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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2004, at 23:06:33
Shouldn't have cancelled the sex therapist. My annual checkup is tomorrow and I'm dreading my doctor asking me why I don't get the surgery she recommended. She seemed put out last year.
But they probably only look at last year's chart, right? Maybe she won't notice the surgery notation. Or if she's all mad, maybe I could tell her I'm looking into seeing a sex therapist?
Why on earth does it matter to me if a doctor I only see once a year is mad at me?
Posted by fallsfall on October 6, 2004, at 6:43:41
In reply to Should've gone to that specialist, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2004, at 23:06:33
She *recommended* the surgery because you had complained about something (if I recall correctly). Unless I am understanding this issue wrong, the surgery would be designed make your sex life better. You *have* the choice of leaving things as they are, or having the surgery. If you want to leave things as they are, you can do that. It is also OK to ask if there are any alternative treatments since the surgery doesn't seem to be particularly enticing to you.
She was just trying to present you with a solution to the problem you told her about. You are not obligated to have the surgery just because she mentioned it.
Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2004, at 6:50:43
In reply to Re: Should've gone to that specialist » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on October 6, 2004, at 6:43:41
It wasn't the mentioning. I appreciated the mentioning. It was the asking me why I hadn't had it done and getting irritable and abruptly ending the appointment (q&a time is after exam) with a snippy comment that upset me. She's just not happy with my attitude towards sex.
Enought that I got scared into trying to make the appointment when I made hers. I'm really hoping she's forgotten this time, because I don't like people mad at me.
And yes, I know. I could find another doctor, but this one makes me feel safe and the good ones aren't accepting new patients.
Posted by Racer on October 6, 2004, at 9:52:09
In reply to Re: Should've gone to that specialist » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on October 6, 2004, at 6:50:43
Dinah, whom I look up to so much? Afraid of *anyone*? Say it ain't so!
Sorry, had to tease you a bit. I do look up to you, though, you know.
Anyway, I do think that the sex therapist was the first choice for any problem you might have regarding -- you know. Surgery, no matter how minor, is always a last resort. If your doctor doesn't understand why that is, that's her distorted perspective.
(My aunt, the Human Steamroller, has been watching those "Extreme Makeover" type shows lately, and the result is that she keeps bringing up plastic surgery to me. "Oh, if I ever win the Lottery, I'll pay for you to have a breast reduction, dear." Um, hello? That's major surgery? Maybe there are reasons I might not jump at the idea of having tons of chemicals pumped into my body to knock me out, while some guy with a sharp knife amputates parts of my body? Maybe I'd want to think about that? Let's get back to reality here, 'K?)
Anyway, if you like and trust this doctor, then this gives you an opportunity to learn to say something like, "Gee, Doc, before I considered surgery, I wanted to explore non-invasive options first. If this doesn't help, then I'll have a consult with the specialist you recommended." And, if that's not entirely enough for her, you can add something like, "It's taking me a while, because this is a loaded issue for me. Still, even if I'm going slowly, I am moving forward on it. I'm just doing it at a pace that I feel more comfortable with."
Hell, woman! How long have you had this problem? How long have you been married? If it were a deal killer in your marriage, wouldn't that have shown up by now? Is your doctor part of your marriage, to make decisions about *when* you deal with this?
Best luck, and much teasing to you.
Posted by Dinah on October 6, 2004, at 12:00:31
In reply to You're gonna disillusion me! » Dinah, posted by Racer on October 6, 2004, at 9:52:09
Sorry to disillusion you. (grin).
I generally have no trouble being assertive with authority figures I dislike. I generally have no trouble being assertive with authority figures I like well enough to convey affection with my assertiveness. It's the ones in between that turn me meek and mild. Plus, I'm sure you understand that the particular position I found myself in does not lend itself well to assertiveness. ;)
It wasn't so bad. She walked in the door the conversation went like this. "Still having painful sex?" "Yep" "It must not bother you that much." (because I hadn't called for surgery) I mumbled something about issues that I was working on. Then more confidently stated that my husband was opposed because of general anasthesia. So she said we could do it with an epidural. Drat. There goes my favorite excuse!
If I make it through my current stressors, I'll try to consider the sex therapist again. 'Cause it looks like she's going to make a note on each year's chart. And I do think I really need a sex therapist. Well, when I'm thinking rationally I think I need one. She's the only one around though, and she won't agree to see me without my therapist's ok, and my therapist won't give his ok until I emotionally think it's ok to have one.
Posted by Racer on October 6, 2004, at 12:41:21
In reply to Re: Not so bad » Racer, posted by Dinah on October 6, 2004, at 12:00:31
You are Dinah! You done good, you get the Racer Seal of Approval -- feed her lots of herring...
I do wish I could help you, but the best I can say is that you gotta be sexual when you're all alone in order to get good at being sexual with someone else. And shopping at Good Vibrations -- which has a website -- helped me more than anything else could have. That's another option to explore, if you really don't want to deal with anyone else quite yet.
Also, is it possible that it's a question on physical build? (An ex of mine was built in such a way that his you-know knocked something around my cervix with every move. Hurt like a son of a bad word, but never had the problem with anyone else.)
Bestest good luck to you, Dinah. I'm glad you're still letting me sit at your feet and look up.
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