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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Tamar on December 28, 2005, at 20:00:49
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 19:19:14
> I just don't know about anything anymore. I don't need more problems. Maybe things have gotten too personal and he is trying to redraw up the boundries. I just hate therapy. I don't want to talk to him right now. I don't even want to got to the gym now, because I don't want to see him.
(((((Happyflower)))))
> We were even arguing about whether or not he has ever seen me on a treadmill. I said yes you did, he said no I haven't . Why is he trying to disagree with me on everything today? Especially about stuff that shouldn't even matter?
Call him and ask him. I know you’d prefer to avoid him, but I really think you need to talk to him and sort it out…
Posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 20:56:31
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » happyflower, posted by Tamar on December 28, 2005, at 20:00:49
>
> (((((Happyflower)))))
>
>> Call him and ask him. I know you’d prefer to avoid him, but I really think you need to talk to him and sort it out…
>
Tamar,
I just feel like he won't talk to me on the phone because things like this have gotten worse when we did that because he is cold on the phone. But yet I don't feel like I should have to pay for another appointment either. Today just felt like a power stuggle I think. Maybe I was fighting him too.It started off okay, he even said he thought about me when he didn't see me at the gym last Sat. , because he knew I was at home cooking pounds of sausage. He told me he throw up at on Christmas for the first time in a decade. Well I was talking about me being sick, and he has to talk about himself. I think things have gotten too personal between us because when he acts like an *sshole I get hurt. I did tell him I am having 2nd thoughts about the divorce, but he seemed to agree with my reasoning, but maybe me going in circles is annoying him.
But then again if things weren't personal, I would still feel hurt by the way he was today. I know he has to know it will be uncomfortable at the gym if this waits 2 weeks. We even talked today about how my DH runs from his problems, and I confront them, just like I did with him.I just don't know if things could ever not be personal, it would be hard to go back because we do enjoy each others company.
Today I just felt like I was trash and he was trying to throw me away. I think if he had an appointment he had to get to right after my session, he could of told me that he had to leave right after our appointment. He didn't have to get mean about it.
I guess I made the first move by calling him and telling him how he made me feel today. The ball is in his court I think. If doesn't call I guess I could just dump a bottle of cold water on his head at the gym. How about that? LOL I got a new water bottle that can squirt water, maybe get him good as he jogs by and trys to ignore me! Ha! He shouldn't mess with this happyflower. Okay I need to get to bed now. Thanks for you support. I am exhausted.
Posted by tryingtobewise on December 28, 2005, at 21:35:30
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » Tamar, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 20:56:31
Hi Happyflower - I am a lurker here, I've posted before but it has been a long while & I doubt if anyone remembers me.
Anyway, I've been following your posts a bit. I thought I'd add that I have worked for a T for the past 5 years. I've noticed over the years that whenever he lets lines blur with clients, which he definitely has a tendency to do, at some point he always institutes a "crack down" of sorts. Since your T has been flirting with you & such, he may be trying to institute some more "discipline" (for lack of a better word) to the therapy relationship. Sadly, it is because of his own misjudgements but it comes across as a punishment to you. Which understandably is confusing.
So I guess what I'm attempting to say is if he is trying to be more formal about things again...try not to feel like you are the one to blame because you are not! He may just be feeling extra-aware that he has let things slide a bit. If you have questions or concerns about it, you totally have a right to ask them.
(I'm sure after reading this you can see why I lurk & don't post! Others are much more eloquent then I am!)
Kim
Posted by fairywings on December 29, 2005, at 0:08:04
In reply to I had a bad session today and I just want to quit, posted by happyflower on December 28, 2005, at 13:56:42
Hi (((hf)))
I'm hoping he was just having a bad day, and that he was cranky with you. But he shouldn't be since you're paying big bucks. If he has an issue and it's going to affect your therapy, he needs to just spit it out. Maybe write it all out, get it out of your system, and then send it in the mail tomorrow. I hope he calls you back, he should since it was obvious you were upset.
Let me know,
fw
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 8:53:56
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to quit » happyflower, posted by fairywings on December 29, 2005, at 0:08:04
He apologized for being abrupt with me yesterday as my session was over. He said some would say he was rude and he didn't didn't mean to be, it had nothing to do with me and it isn't an excuse for his behavior, he was just anxious about his doctors appointment that was after my appointment. He wished me a happy new year and said he would see me in 2 weeks.
I am still upset and sad. So now what was he anxious about, is he dying or something, is something really wrong with him or with someone else in his family? I guess I shouldn't care after all it isn't any of my business.
Posted by daisym on December 29, 2005, at 10:53:48
In reply to He called and left a message, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 8:53:56
Some people get anxious about being late.
Try not to overthink this. I'm glad he called and apologized. I wish you didn't have to wait two weeks to see him.
