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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 11:09:46
I must have slept most of the past two days. That sort of sleep where you really have no choice. The sort where you really shouldn't drive.
Anyway, the dream was that several Babblers were staying at my house. And I wasn't a very good hostess. :(
Posted by Tamar on June 25, 2005, at 11:16:54
In reply to I just woke up from a dream, posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 11:09:46
> I must have slept most of the past two days. That sort of sleep where you really have no choice. The sort where you really shouldn't drive.
>
> Anyway, the dream was that several Babblers were staying at my house. And I wasn't a very good hostess. :(You don't need to be a good hostess. You just need to be you. We can figure out where stuff is, and help cook and wash up and so on.
Unless by 'not a very good hostess' you mean you murdered us...
Posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 11:31:11
In reply to Re: I just woke up from a dream » Dinah, posted by Tamar on June 25, 2005, at 11:16:54
lol. No, not murdered.
Just wasn't very attentive.
Maybe it was my subconscious thinking about what my husband said. Scowl. I hate to do that.
Posted by Tamar on June 25, 2005, at 16:11:34
In reply to Re: I just woke up from a dream » Tamar, posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 11:31:11
> lol. No, not murdered.
>
> Just wasn't very attentive.
>
> Maybe it was my subconscious thinking about what my husband said. Scowl. I hate to do that.What did your husband say? Did I miss something?
Posted by pinkeye on June 25, 2005, at 16:15:21
In reply to I just woke up from a dream, posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 11:09:46
Is it possible you are thinking you are not participating in babble as much as before and blaming yourself for it??
Posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 16:58:43
In reply to Re: I just woke up from a dream » Dinah, posted by Tamar on June 25, 2005, at 16:11:34
It was that conversation about which came first, my detachment or his disapproval.
I still vote for disapproval, and think that caused my detachment.
But maybe I'm thinking about it.
Posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 17:01:26
In reply to Re: I just woke up from a dream » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on June 25, 2005, at 16:15:21
I think it might be some guilt on my part, or shame or something, that I may be nicer online than in person, because in person I can't maintain the same level of engagement for extended periods of time.
My husband thinks I'm too disengaged at home.
It is a bit true that I need a lot of alone time, but so does he. I remember in our first years of marriage, I was more likely to seek him out than vice versa, although we both managed lots of alone time.
Posted by daisym on June 25, 2005, at 17:18:42
In reply to I just woke up from a dream, posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 11:09:46
Sounds like you need Camp Comfort. Perhaps you feel so comfortable with us that you don't think of us as guests...more like family (the ones we like) that sit in the kitchen and do the dishes together.
I think I'm entering one of those "I'm not your slave" periods where I get my nose out of joint for being the "only one" who ever does stuff. I can see it coming, I just don't know how to head it off at the pass. And I think that comes from my husband making jabs about certain things not getting done. (Sorry, I just don't CARE about the dust on top of your big screen...) It shows up in my dreams too.
Another way to look at this is perhaps you need us to come over a lend a hand. I'm ready!
Posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 18:33:39
In reply to Re: I just woke up from a dream » Dinah, posted by daisym on June 25, 2005, at 17:18:42
Ummm....
My husband does way more housework than I do. :)
Posted by alexandra_k on June 25, 2005, at 18:51:58
In reply to Re: I just woke up from a dream » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 17:01:26
> I think it might be some guilt on my part, or shame or something, that I may be nicer online than in person, because in person I can't maintain the same level of engagement for extended periods of time.
:-(
I worry about that too.
I think I'm a much nicer / better person online than I am IRL (So I hate to think what people who don't like me online would make of me IRL!).
But... Well, I know in my case I vary a bit online too. When I am in a good space I feel more able to be supportive, and when I am in a bad place I have trouble doing much aside from venting and soaking up support. But it comes in roundabouts so I guess thats ok. I am like that IRL too.> My husband thinks I'm too disengaged at home.
Could you comprimise a bit more?
It sounds like he wants to feel more emotionally connected to you.
Maybe do something you both enjoy together?
I don't know.
Posted by Dinah on June 26, 2005, at 9:10:04
In reply to Re: I just woke up from a dream » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on June 25, 2005, at 18:51:58
I'm trying a bit.
He's trying to express more approval too. Unfortunately, his way of doing that is physical. He's giving me butterfly light kisses on the mouth everytime he sees me. Unfortunately, kisses ignite my fight or flight response. I'm using it as an opportunity to practice exposure and response prevention, but it's getting progressively more difficult.
Posted by fallsfall on June 26, 2005, at 11:04:35
In reply to Re: I just woke up from a dream » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on June 26, 2005, at 9:10:04
He is trying to be nice. I'm sure if you suggested a different way, that he would be happy to be nice in a different way.
Posted by Dinah on June 26, 2005, at 11:10:46
In reply to Re: I just woke up from a dream » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on June 26, 2005, at 11:04:35
I know, I know. It's rotten of me. I felt bad as soon as I wrote it.
I just can't seem to get over that phobic reaction and I feel like I should.
My husband, incidentally, knows of my phobic response. He thinks it's something I should get over, too.
Posted by pinkeye on June 26, 2005, at 15:25:39
In reply to Re: I just woke up from a dream » pinkeye, posted by Dinah on June 25, 2005, at 17:01:26
Would it help you to try to integrate the two personalities more - Dinah and the real you? Maybe you should try to understand the real good things about Dinah - being extremely patient, polite, always willing to help, seeing the middle ground etc and integrate that into your real self? That way you won't feel guilty. And also maybe you can integrate your real life personality into Dinah - you don't always have to help here that much if you are not in a mood, and don't always have to be very polite.
That way, you will really grow yourself and maybe the part of the conflict is that you separate the two personalities a lot and you feel overwhelmed.
This is the end of the thread.
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