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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Speaker on September 22, 2004, at 11:03:46
I have been with this T for a year. Last week for the first time I got a sense that he cared. That came because he told me to call in on a Tues. and leave him a time he could touch base with me. I didn't call because I didn't even want to talk to the receptionist. When I went in Friday he said I checked my messages several times Tues. to see when we were going to talk. This is the first time I got a sense he even thought of me when I wasn't paying him. My old T was quick to extend himself in many ways. He would offer a hug at the end of a difficult session, offer to call later in the day to ck. on me, call when he was on vacation, and always remind me at the end of a session that he was only a phone call away if I needed him in between appt's. Therefore, it has made it much harder with this T but he is very good and I do like him...just a different style. How does your T show you caring???
Posted by Racer on September 22, 2004, at 12:10:22
In reply to How does you T show they care?, posted by Speaker on September 22, 2004, at 11:03:46
SparklingBright asks me to call and check in over the weekend each week. Just a voicemail, but it really makes such a difference for me. She is also so clearly *present* with me in sessions, that ineffable quality that makes it all "work" for me. Leaving a voicemail message may not seem like a lot, but somehow it's that one little bit that makes me feel secure, and cared about.
Compare and contrast to The Other Three from The Nightmare Place. Voicemails were rarely returned, and were certainly frowned upon, as showing that I was being "dependant", rather than showing my progress by being "independant."
I guess for me, it really is the little things. That little voicemail check in, knowing that she'll call back if I say I want her to -- Oh my! I guess that's called "trust"! What a concept! She shows she cares by showing that she's a safe depository for my trust!
It's good to hear that your new T is showing you this, too.
(And does your posting name have anything to do with Ender Wiggins?)
Posted by Speaker on September 22, 2004, at 13:38:57
In reply to Re: How does you T show they care?, posted by Racer on September 22, 2004, at 12:10:22
No, my name comes from speaking with my job...however, I just quit last week after many years. I did think I should change it but - oh well! I'm sorry but I must have missed something. Who are " The Other Three from The Nightmare Place"? I gather your old T but what is the 3? You are very fortunate that your T shows you so much care. I struggle with this and my T...as you see its the first time in a year.
Thanks for your input!
Posted by daisym on September 22, 2004, at 14:08:02
In reply to Re: How does you T show they care?, posted by Racer on September 22, 2004, at 12:10:22
RACER,
I loved Ender's Game! And the whole series actually. I never connected the name though, I'm dim these days.
Nice to see you posting. I'd love an update when you are up to it.
Daisy
Posted by daisym on September 22, 2004, at 14:11:03
In reply to How does you T show they care?, posted by Speaker on September 22, 2004, at 11:03:46
He tells me, often and with his actions.
Sometimes it is very hard to take in and I find that the trust is still more fragile than I want to think it is.
One of the ways is that he pushes me to let go of my solid all-together exterior and really tell him all of it. He makes it clear that it is about me and that is so unusual in my life.
The other thing...he remembers little details and brings them up again. Like quoting from the card I gave him, or asking about a work thing. It makes me feel like he listens.
Posted by shrinking violet on September 22, 2004, at 18:33:34
In reply to Re: How does you T show they care? » Speaker, posted by daisym on September 22, 2004, at 14:11:03
Good question....
My T tells me, often, that she cares about me.
She is patient and warm, compassionate and humble. I can see that she cares in her eyes, hear it in her voice, see it in her expressions and actions.
She calls me when I sound upset in an email. She takes the time to read my writings or journals between sessions, she answers my emails (even when I often don't specifically ask for a reply). She is invested professionally (and maybe even personally/emotionally, on some level).
She thinks about me in-between sessions, even while she was on vacation for two weeks.
She tries different things that she thinks may help me.
.....There's probably more, but those are the most prominent.
Posted by Dinah on September 22, 2004, at 19:19:12
In reply to How does you T show they care?, posted by Speaker on September 22, 2004, at 11:03:46
He just yelled at me. Does that count? Oddly it reassured me, because he had just *not* answered a rather ambiguous voice message I left him today. I thought I had told him only to call if he thought there was a problem - and then got mad when he didn't call and therefore didn't think there was a problem. While he thought I had just called to leave information and hadn't wanted a return call. Then he yelled at me for not realizing he would be concerned.
I think that counts. But maybe it's just my family background.
Posted by Poet on September 22, 2004, at 19:32:42
In reply to How does you T show they care?, posted by Speaker on September 22, 2004, at 11:03:46
Hi Speaker,
She tells me she cares about me and that even if I couldn't pay her anything she'd continue to see me. I believe her, she had me look directly into her eyes when she said it and she wasn't lying.
Poet
Posted by shortelise on September 22, 2004, at 20:46:30
In reply to How does you T show they care?, posted by Speaker on September 22, 2004, at 11:03:46
This is a question I would have thought would be easy to answer because I am so certain - now - that my T does care about me.