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:24:14
In reply to Re: He called and left a message » happyflower, posted by daisym on December 29, 2005, at 10:53:48
> Some people get anxious about being late.
>
> Try not to overthink this. I'm glad he called and apologized. I wish you didn't have to wait two weeks to see him.
>I am surprised he even called, I didn't ask him to and he is normally strict about that. He really hurt my feelings and I still don't want to see him especially at the gym. I hate those type of encounters and I don't want him to look at me.
Plus I am thinking about canceling my appointment. I am just tired of talking about the same old stuff, nothing is changing, I have little control of the bad stuff, so what's the point in paying someone 90 bucks to rehash the same thing over and over again. I will wait to see how I feel in 2 weeks though, maybe I will want to see him again.
I guess I am still a little angry. Would you be or am I overr eacting again? I just feel like he crushed me, stomped on me, and throw me out in the trash. I know he said he was sorry, but he still made me feel like cr*p. :(
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:54:08
In reply to Re: He called and left a message » daisym, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:24:14
I guess I should just let my feelings go and try to forget about it, he has been very gracious when I was a jerk to him, so doesn't he deserve the same back? I hope I will feel better about this in the morning.
Posted by annierose on December 29, 2005, at 14:04:48
In reply to Re: He called and left a message, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 12:54:08
I think a lot of us feel very deeply about our T's. Many reactions we have are stronger than those we experience we other people. We expect them to react in a certain way and when they don't, it shakes our foundation.
That is why I would not cancel my appointment. It is important to talk this out. You will be able to work it out with him. Trust that. Yes, he was short with you. He apologized. He explained why. Some people just don't like doctors, maybe it was for a yucky type of "male" test. He was dreading it, or he didn't want to be late (I know I get very anxious if I feel I'm running late for my T appointment).
And yes, sometimes everything feels better in the morning. I surely hope it will for you. I know that feeling. It's hard to hold onto it.
((((happyflower))))
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:15:36
In reply to Re: He called and left a message » happyflower, posted by annierose on December 29, 2005, at 14:04:48
I called him this afternoon, after doing some reflection, and left him this message.
I said I was surprised that he had called, but I was glad that he did. I told him that he did hurt my feelings but I accept his apology. I told him that he has been very gracious with me when I have said or done something not nice to him, so the least I could do is extend it back to him. I told him that I hope to see you at the gym if not next year. Bye.
I feel better now, and If I do see him before my appointment, at least we both know we talked it out with voice machine tag, but at least the air is somewhat cleared. :) I still might squirt
him with some water at the gym though, just because I am a brat. LOL
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:18:34
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » happyflower, posted by tryingtobewise on December 28, 2005, at 21:35:30
Thanks Kim, nice to meet ya! :) I am glad you came out of lurker land! Thank you for your support. :)
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:21:25
In reply to I called him, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:15:36
Thanks again everyone for your support. I am sorry I just don't feel up to giving personal replies, I feel really exhausted. It must be my sinus infection or something because I need a nap. :) I feel a little bit better tonight.
Posted by LadyBug on December 29, 2005, at 14:37:41
In reply to I called him, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 14:15:36
GOOD JOB happyflower!! Isn't it amazing what a voice mail will do for ya? I've done the same thing many times!! It's the best we have until we can go to our next appointment! Even though he was abrupt with you, there's no excuse for him to treat you that way. But they make mistakes too. But their actions multiply in our minds. It's so hard sometimes, like most the time!!!! LOL
Get some rest and get feeling better ok! I've had the flu this week too. Man it's kicked my butt!
Take care and here's a gentle hug for you!!
((((happyflower))))
LadyBug
Posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 15:53:56
In reply to Re: I called him » happyflower, posted by LadyBug on December 29, 2005, at 14:37:41
Thanks Ladybug! :) Your post made me smile!
It was so hard to call him back especially since he hurt me and all. Normally all my life, when this happens I just want to run away. But I didn't this time, and since I called him back to accept his appolgy, I feel relived and my mind has stoped going in circles.I hope he smiled when he heard the message and I hope he got it before he went home today. I wish I would have also said I hope whatever he is feeling anxious about, I hope all is okay with him, but I was nervous and forgot.
But another weird thing is I called him by his first name for the first time. I guess I am getting used to hearing him calling himself by his first name. We recently casually talked about what I could call him, because I call him Dr. B-, and his voice mail says Dr. B-. But when he leaves messages he says his first name. He told me I could call him a shorten version of his first name, but that just sounds to weird to me so I call him by his full first name that is on his business card. At least I did this one time, um, it was wierd. I guess it is okay our 1 yr. anniversary is next week, but what a ride this year has been!
Posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:45:24
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » happyflower, posted by tryingtobewise on December 28, 2005, at 21:35:30
>>(I'm sure after reading this you can see why I lurk & don't post! Others are much more eloquent then I am!)<<
Not true, Kim, not at all.
