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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on August 4, 2004, at 1:06:06
I've read lots here about how hard things are when your therapist is on vacation. Mine is leaving for his next Friday and will be gone 10 days. Not that long, we'll miss about 4 sessions. And he won't be available by phone...he has someone covering. I'm sure I will miss him and be sad but that isn't the really big fear I have.
I have a completely irrational fear that he isn't coming back. We talked about this yesterday and I actually burst into tears and wailed at him! He was very understanding and talked about how hard he knew it would be for me, given the amount of contact we typically have. He wanted to know what would make it easier, if seeing someone while he was gone was what I wanted. I said "NO!" that feels like he is setting up a replacement, which feeds my fear. He said he was worried about me feeling all alone. He wanted to know if I wanted to keep something of his while he is gone, so that he stays more real for me. I told him I'd think about that because I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head. I don't know if that will help. I think I'd rather have him leave me a message on my vm just reassuring me that he is coming back. That way I can listen to it a million times if I need to.
I have been trying to journal these feelings out because they don't make sense to me. I realized that the other thing I'm afraid of is that this break will change things...that he will come back different, or a wall will go up between us. It has taken me so much time and so many painful sessions to pull that wall down, I'm terrified that I will slide back into totally self-protecting mode. But how do I not do that, given he is gone and I need to?
Has anyone else worried about this? Does taking a break change things? How do I calm down the little kid parts who are really, really sure that they are being left...again? How do I not shut down completely over the next week and a half, "wasting" sessions?
Why does this have to be so hard? :(
Posted by gardenergirl on August 4, 2004, at 7:43:56
In reply to More Therapist Vacation questions, posted by daisym on August 4, 2004, at 1:06:06
Oh Daisy, that sounds so hard. My T is leaving (actually, I think he leaves today) for about two weeks. I don't see him again until Wed. the 18th. Funny, I don't usually go on Wednesdays, but that is the first day he is back, and I snapped it up! But I only see him once a week. I can't imagine dealing with him being gone if my therapy were as intensive as yours. No wonder you are frightened.
I think your idea about the voice mail is a good one. I know I keep an email from my T in my inbox instead of deleting it because it's nice to see his name there.
And try not to worry about "wasted" sessions when he comes back. It's only natural that there would need to be a time of reconnnecting and healing from the temporary loss. I think that reconnection time is vital, actually, not a waste. But I can see how it might feel like it when you have been working so hard. Can you think about taking this time to kind of recharge for yourself? Kind of like vacation from the hard work of therapy?
In the meantime, keep posting. It seems like there are a number of T's on vacation this month, so you are not alone. And someone else who Babbles and is a dear person told me just yesterday that she too is afraid her T is never coming back. I think that's not uncommon.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Dinah on August 4, 2004, at 9:47:41
In reply to More Therapist Vacation questions, posted by daisym on August 4, 2004, at 1:06:06
My sessions when he comes back are often wasted ones because my emotions get firmly locked up when he's away and it takes a while to access them again. But other times, the locked up emotions burst out about halfway through the first session.
And while I always dread his going, once he's gone the locking up of my emotions makes it not all that bad. And I usually get a lot done. By the time he gets back, rational me is planning to quit therapy forever because I'm doing so much better. My emotions need to work hard to remind me that they aren't gone, they're only sleeping. (Drat it! per my rational side)
I no longer fear he won't come back, if I ever did. He just takes too many business trips for that to be a big concern to me. Seeing him leave and come back so many times cures that fear for me. Last year he was gone probably on average of one week out of five. :(
Posted by Klokka on August 4, 2004, at 12:35:57
In reply to More Therapist Vacation questions, posted by daisym on August 4, 2004, at 1:06:06
That sounds really difficult. I hope you're able to find things to do to pass the time and take care of yourself.
I've been struggling with similar fears, as my pdoc is going away for a month soon. I'm feeling lots more secure about it right now, but that's because I know he's still "there" this week (he's on call) and I spoke with him on the phone yesterday to have some scheduling details confirmed and ended up with an appointment three days earlier than planned. (He has a conference to go to on the day we were originally supposed to meet; why can't all absences work out so well?) I was terrified earlier, though, and I imagine it'll kick in again next week when he goes away. To complicate matters, there is a very real possibility that "he may not come back" - if my class schedule doesn't accomodate his, I can't see him and I may not be able to change it so that it does work out. I find it a bit reassuring to recall all the times he's gone away and returned without any complications, though. Is there anything like that you can look back on?
Posted by shortelise on August 4, 2004, at 13:04:46
In reply to More Therapist Vacation questions, posted by daisym on August 4, 2004, at 1:06:06
abandonment. awful, isn't it? I think the good news is that you are living it really deeply, and I think when he comes back (which intellectually you probably know, despite the child howling in your heart) part of those abandonment issues will heal.
So ouch! I feel for you! Really. But I am also confident it's progress for you - can you feel good about that?
Shorte
Posted by Aphrodite on August 4, 2004, at 20:43:17
In reply to More Therapist Vacation questions, posted by daisym on August 4, 2004, at 1:06:06
(((Daisy)))
I went on vacation and then my T did, so I looked upon it as the "great experiment." Luckily, while I was away, my T called my cell phone once to check on me. I found myself writing each day things I would have wanted to say had he been there. That helped. When we resumed, though, those things seemed unimportant somehow, so I guess getting it out in any form was helpful.
What if he gave you a therapy-related book of his while he was away? Since you're action-oriented, maybe you would feel like you were still working while he was gone, and you could prepare to talk about it when he comes back so you could hit the ground running. Or maybe it would be better to vacation a little yourself and do lots of shopping and watching mindless movies. I always return to the movie Office Space when I need mindless laughter:)
I think the break was good for me, though I know it's hard to see far enough to the other side. The distance and missing him validated that he is the right therapist for me.
This is the end of the thread.
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