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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on September 16, 2005, at 18:42:01
So everybody tells me how well I'm handling not getting the job I applied for. Everybody except my therapist...
I went today and complained about being tired. I worked 37 1/2 hours last week, and 28 this week. Plus I had a 3 hour class (my first in 23 years). I thought I was pretty justified in being tired.
But he thinks I am denying how I'm feeling about how the trustees are treating me. And that that is why I'm tired - that it is a small version of "dropping out" (getting depressed).
He was trying to tell me that you can be angry even if the person you are angry at didn't do anything wrong. I don't really get that.
He was trying to tell me that I should force them to acknowledge that I applied for the job. Maybe say that it will be weird to interview my competition. Maybe get them to tell me that they are NOT going to offer me the job (but I keep hoping that the other candidate will fall through and they WILL offer me the job). He wants me to express something to the trustees. But I can't see anything that I could say that would make me feel any better but wouldn't piss them off.
I'm mad that they aren't acknowledging that I'm doing a great job of holding the place together. But then again they never asked me to do that. In fact they purposefully and clearly DIDN"T ask me to do that (they refused to name me interim director). So I'm working the hours and doing the job, but I have no title (and no authority, except I do have authority to spend money). But is that their fault or mine? I think it is my fault because they never asked me to do this. So if I'm doing it anyway what right do I have to expect them to appreciate it - they didn't want me to be doing it in the first place.
And there ARE people who do appreciate what I'm doing. The rest of the staff is very happy with me. Some of the volunteers and patrons are ready to fight for me if I want.
So it feels like I'm angry because *I'm* doing the wrong thing. So why should I be saying something pissy to them?
He says that they didn't take my candidacy seriously. They didn't take anyone's candidacy seriously if they didn't have an MLS. They DID interview me - that's more than they did for anyone else (except the guy who will get the job).
So how am I supposed to acknowledge my anger if I think my anger is wrong?
Posted by fairywings on September 16, 2005, at 20:13:43
In reply to Confused about anger, posted by fallsfall on September 16, 2005, at 18:42:01
hi falls
i guess you have to decide how much you're willing to put on the line. my husband did this same thing three times plus trained his three new managers. then, after 5 years was promoted to an even better position with bonuses. so hanging in there and never complaining paid off, even though it caused a lot of headaches and supressed anger. he had to determine if it was worth it. for him it was. this was the last straw though, he was going to quit this year if not given the promotion. i hope your patience pays off for you too, i know it's hard, i couldn't do it, i'm too volitile.
fw
Posted by gardenergirl on September 16, 2005, at 20:53:30
In reply to Confused about anger, posted by fallsfall on September 16, 2005, at 18:42:01
> >
> So how am I supposed to acknowledge my anger if I think my anger is wrong?Good question. But remember from DBT? Feelings are not to be judged. They are not right or wrong.
Are you angry? If you are, you are. If you aren't, you aren't.
If you are, it's up to you if you want to express it or not, to whom and how. There are certainly political reasons for you to be careful in expressing anger at work. It sounds like you need to figure out what exactly you are feeling, what's triggered it, and then what you want to do about it. You can express it without having to confront work folks. Or you can decide you NEED to confront work folks, and figure out the most effective way to do it.
Any chance your T might be projecting his own anger about the library's decision into the mix? I'm sure he cares about you and maybe feels upset that you are not getting credit, etc.
Just some thoughts...
gg
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