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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by 64bowtie on September 28, 2004, at 19:17:41
Remarkable
All my life I have been watching my Dad. Recently, he apparently started watching me. A few days ago, my Dad who was institutionalized in the 1950's, and was treated to electro-convulsive as well as Insulin shock treatments, told me he felt I was a little screwed up in the head and was acting crazy. Instead of being dismissive or upset, I chose to dig deeper to find out what he might be seeing.
All his life he has been watching “big people” to find out what was “normal”. He confesses its been sometimes futile, since “big people” very often appeared to act arbitrarily and corrupted, leaving him confused about what “normal’ ever was or really is. Even so, there can be elegance in simplicity (just depends on the salesman), I’ve found.
What concerned him from this point of view is, that I talked and thought with very little harmony to other people, and their thinking and talking ways. WHEW! I finally made it! I see where most others are going and how they are (or aren’t) thinking, so disharmony is my chance to keep from being like them and falling into the same traps they complain about. Makes me certain I’m on the right track.
I can continue to change and grow, mostly unchallenged, allowing me to grow and perfect how I say what I say and mean what I mean. Further, this adds to my overall feelings of freedom and happiness, which I so cherish. I now am free to feel what I want to feel and think what I want to think. I no longer mistake “comfort” and “feel-goods” for freedom and happiness.
Since I seem to learn more while faced with a light case of “discomfort”, I feel I have a good thing going here in a state of disharmony. Perhaps I am already successful, if modestly so.
Rod
Posted by Speaker on September 28, 2004, at 20:42:15
In reply to Remarkable, posted by 64bowtie on September 28, 2004, at 19:17:41
Rod,
I am so impressed that you would keep your cool and ask your father what he was seeing. I would probably get mad and defensive...you are the remarkable one. It sounds like your father has gone through a lot and usually there is a lot to be learned from people that have struggled. I'm glad you are in a place to gain. I did have one question if you don't mind answering. What did your father mean by he watches "big people"?
Posted by 64bowtie on September 29, 2004, at 0:48:17
In reply to Re: Remarkable » 64bowtie, posted by Speaker on September 28, 2004, at 20:42:15
Thanx, Speaker,
> What did your father mean by he watches "big people"?
<<< I guess I didn't draw a clear picture saying it the way I did. All my life, my Dad has assigned Godlike authority to certain famous and powerful people, starting with his 6'8" Dad, and including his four older siblings (he says he was the runt at 5'10"). Everyone in his back-woods early existence was much taller than he was, thus "big-people". Today, famous and successful people have always been right when he agrees with them, and crooks when they acted or thought in opposition. Never a middle ground, but always "big-people".
<<< What a couple! My Mom had a nemesis in all "rich-people". Boy was that fun growing up with counter-success-motives being injuncting on me and my brothers, this way and that. We walk today, each with our own peculiar "emotional-limp". (grumble, grumble)
Thanx again,Rod
Posted by just plain jane on September 29, 2004, at 8:58:33
In reply to Re: Remarkable big people » Speaker, posted by 64bowtie on September 29, 2004, at 0:48:17
Rod,
I have always had a problem with this exalting of "big people".
Such a rotten counterproductive thing to be instilled in you and your siblings.
My disregard for "station", my innate visualization of people as if they were children, my lack of reverence in the face of authority, have all placed me in some rough spots in life. At the same time, it provided me the strength to deal with those rough spots, and the "big people" trying to manipulate my life, in a dignified and diplomatic manner.
The most difficult "big people" were my parents, siblings and extended family members. They had predetermined who I was and was going to be. Big error. I have since had cousins, aunts and uncles on both maternal and paternal sides of my family apologize to me for the way they treated or for not intervening in the way my immediate family tormented me.
I did not learn to stand up for myself from my folks. I learned how it feels to be crushed every time you start to stand, be silenced upon an utterance of thought, be taunted and set up to believe that life was only a series of agonizing psychological beatings from all other people. And then, eventually, I learned that all of that was pure bullshyt.
