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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on December 8, 2004, at 18:28:19
Going to the opposite sex therapist complicates things so very much. It is totally not worth it. I feel it just adds so much more problems to the already troubled mind.
Why would anyone go to opposite sex therapist? The attraction and the emotional involvement is so very huge. I feel it is almost impossible to come out of it feeling unscathed.
I used to go to a male therapist. I still have not got out of all my emotional attachment with him, though he has been extremely helpful and understanding and patient. I don't think I ever will stop liking him. Now I go to a female therapist and I feel so much relieved on the absense of any emotional attachment with her. With him just dealing with the emotional attachment took a huge toll on me and still is.
Posted by crushedout on December 8, 2004, at 18:43:38
In reply to Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist, posted by pinkeye on December 8, 2004, at 18:28:19
not everyone is straight and even some who are end up with complicated transferences and attractions to their same-sex therapists.
Posted by pinkeye on December 8, 2004, at 18:53:13
In reply to just a point » pinkeye, posted by crushedout on December 8, 2004, at 18:43:38
Yeah I think the reverse should be said for people who are get attracted to same sex people.
> not everyone is straight and even some who are end up with complicated transferences and attractions to their same-sex therapists.
Posted by gardenergirl on December 8, 2004, at 19:22:52
In reply to Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist, posted by pinkeye on December 8, 2004, at 18:28:19
I agree that the therapy relationship can be a breeding ground for attraction, attachment, and strong feelings. However, I don't think this an absolute. If it plays out in any specific therapy relationship, then it must be what's needed to work out.
I see a male T, and I have benefitted a great deal from working with him. I can't say that I feel sexual attraction to him, and if I did encounter any sexual feelings in therapy, it most likely would be as a result of a paternal transference and probably Oedipal issues. Which would be different from the sexual feelings I have for, say, my husband.
I'm sorry for those who are hurt deeply by erotic transferences. I'm sure it's just awful and confusing. I do know it can be worked through, but it takes courage and patience on the part of both the T and the client. And good boundaries. Fortunately, I trust that my T has all of those, so I feel safe in working with him.
It sounds like you've had a difficult time?
gg
Posted by pinkeye on December 8, 2004, at 19:39:09
In reply to Re: Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist » pinkeye, posted by gardenergirl on December 8, 2004, at 19:22:52
I have been having strong erotic attachment to my therapist for nearly two and a half years now. I have tried to work through it with him and he has been supportive, but to no avail. That is why I think it is best avoided all together.
Pinkeye.
> I agree that the therapy relationship can be a breeding ground for attraction, attachment, and strong feelings. However, I don't think this an absolute. If it plays out in any specific therapy relationship, then it must be what's needed to work out.
>
> I see a male T, and I have benefitted a great deal from working with him. I can't say that I feel sexual attraction to him, and if I did encounter any sexual feelings in therapy, it most likely would be as a result of a paternal transference and probably Oedipal issues. Which would be different from the sexual feelings I have for, say, my husband.
>
> I'm sorry for those who are hurt deeply by erotic transferences. I'm sure it's just awful and confusing. I do know it can be worked through, but it takes courage and patience on the part of both the T and the client. And good boundaries. Fortunately, I trust that my T has all of those, so I feel safe in working with him.
>
> It sounds like you've had a difficult time?
>
> gg
Posted by fallsfall on December 8, 2004, at 20:58:56
In reply to Re: Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist, posted by pinkeye on December 8, 2004, at 19:39:09
What kind of therapy does he do? I had a very strong transference with a female therapist (not erotic), and then I changed to a male therapist and ended up with the same transference with him. She was not able to help me work through it (because the therapy that she did didn't include transference work). My male therapist has been very helpful with my transference issues.
I'm not sure that people don't have the same transference come up with people of the same sex (assuming heterosexual) - but it may be easier for them to discount it - to see that it has components from other people/time, if what they are feeling doesn't rationally make sense to them.
Posted by annierose on December 8, 2004, at 21:17:09
In reply to Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist, posted by pinkeye on December 8, 2004, at 18:28:19
One thing you wrote puzzled me, that going to a same sex therapist eliminates emotional attachment-hence making the therapy easier for you. I am a straight, married female, with a female T and I feel a strong emotional attachment to my T. I don't feel it's a maternal attachment (but maybe it is, heck, I don't know). I do look up to her, but for wisdom, those "ohhhh" moments ... or as Oprah says "Ah ha" moments. And I think attachment is good. I used to be scared of feeling that way, but I'm not anymore.
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2004, at 21:49:24
In reply to Re: Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist » pinkeye, posted by annierose on December 8, 2004, at 21:17:09
I thought my old very sexy professor invented ah-hah moments! I wonder if Oprah had him too?
