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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 12 to 36 of 36. Go back in thread:
Posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 8:13:36
In reply to Too Much Pain..., posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 3:16:04
well i am going to speak him to him tomorrow which is monday at the off ice and see if i him and i cant talk about all this confusion and shit ... i wonder now if he didnt transfer me just to get with me after i left ...
i think to myself i trusted him for 3 yrs how can i trust someone like that ...... i know he is human but i guess i thought he was different and not let his personal feelings get involed ...
Posted by fallsfall on March 7, 2004, at 9:28:16
In reply to Re: Too Much Pain..., posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 8:13:36
I wish you the best. I send you my support in hopes that it will help you to be brave. Sounds like a tough session.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 7, 2004, at 13:00:51
In reply to Re: Too Much Pain..., posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 8:13:36
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 7, 2004, at 19:04:51
In reply to umm these thoughts.., posted by toomuchpain on March 5, 2004, at 17:08:06
Posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 21:58:49
In reply to Youre in my prayers tonight for Monday (nm), posted by Fallen4myT on March 7, 2004, at 19:04:51
ok now it is sunday eastren standered time 10:57 pm ... i am gettin so nervous about monday ... maybe i shouldnt talk to him ... ((((scream)))) i am going insane i need to take of this before i lose my mind
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 7, 2004, at 23:27:56
In reply to scared, posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 21:58:49
Hon, PLEASE talk to him you need to get this off your chest or it will go on and on and on in your mind. You really need to do this and what I know of you you CAN do it. Insane I understand :) I am there but you will not seriously go insane your mind will race and you will ruminate on this endlessly until you get it over with. THIS I know cause I do it a lot and I have to force myself to get stuff over...it always works out better than I had built it up to be in my head
HUGS AND MANY PRAYERS
Posted by fallsfall on March 8, 2004, at 6:26:53
In reply to scared, posted by toomuchpain on March 7, 2004, at 21:58:49
Toomuchpain,
I think that I can understand some of the feelings that you are having. I haven't seen my old therapist for 8 months now - and I'm still scared that I might bump into her when I'm in to see my pdoc. In some ways I would love to talk to her, but I'm afraid of what she would say, and what she would not say. It would be nice to feel like there was some closure, though.
If I remember correctly, the two of you had talked about your attraction to him. So that subject is out in the open already. You wouldn't be introducing him to something that hasn't been talked about before.
Maybe you could go there and ask for his help. Tell him that you are unhappy because you miss him, and that you really don't know what to think about the future. Tell him that you really don't like your new therapist, and how she doesn't seem to think that you should be having a problem getting used to not being his client anymore. Obviously, he does care about you (but I'm not really clear on exactly what that means for him, and I'm not sure you are either) - I believe that he would want you to be able to go on with your life (whether that includes him or not). He knows you pretty well (3 years...). He IS a professional.
Ask him to answer for himself if he ever sees a future for the two of you (but you would have to be prepared for him to say "no". - But at this point, wouldn't it be better to hear "no" than to keep on not knowing?? You have seen how painful not knowing can be).
Ask him, as a professional therapist, what he would recommend for you, his former client. How can he advise you to be able to move past your attraction to him (or how long would you have to wait for him to be "free")? What should you do about the fact that you don't like your current therapist? What should you do about the fact that many of us here on Babble have suggested that what she is doing seems not only to not help you, but to be counter-productive?
I would expect that there is no way that he could go back to being your therapist. But that doesn't mean that, in this one session, he can't help you figure out what to do in order to get out of the agony that you are in.
The hard part, from my perspective, will be to ask the hard questions and be open to hearing the answers you don't want to hear. Sometimes the facts are really hard to face. But at least if you know the facts you can start to figure out how to deal with what is going on in your life.
Can someone drive you to this appointment? So you won't have to drive home? So you will have some moral support sitting in the waiting room - ready when you come out?
I'm going to go on record as betting that he does care about you, and that he doesn't want you to continue to be unhappy. I would bet that he will try to help you figure out what your next steps should be to get yourself in a place where you can go on with your life. I think that this would make you happier than you are now.
Be brave, be honest, be open to hearing what he has to say.
(((((Tooooooooomuchpain)))))
I wish you luck.
Falls.
Posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
In reply to Re: scared » toomuchpain, posted by fallsfall on March 8, 2004, at 6:26:53
well i am cryin my eyes out and nothing is ever going to be the same ...
i went to my former t and see if he had any spare time to speak to me today or tomorrow and he checked and he siad yea well i went in and told him what was on mind about everything .. i cant belive him in the middle of all of my speaking about my feelings and ?s i had for him he goes i cant talk about this and he said he had things he had to do ... and told me i need leave ... umm i dont understand what kind of signs would u guys get from that ...
i went into the waiting room to see my new t ..with tears runnin down my face and i was shaking and there was my former t in the break room which is next to my new ts office drinking coffee chattin and laughing about something ... my whole session i couls hear him laughing and talking i hate it ... i hate him anymore ...
how can someone that care for and trusted with my life be so creul?
Posted by Dinah on March 8, 2004, at 10:35:33
In reply to what a joke, posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
I think I would see it as a statement of boundaries. And I think I would try to find a therapist somewhere where I didn't have to see my old therapist at all.
And I'm sorry. It hurts to open your heart to someone and have it poorly received.
But maybe it's time for you to move on and try to put this behind you? Perhaps with the help of a therapist not connected to this clinic? Do you have any realistic choices? Can you go elsewhere?
Posted by antigua on March 8, 2004, at 10:58:42
In reply to what a joke, posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
I am so very sorry for you that your old T treated you that way. It's horrible to open yourself up just to be rejected. He obviously has some issues of his own when it comes to you, so please, please, please try to see that none of this is your fault at all. Maybe you should report him to some authority or something. More importantly, what do you want to do?
Again, I'm really sorry you have to go through this.
antigua
Posted by Raindancer on March 8, 2004, at 11:15:02
In reply to what a joke, posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your former T obviously has problems of his own and you are not to blame for any of that. I agree that you need to be out of there if at all possible and with a new T who can give you the empathy and concern that are your due and can give you a whole new perspective in life. You were brave enough to open your heart and it is sad that your former T was unable to show courage equal to yours. You have shown yourself to be strong and I am proud of you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You deserve the very best.
(((((Toomuchpain))))).
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 8, 2004, at 13:16:28
In reply to Re: I'm sorry » toomuchpain, posted by Dinah on March 8, 2004, at 10:35:33
Awww TooMuch I am sooo sorry REALLY SO SORRY. I hope maybe he was so maybe scared or didnt know HOW to handle it that he dismissed you as not to say or do anything more to harm youeven more. MAYBE I give people too many chances but it may be *it has zero to do with you and more to do with him* and how he didn't know how to handle it so he ended the session,.like he ran in a way,,,THEN he went into the breakroom and just tried to get back to normal for him, joking and stuff with coworkers. He was not loling in the room about you my guess is he just tried to move on from his discomfort. Now, understanding this doesnt FIX your pain and I am so sorry but I am with Dinah I really would seek another clinic cause you will be so upset at sessions with the other T having to bump into HIM that that will affect your work with your new T. For you, please see a new T and talk this out. IAM BEYOND SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN. I hurt for you cause I know how I would feel in your place :*(
Posted by fallsfall on March 8, 2004, at 15:17:08
In reply to what a joke, posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
I think that he behaved very unprofessionally, and I am so sorry that you have to bear the pain of that.
I hope that you will seriously consider going to a therapist who isn't connected with that clinic. Your new therapist should help you to process this pain. When I switched therapists, he spent months listening to me wailing about my old therapist - and he helped me to understand some possibilities that I hadn't considered, and he made sure that I knew that he wouldn't do to me what she did to me. Your current therapist doesn't seem to be helping you with this stuff - you need someone who will help you.
(((((TooMuchPain)))))
I'm sorry.
Posted by Crooked Heart on March 9, 2004, at 4:15:11
In reply to what a joke, posted by toomuchpain on March 8, 2004, at 10:15:49
((((toomuchpain))))
I am so sorry. Your former t sounds like a complete coward and totally unprofessional. He is obviously way out of his depth in his job. The only good thing is that you're better off hating him than needing him. How could he be so brutal, to anyone, let alone someone who had been his client? Just scared sh*tless I guess.
About the very loud laughing and talking afterwards, I'm sure Fallen's got it right. Not laughing about you, just someone in a situation where they know they haven't handled it properly, they've done harm, and trying to reassure themselves, 'yeah, of COURSE everything's fine, I am too'. But he's the therapist and he didn't handle it properly and he's betrayed your trust.
Can't add to the good advice that everyone else has given. Just to let you know that I'm thinking about you. Keep posting ((((toomuchpain))))
Posted by toomuchpain on March 9, 2004, at 10:34:12
In reply to Re: what a joke » toomuchpain, posted by Crooked Heart on March 9, 2004, at 4:15:11
well today is a new day and i am going to try to look foward and not look b ack and find a t that can help me ... i am sure i am still going ot feel pain and all i amuy even have a hard time trusting anyoone for along time if ever ... thanks to everyone the has given me stregth on here u guys r great!!!!!!
