terms of feeling resolved. So, probably I need to just figure out a way to let it go. I've been working on that for a couple of years, now, though, and I'm not sure it's actually possible. At least now, for me.
You are right that I got a lot of what I needed when I was in therapy with him. That's the good part. I wish I could find the same stuff without him. I would have thought that another therapist would provide the same feeling of acceptance, and attention, and interest or whatever it was. But it seems not to automatically happen. Maybe I need to start looking for another therapist again. Although, I just don't think I will. There's no particular reason to think it would work now, when it didn't before.
Oh, bother. I don't know what I'm trying to say, or what I want to do. But thanks for listening, anyway.
peg
Posted by pegasus on March 29, 2006, at 21:14:37
In reply to Re: ex-therapist angst rising again » pegasus, posted by orchid on March 28, 2006, at 19:13:22
Hi Orchid,
Yeah, I need to move on. I know it. I've been trying. My more recent T has been pretty good. I have great support from my husband, etc. But there was something there in that therapy relationship with my ex-T that just doesn't seem to happen anywhere else. I really miss it. I guess I should be happy that I ever had it, though, right? Lots of folks never do.
I'm ok, really. It just hurts.
peg
Posted by Dinah on March 29, 2006, at 21:52:52
In reply to Re: ex-therapist angst rising again » orchid, posted by pegasus on March 29, 2006, at 21:14:37
This cuts very close to home, I'm afraid.
I don't think I'd ever search out another therapist. Well, maybe for something short term if something comes up, but I've given up on finding another one that I can connect with.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.