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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on August 9, 2004, at 18:36:42
My therapist had just told me last week that I was at a point where I could back off from therapy if I wanted to and to just use therapy as a means of support...which at the time sounded good and so I canceled my appt that was for this week, but as of yesterday,I changed my mind. I called Sunday night and left a message to get back on the books if possible...when I got home from work today, I had a message saying that the person that took my appt on wednesday had to reschedule and so I was getting my appt back after all.
The problem is that I feel so stupid. Im doing good right now but when I realized that I didnt have an appt to talk with my therapist, I became panicky. Something I used to do when I would get nervous is pick at my skin on my fingers..and well, my pointer finger and thumb are raw. I am SO used to being in therapy the idea of backing off scared me. I feel like if Im not able to talk to her that she is going to forget me. I know that she has other people to see as well..but I feel like I need to be talking to her...even though im doing well.
I started to feel lonely when I was realizing that I wasnt going to get to talk to her and I couldnt sleep well...Do you think it would be ok for me to ask her if I can have something to hold onto for times that Im not in therapy that will remind me of her? I dont know what that would be ..but maybe she has something I can borrow for a while. Im so embarressed that Im this dependent on therapy and on her. Is this co dependency? She did say that I had that..but we were thinking that everything was clearing up since I had my surgery... I really dont know how to talk to her about being to attached to therapy...its so embarressing for me...How can she help me to ease the feelings of being attached?
I think that everytime in the past I have called or come by the office..they are keeping count. I used to call all the time...I dont anymore...but if i happen to call or come by...she finds out...is office staff required to tell them about every call or visit? Or is it just something they require for people that are obsessive? I was just wondering ...I havent asked her because Im too embarressed.
I do feel like it is a waste of time for me to just come to therapy for support when im doing well...its not a waste..but someone else who needed her more could be using the time...I feel like I NEED to have an issue to work on when Im in therapy....therapy is work ..its supposed to be hard at times and I want that...
But I need help overcoming my attachment to her and to therapy..and I dont know how to talk to her..any ideas?
Posted by pegasus on August 9, 2004, at 23:40:34
In reply to I cant go without therapy!, posted by Pandabear on August 9, 2004, at 18:36:42
Pandabear,
Being attached like that is nothing to be ashamed of, at least in my opinion. A lot of us become very attached to our therapists. Some therapy theories even say that an attachment like that is what helps you heal in therapy. So, it's not shameful - maybe it's even a good part of therapy!
I recently read a book called "A General Theory of Love" that talked about how mammals are set up to attach to each other like we do to parents and spouses (and therapists). It's our biology. I found the book really interesting and comforting. I think about it whenever I snuggle up to my sweetie.
When you get that much support from someone, of course it will take time to become more independent again. I don't think you have to do it all at once, though. Maybe just talking about it is all you're ready for right now. Personally, I think that's ok, and that's definitely how I plan to eventually leave my therapist (gulp).
Much luck to you. I hope you are able to do this in a way that feels good to you.
pegasus
Posted by gardenergirl on August 10, 2004, at 3:17:47
In reply to Re: I cant go without therapy!, posted by pegasus on August 9, 2004, at 23:40:34
Pandabear,
I think you are actually quite strong. Forming an attachment like that is very healthy. And although you planned your tapering, I think it certainly has the potential to sneak up on you and bite you on the butt when you actually begin implementing it. I know for me, even though intellectually and "on paper" I would feel good about progress and about the tapering, when it actually started happening, I'm sure it would remind me of the big void that came from an emotionally neglectful childhood. And being reminded of that still can hurt. Especially durig scary times.
I certainly don't think it's a sign that you aren't actually ready or that you are weak. I think it's part of the end stage of therapy process.
And by the way, I'm glad your T leaves the door open for coming back whenever needed. I absolutely agree with that approach. Therapy doesn't need to be continuous. I think it's an effective tool to have at our disposal.
Take care,
gg
Posted by fallsfall on August 10, 2004, at 9:03:36
In reply to I cant go without therapy!, posted by Pandabear on August 9, 2004, at 18:36:42
>>But I need help overcoming my attachment to her and to therapy..and I dont know how to talk to her..any ideas?
It sounds to me like this is the work you need to do right now in therapy - figuring out how to be on your own without therapy. [I figure that I'll be at that point in about 20 years - I hope my therapist doesn't retire before then...]
You expressed yourself very clearly in this post. Maybe you should bring the post in and read it to her?
Posted by Pandabear on August 10, 2004, at 11:12:17
In reply to I cant go without therapy!, posted by Pandabear on August 9, 2004, at 18:36:42
I intend on being in therapy for a long time...and I think she is intending that im going to be a patient of hers...its just going to be less frequent. I dont see this as being the end..but its just hard to back down. Even though it is a good thing. I hope she isnt trying to let me go...I will talk to her tomorrow...
This is the end of the thread.
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