Posted by antigua on March 9, 2004, at 14:43:37
In reply to it's a new day, posted by toomuchpain on March 9, 2004, at 10:34:12
I think you are very strong and I'm really impressed by your determination. Be proud of yourself. Good luck.
antigua
Posted by Crooked Heart on March 9, 2004, at 14:58:13
In reply to it's a new day, posted by toomuchpain on March 9, 2004, at 10:34:12
Well, good for you. You deserve better luck with another t. And the best of luck in putting this behind you.
You have been and are being very brave.
Lots of hugs ((((toomuch pain))))
Posted by gardenergirl on March 9, 2004, at 15:25:36
In reply to it's a new day, posted by toomuchpain on March 9, 2004, at 10:34:12
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 9, 2004, at 17:08:22
In reply to Re: it's a new day, posted by antigua on March 9, 2004, at 14:43:37
Your message made me smile cause I was so worried about you and I see you not only weathered the storm youre sailing...so glad you did better than I could do in your spot., level headed you are...WAY TO GO
Posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 8:02:10
In reply to it's a new day, posted by toomuchpain on March 9, 2004, at 10:34:12
(((toomuchpain)))
Just know that it will get better every single day. And I notice the difference in your post. You sound more positive, which is a very good thing. It's rough that he reacted the way he did, but now you know not to go back to him for advice or to try to clear the air. Take it one day at a time. And find a therapist (not that I'm suggesting you leave your old one... OK, maybe I am) that will listen to you... That is what they get paid for. To listen, not invalidate and it sounds from your previous post that your new therapist is doing a good job of invalidating the hurt you feel from the experience. Find someone who will listen. And try someone outside the "center" or building, etc. That way, they won't be apt to "take sides" on the issue. That's my advice. You're doing a wonderful job right now, and you deserve to hear it from your therapist as well...
Posted by toomuchpain on March 10, 2004, at 12:40:47
In reply to Yes, it is a new day.. » toomuchpain, posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 8:02:10
hmmm.. what can i say ... i thank everyone for ur ever so kind comments ... u guys r great !!!! things have been good and i have been dealing with the rejection very well ...
i have came to the conclusion ... that he has a bigger problem then i do ... i may be attacthed to him and in love with him but at least i can come to that conclusion and not run from it and i can deal with it ... he cant even talk about how he feels ... i think he is a coward ... i wouldnt do anything to hurt him or myself .. all i really wanted from him is the truth .... and if he couldnt give me that ... so i have made it for my self .. i have wrote something that iw ould like to share with you guys ...
what i am
i am child, i am girl, i am a teenager, i am a women. so many things i am, i just dont understand!
i am child with so many dreams and so many dreams have been shattered. i am teenager who is frightened of the world, a world of threats and a life i just cant live. i am women with so many things i just dont know. i dont know whats ahead of me, only whats behind me!
the past not yet behind me, but in the end i will be a child with a enlighten future. i will be girl who understands. i will be a teenager who is strong and has the will to survie. but after all this horror i will still be a women with so many things to understand!!!!!
thank you all for ur support .. i wanted to share that since i wrote that about my sitution with my former t ...
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 10, 2004, at 12:54:45
In reply to Re: Yes, it is a new day.., posted by toomuchpain on March 10, 2004, at 12:40:47
TooMuch,
What you wrote is so "wise" youre a smart person who obviously DOES have it more together than your T. You write so well kind of profound. Thank you ..and I am so glad you are so together, and you are!clapping for a wise toomuch
Posted by toomuchpain on March 10, 2004, at 21:11:14
In reply to Re: Yes, it is a new day.. » toomuchpain, posted by Fallen4myT on March 10, 2004, at 12:54:45
well i have been looking into getting into somewheres else for therpy the closest place is 45 mins from my home ... where i go now is 7 mins .. now i have desion to make if i want to travel that far ummm ...
i am going out on a limb here but i am going to ask anyways ... i am from baltimore maryland is there anyone from this area that could possibly help me with this ... thank u
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 10, 2004, at 21:17:07
In reply to Re: Yes, it is a new day.., posted by toomuchpain on March 10, 2004, at 21:11:14
sorry no I am not from there but would your insurance company know???
Posted by Dinah on March 11, 2004, at 9:48:26
In reply to Re: Yes, it is a new day.., posted by toomuchpain on March 10, 2004, at 21:11:14
My drive to my therapist's office is 45 minutes to an hour. But if you have insurance, the company should be able to provide you with a list by location.
This is the end of the thread.
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