And I definitely remember you :-)
With your position/job, you have such a unique perspective. I can think of several T's-in-training, and we've recently had the SO of a T. (pdoc, I think?), but no one who sees things quite from where you "sit,", so to speak. (And, BTW....I want your job....but that's a whole other story....)
Not to mention being so kind and sensitive here!
So it would quite lovely if you posted more often.
There better never be any 'eloquence measurement' for posting applied around here....or I'll be failing it regularly! lol.
Truly hope to *see* more of you :-)
Posted by Dinah on December 29, 2005, at 23:47:20
In reply to Re: I had a bad session today and I just want to q » tryingtobewise, posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:45:24
Posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:52:38
In reply to I agree completely with (nm) » 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on December 29, 2005, at 23:47:20
Posted by tryingtobewise on December 30, 2005, at 0:45:57
In reply to Thx, D. That's special in itself :-) (nm) » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:52:38
Thank you for the warm welcome (back)! I appreciate it! In addition to working for a T, I see a psychiatrist for therapy/med mananagement. I think the last time I posted I was freaking out because she moved her office to the building adjacent to ours in the small office park I work in. Felt a little too close to home & like my privacy would be compromised. Fortunately (and strangely), I have never run into her. It is very weird to just have to take a few steps across a parking lot to get from my work to therapy!
:) Kim
Posted by Dinah on December 30, 2005, at 9:46:58
In reply to To Happy, Dinah, and 10derHeart, posted by tryingtobewise on December 30, 2005, at 0:45:57
I do remember. :)
I'm glad it worked out well for you. And I hope you stick around.
Posted by Dinah on December 30, 2005, at 9:47:34
In reply to Thx, D. That's special in itself :-) (nm) » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on December 29, 2005, at 23:52:38
Posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 11:30:08
In reply to Re: I called him » LadyBug, posted by happyflower on December 29, 2005, at 15:53:56
I am still a bit shaken. Seeing that cold expression has me scared that I am going to be on the other end of that someday. I know he said it had nothing to do with me, it was his own anxiety about his appointment, but his abruptness really got to me. I don't like that side I saw of him, it is frightening to me.
It makes me wonder if he is being genuine with me or he just faking that he likes to talk to me like a performer fakes a smile to an audience. Is he pretending to like me because it is his job to do so, and when therapy is over, he is going to discard me like a piece of trash and be cold to me if he sees me again. I plan on telling him my thoughts about this, it might be hard for him to hear, because he did mess up, and knowing he hurt me. But then again, does he really care? Or is that fake too? He has never told me he cares? He won't answer those type of questions because I am just a number like every one of his clients.
Posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:12:02
In reply to I have forgiven him but..., posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 11:30:08
Am I overreacting to this situation? Should I just try to forget about it, and not take it too personally? What are your thoughts? I need some advice please. Tell me what you think. Is this transference or they way he acted really was the cause of my hurt feelings? How would you feel if your T did this?
Posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:25:28
In reply to Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively?, posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:12:02
Posted by Dinah on December 30, 2005, at 15:48:35
In reply to Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively?, posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:12:02
I get the feeling myself sometimes, after my therapist has done things that make me feel special, then returns to treating me as just one of his clients. Even when I knew that the feeling special wasn't particularly good for me.
It's happened to me with teachers too. I often had "special" relationships with teachers that I enjoyed very much, but that would occasionally earn me a sharp pinch of hurt when they treated me like just another student. As they inevitably did from time to time, no matter how much they enjoyed me at other times.
The boundary bendings feel so good, but it hurts so much when they're put back in place, and we realize who we really are to them. Yeah, they like us. Yeah, they care about us and they want the best for us. Yeah, they might even find us amusing or charming.
But in the end, we're not to them what they are to us. And reminders of that hurt. A lot.
You felt like he was your soul mate. And he did something that soul mates "shouldn't" do. (Though in reality of course they do.)
When it happens to me, I not only am hurt by it, but I hold it tightly to me to protect against hurt next time. I don't know if that's good or bad.
Posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 16:45:55
In reply to Re: Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively? » happyflower, posted by Dinah on December 30, 2005, at 15:48:35
I still believe he is my soulmate, or one of them that I have had in my life. But yeah, when they treat you special, than poop on you, it feels worse than if they didn't treat you special.
But worse, he did treat me poorly, he even admited it to me and apolozied for it. So he didn't just treat me like a regular client, he did treat me badly, because his stuff got into the therapy room. I guess he is only human, but it still hurts and makes me 2nd guess if our relationship is nothing but fake. (but i guess in my heart, I know he cares and likes me. Just look at what my DH is doing, and he is suppose to love me. So I guess you usually get hurt by the ones you care about, or it wouldn't hurt, right?
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