I stood up
and walked away.It has taken me 32 of my 48 years to reach the place I call home in my psyche. Of course, homes are never perfect and often need cleaning up, disposing of trash that somehow accumulates, repeated exterminating of mental rodentia who somehow creep back in.
I am comfortable here. It gets better, instead of worse or the shytty status quo.
I love my family, but I do not expect or trust them to treat me any better than they have all my life. It is sad to see how intimidated they are by my independence and refusal to hold them up as dictators. I moved to a place I enjoy which is a day or more drive from all of them and do not feel compelled to run down and visit.
As for the "big people", well, if I can deal with my "big" family, I can certainly deal with some kid in a grownup's body trying to prove to him/herself that he/she is, indeed, important.
Poor kids.
just plain jane
PS. I reserve the act of bowing before someone for my Lord God and His Son.
Posted by 64bowtie on September 29, 2004, at 13:36:26
In reply to UNremarkable big people; rod, posted by just plain jane on September 29, 2004, at 8:58:33
Pj,
Mental Rodentia => ......... mind pests? No matter, because its a great picture of what can sneak in and devour our common sense.
>
> I stood up
> and walked away.
>Hooooo-rah, hooooo-rah!
> I love my family, but...<
PJ, I hate to say this, however, this is sure sign of a qualified statement. I accept your statement, I just caution that it belies whatever attitude you seem to be left with about them. The clear clue is "but". Love ain't tolerance, even if it may contain or require tolerance; it ain't tolerance. Prima facia: if they're jerks, they're jerks. Distance is so refreshing.
(This is not you): Folks who are confused about the difference of love and approval, trade approvals almost exclusively. Its difficult. Unless we are around an evolved and loving person, we don't gotta clue. I know. I see a vast difference between a loving person and an approval trading person.
(I am so cinical)
Any chimpanzee can trade approvals.That said, you can dismiss the immediately past episode as you seeking his love, and not even getting his approval. You are, and always will be, worth more than that. "Better" can be just around the corner.
Another earmark of approval trading and calling it love, is when that intense all consuming desire that seems to last forever, suddenly and dramatically turns to disgust. There's always a story to tell about why it happened, but the abruptness of those delightful feelings changing into disgust and regret, seems a mystery, and most therapists don't seem to understand what's going on with love-vs-approval.
Hope you're able to see past your feelings to the next aesthetically pleasing episode. Join other aesthetic seekers. They have to be evolved in order to distinguish the finer nature of aesthetics. This ain't tantric, but tantric's not excluded either.
What do you think and feel and intend?
Rod
Ps: Miss your "buckies" already....
Posted by AuntieMel on September 29, 2004, at 14:39:53
In reply to Re: Re: thanx for connecting... » just plain jane, posted by 64bowtie on September 29, 2004, at 13:36:26
I am one who 'loves my family but'
My biggest family issues were with my father. He died. Problem solved....
I love my mother, but: her unwillingness to get her hearing checked, rather subjecting us to large volumes of tv volume, then shouting to be heard over it......and other annoying habits. And she gets her political views from my brother, probably because he talks louder than others.
On the good side, she has a good sense of humor, is always there when I need her (well, except for her not being able to protect the kiddos) and just a good person to be around.
I love my brother, but: He's, shall we say - unpolished? he gets all his news from (fair and balanced) fox. And if they didn't talk about it, it didn't happen. He's like a bull everywhere he goes and his idea of debating an issue is repeating what he just said - only louder.
I love both of them - but they can annoy the bejeezers out of me.
So - it is possible to say I love my family, but.
Posted by Susan47 on September 29, 2004, at 20:42:42
In reply to Re: I love my family, but » 64bowtie, posted by AuntieMel on September 29, 2004, at 14:39:53
Reading posts on this thread is like visiting my family. :]
This is the end of the thread.
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