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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Skittles on February 18, 2005, at 17:14:16
Therapy has continued to be a struggle. I've still been sitting mute a good deal of the time and have not been able to say much at all about the csa. My therapist has started sitting with me on the sofa and that has been extremely helpful. We've also noticed that I seem to be able to open up a bit more at the end of a session.
My T told me yesterday that she feels very torn about pushing me. On the one hand, she doesn't want me to talk when I don't want to or am not ready, but on the other she said it's clear that I am living a tortured existence and she is becoming increasingly worried about me. She suggested scheduling one or some (I'm not really sure how many she intends) double sessions. I told her that part of me really wanted to do that but it also felt like a *lot* of pressure to perform on demand, so to speak. She said she thought I might need that pressure. I wouldn't agree to it and she asked me to think about it. Well, think I did and I left a message this morning saying I would do it.
Well, apparently my therapist really jumped on this. I got a call from her secretary this afternoon and, to my surprise (and dismay, I might add), my Monday morning appointment is now two hours long!!! I am so terrified and anxious. I didn't expect it to get scheduled so quickly and just don't know if I am really able to do this. It has been suggested that I write, but these things I just cannot put to paper. There is something about having it printed on paper and carrying it with me that is simply too much to bear. How do I get through this??
Posted by mair on February 18, 2005, at 17:43:42
In reply to Feeling some pressure, posted by Skittles on February 18, 2005, at 17:14:16
I understand the pressure you feel. Maybe it might have been better if the T had just made sure she didn't have anything scheduled for the hour after your session. Then if you were starting to open up some, she could just nonchalantly suggest that you stay longer. Of course this doesn't work unless your schedule allows you to stay.
I used to be the master of not opening up until time was almost up. And my T has told me that one of her most important jobs is figuring out the best pace of therapy. For a long time she really didn't push me ever because she said she was afraid of traumatizing me. And then we talked about it and it seemed pretty obvious that I could go on forever with therapy-lite and never get anywhere.
Maybe your T just feels you can deal with a little more now if you're given enough time. Try not to think of it as pressure, but rather as a gift so you don't feel like you have to leave just when you get started.
Let us know how it goes.
Mair
Posted by Dinah on February 18, 2005, at 19:53:14
In reply to Feeling some pressure, posted by Skittles on February 18, 2005, at 17:14:16
Where the results are as yet unknown? And be interested in what happens rather than feeling pressured to have a certain outcome?
The outcome might be that you don't start talking till an hour and a half in. And that's an ok result to the experiment. You discover it's not the time lapsed but the time remaining that determines how much you feel safe divulging. Or you might discover that it really does allow you to delve deeper. Even so, you get to choose how deep you want to delve.
Nothing has to happen that isn't your choice - double session or no.
Your therapist may have no special expectations at all. Maybe she's just seeing if this will be helpful. Maybe she's considering many possibilities of what might be helpful.
It might be useful to you to talk to her about the pressure of inferred expectations.
Posted by Speaker on February 18, 2005, at 20:37:15
In reply to Can you think of it as an experiment? » Skittles, posted by Dinah on February 18, 2005, at 19:53:14
I went to double sessions for the same reason you are. It takes me about 45 min to begin to open up...who can walk in and not warm up to the person and just open up. For me I found that I would begin to open up at the end of a session and felt left when I had to stop without any resolve. The double sessions have worked great for me and I know if I have silent times that I still have plenty of time to talk when I can formulate any kind of thought. I find csa VERY difficult to even begin to put to words. I hope this is encouraging to you and I trust it will go well for you. Remember you are paying and you can leave any time you want to...you are in control of your therapy. Take care!!!
Posted by daisym on February 20, 2005, at 23:22:16
In reply to Feeling some pressure, posted by Skittles on February 18, 2005, at 17:14:16
I think the idea of a double session is a good one if you have a hard time opening up. I often don't know how to start, so I've asked my therapist to either push a little or ask questions if I can't seem to get going. He is very gentle but it has helped a lot.
Let us know how it goes. This stuff is really hard to talk about. Be kind to yourself.
Daisy
Posted by littleone on February 23, 2005, at 20:10:36
In reply to Feeling some pressure, posted by Skittles on February 18, 2005, at 17:14:16
Posted by Skittles on February 23, 2005, at 20:37:34
In reply to How did it go? (nm) » Skittles, posted by littleone on February 23, 2005, at 20:10:36
I am very mixed about what happened in my appointment on Monday and have been struggling badly ever since. I have another (regular length) session tomorrow and am feeling absolutely paralyzed about it. To say that I am overwhelmed is an understatement.
Thank you all for your support and advice. I just can't go into the details right now. I have to keep it put away for now. I am in survival mode.
This is the end of the thread.
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