Posted by Dinah on December 8, 2004, at 21:53:07
In reply to Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist, posted by pinkeye on December 8, 2004, at 18:28:19
to them sexually.
But there are other types of attachments that can be nearly as painful. Not quite as painful though, I must admit.
My therapist is a man, and I'm sure many women would find him attractive. But he's not my physical type. If he had had gold arm hairs curling over his watch and visible from his rolled up sleeves, and crinkly blue eyes, and a lopsided grin, I'd never have gone to see him more than once.
But I have an enormously strong maternal attachment to him. And sometimes it hurts that he doesn't see me as a daughter. :(
Posted by alexandra_k on December 9, 2004, at 0:41:11
In reply to Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist, posted by pinkeye on December 8, 2004, at 18:28:19
I have had a number of different transference types.
One female was like a big sister to me (the big sister I never had). She wasn't that much older than me though.
Older females bring up all the issues I had with my mother.
I get erotic transference bigtime for male T's. I don't mind this too much, though. I don't think I obsess too much, and I quite enjoy feeling in love (even if it is transference it still feels good). I would like to work thorough my transference issues. Hopefully I will be able to one day.
If you work through one type of transference stuff, then does that generalise to the other types, or do you need to work through them all individually?
Curious
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on December 9, 2004, at 8:31:27
In reply to Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist, posted by pinkeye on December 8, 2004, at 18:28:19
I tried two female therapists before my current male therapist and they did absolutely nothing for me. I have huge father issues and feel a male therapist was an appropriate choice. Of course I have tranference issues and I would love to sleep with him, but I also realize these feelings are completely surreal and unrealistic. They are fantasies which I recognize as fantasies.
Not everyone who has an opposite sex therapist goes through painful transference. I think if you have a good T, regardless of the sex of that T, you will more than likely have strong transference and feelings of love. How can you not love someone who is helping to change your life for the better?
When I was going through physical therapy for a ruptured achilles tenson, I developed a huge crush on my female physical therapist. She was taking care of me and helping me get better. I fell instantly in love. I am straight but that didn't stop me from "transferring."
Posted by pinkeye on December 9, 2004, at 13:11:28
In reply to Re: Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist » pinkeye, posted by fallsfall on December 8, 2004, at 20:58:56
I was doing CBT with my previous male therapist. I don't really know how much of it was transference and how much of it was genuine liking. I guess I really liked him - he was very much like me. I thought for 2 years that it will go away but now I realised it is probably never going to go away - the only way is to stop contacting him (I have contact with him only via email for the past 2 years- it is a long story).
Now I see a female therapist and I don't have any attachment towards her. I don't have any transference and no feelings at all. And I guess she also does not have any feelings for me. She doesn't show any affection or share anything about herself so maybe that is part of it.
Posted by annierose on December 9, 2004, at 16:53:59
In reply to Re: Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist, posted by pinkeye on December 9, 2004, at 13:11:28
Here's a question: can you be productive in therapy with no attachment? I guess it depends upon the type of treatment you are in. Pyschodynamic therapy would foster feelings to be explored. Just rambling and curious pinkeye, that you seemed so detached from T and her to you.
Do you like it that way? I'm not making a judgment (although I know it came off that way ... I'm not a very good writer).
Posted by pinkeye on December 9, 2004, at 17:19:17
In reply to Re: Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist, posted by annierose on December 9, 2004, at 16:53:59
I actually like it very much this way. With my previous T, I was so enormously attached that it hurt a lot. 3/4 ths of the time, I was wondering if he liked me, why he didn't respond, etc etc.
I cannot go through it again. I know with my new T that she doesn't care even a little bit about me and I like it this way. Atleast I don't have to worry about liking her and wondering why she didn't like me.
Even if I don't make much of a progress, I am better off with this than go through an intense attachment again.
Pinkeye.> Here's a question: can you be productive in therapy with no attachment? I guess it depends upon the type of treatment you are in. Pyschodynamic therapy would foster feelings to be explored. Just rambling and curious pinkeye, that you seemed so detached from T and her to you.
> Do you like it that way? I'm not making a judgment (although I know it came off that way ... I'm not a very good writer).
Posted by annierose on December 9, 2004, at 22:12:10
In reply to Re: Blessed are those who go to the same sex therapist, posted by pinkeye on December 9, 2004, at 17:19:17
Pinkeye -
I'm sure your new T does care about you. Caring doesn't only involve sexual feelings. She cares about you as a person. And that is important. And she cares about you feeling better. That is why she chose this profession. But I understand and agree the pain that can come from transferance. Maybe I choose a female T so that wasn't an issue (the sexual attraction, falling in love part), although I do care for her and feel attached. It isn't painful, rather a good feeling of feeling understood, important and that my experience matters. Isn't it amazing how different we all are?
This is the end of the thread.
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