Is it that I've seen him for six years (and counting) and he hasn't thrown me out? Is it that he has reassured me again and againt hat I have some worth? Or is it that he has had the kindness and patience to help me?
He called me a few times when I was going through rough periods. It shocked the beejeezus out of me (the lengths I go to to respect the "be civil" rule!). And he tells me that he cares about me - when I told him once that I wanted him to love me, he said I couldn't expect that. I could expect caring, respect, etc, but not love. That felt very caring.
He does care. And I know it. I used to be convinced that he hated me - it took him a lot to talk me out of that.
ShortE
Posted by gardenergirl on September 22, 2004, at 21:48:05
In reply to Re: How does you T show they care? » Speaker, posted by shortelise on September 22, 2004, at 20:46:30
You know, I am certain that my T cares, but it's hard to quantify or qualify. I think that he laughs with me in sessions at times. That he treats me unconditionally, and he demonstrates that he *sees* me. That's such a big difference from other significant people in my life. And he doesn't seem to become bored or irritated if I tell the same story.
Gosh, that's a really tough question.
gg
Posted by Speaker on September 22, 2004, at 22:01:22
In reply to Re: How does you T show they care?, posted by gardenergirl on September 22, 2004, at 21:48:05
GG,
How do you show clients that you care? I'm sure it's hard at times to be on both sides of therapy.
Marie
Posted by gardenergirl on September 22, 2004, at 22:24:15
In reply to Re: How does you T show they care? » gardenergirl, posted by Speaker on September 22, 2004, at 22:01:22
Oh my, another really hard question. Very well timed as I am just now back to seeing clients after having the summer off...
I guess I do it somewhat unconsciously. By trying to be unconditional, non-judgemental, by listening carefully, via empathy, by trying to be 100 percent present to them in the session. I suppose by working with them to help them reach their goals or feel better.
I guess I do this just by trying to be the best T I can, and by trying to understand their truth as it exists and as they wish it exists. I can't say I do or have done anything overtly or intentionally to show I care because I thought it was needed. At least I can't think of anything. I just hope it comes across in what I say and do, and how I "feel" to the clients.
My T has said that one unconscious can talk to another, and perhaps it's via this route that he shows me and I show clients.
Wow, you are tough! Making me think... :) Thanks.
gg
Posted by morning*bell on September 23, 2004, at 8:06:55
In reply to Re: How does your T show they care? » Speaker, posted by gardenergirl on September 22, 2004, at 22:24:15
She tells me she cares about me, and she always seems to know exactly the appropriate time to do so. She makes me feel safe when I am scared, and I rarely let anyone in that much to even see that I'm scared. She's genuinely empathetic, it comes across in her voice, eyes and body language. I guess I am pretty lucky...
Posted by morning*bell on September 23, 2004, at 8:09:35
In reply to Re: How does your T show they care? » Speaker, posted by gardenergirl on September 22, 2004, at 22:24:15
gardnergirl,
you sound like you would be a terrific therapist to have. I've read many of your posts, you always seem so genuine and caring, and I'm sure that comes across loud and clear to your patients :)-morning*bell
> Oh my, another really hard question. Very well timed as I am just now back to seeing clients after having the summer off...
>
> I guess I do it somewhat unconsciously. By trying to be unconditional, non-judgemental, by listening carefully, via empathy, by trying to be 100 percent present to them in the session. I suppose by working with them to help them reach their goals or feel better.
>
> I guess I do this just by trying to be the best T I can, and by trying to understand their truth as it exists and as they wish it exists. I can't say I do or have done anything overtly or intentionally to show I care because I thought it was needed. At least I can't think of anything. I just hope it comes across in what I say and do, and how I "feel" to the clients.
>
> My T has said that one unconscious can talk to another, and perhaps it's via this route that he shows me and I show clients.
>
> Wow, you are tough! Making me think... :) Thanks.
>
> gg
Posted by gardenergirl on September 23, 2004, at 17:25:16
In reply to Re: How does your T show they care? » gardenergirl, posted by morning*bell on September 23, 2004, at 8:09:35
Thanks for saying that. I was wondering if my post was kind of obnoxious when I read it again. Thanks for validating me. Always feels good...
Warmly,
gg
Posted by Pfinstegg on September 23, 2004, at 17:35:27
In reply to Re: How does you T show they care?, posted by gardenergirl on September 22, 2004, at 21:48:05
I feel he cares a lot, but, perhaps because he's an analyst, there aren't many overt things I could point to- for example, no hugs, no reassurance, no actual saying that he cares. The certainty about his caring comes because of how carefully he listens, how everything he says seems to be very genuine, and from the heart, how glad he seems to be if I am able to fully share something difficult- and also because of occasional light moments, when we laugh together, or he shares something about his own life. This is the grown-up speaking; the "girl" part has a much harder time believing that he cares, but I can see how hard he works to help her believe it, also.
This is the end of the thread.
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